Physical Monogamy

Oooh what an explicit topic *laughs* If you are not the open-minded sort, don't bother continue reading.

Yesterday I had a discussion with a friend who asked me what I thought of a relationship that was explicitly physical and monogamous. Frankly, I never had it explicitly, it would really help to know it explicitly though *laughs* I mean seriously, if a man or woman wants a physical relationship, just say so, lay out the conditions..other party says yes or no and everyone is happy! Think so much for what?? Actually A LOT of things, I came to realise...think so much for what?? This is one area I realise, that once decided, really no need to think anymore. Think anymore will only result in confusion and hurt.

I think my views on this area has changed a whole lot over the past year. And no, I have not gone mad, gone bitter or whatever..but become a whole lot more realistic in expectations that's all.

I used to be bothered a great deal about whether the other party is monogamous. I came to realise that in such a relationship...and I mean one that really is physical, it may not be realistic to expect monogamy.

Oh no I am not trying to promote promiscuity. I am not saying I am not for monogamy. I am just trying to see it for what it is. Monogamy has a very realistic advantage of safety. To me, a physical relationship is a lot about convenience, knowing you erm... get erm a good time with a partner of which you have good chemistry with and safety. No need to trial and test, you know you get it good when you need it, and for those in the know, its usually unexciting the first time with anyone new. For me, its pretty much to get a good time conveniently while having the chance to lead your life when you don't have the time and capacity to be involved in a real relationship. Quick fix you may call it.

It's not something for everyone...after throwing out all the things in my system be it in writing or talking, I have arrived at the stage where I can CLEARLY say (yes my dear friend if you know who you are, no longer maybe yes maybe no since the last time you asked me). I don't want, don't need emotional engagements at the moment for many reasons..priorities etc...it comes, fine, it doesn't come, it doesn't bother me. Thus this type of arrangements work for me if it happens because switching off is something I am capable of doing nowadays. If it is not your kinda thing, please just avoid it.

However, just as it says...it's a physical relationship. While I may not be one who has multiple partners for simple reason of safety, I think I am past the stage of expecting the other party to be the same. Reason? It's a physical relationship, that's it. Be realistic, see it for what it's worth.

If the other party is monogamous, seriously good for you. If not, pray that he or she is responsible and frankly I wouldn't want to know as well. I mean it's great to be good friends who can talk about stuff, have a good time together but I don't think I or anyone need to know the sordid details.

To me a good one would be one where the two are just like good friends..you can talk about things like what you would over coffee or chillout, have a good time, part ways nicely when things change. I kinda parted ways with one before because I met someone whom I thought was worthy of attention. It was simple, nice, amicable and we are on good talking terms. He was happy for me. Hey hey, I don't do this a lot ok?? It really was a brief thing, we didn't explicitly say so too but I think to actually state the case is frankly an important thing.

Men often think women are not capable of handling physical relationships. In a way they are right. But I notice I have gal friends who tell me (and it seems to be an increasing trend), it's sometimes because the man don't know how to state explicitly. Perhaps the man isn't sure and don't want to cut off other possibilities of it developing into something more..perhaps he thinks the girl won't continue if he stated his true intention. For goodness sake, if you wanna have a good time, find someone who's willing to accept it when you say you want to have a fun time. If not, it's just masquerading and it's totally not cool.

The strange thing is, gal friends tell me and I agree, if a guy states explicitly and we are interested, then come to a consensus and take it from there...but it seems to be hard to find a guy who can actually say it! I actually think it's nice of a guy to actually say it out in clearly, yes in plain simple English thank you *laughs* I had a gal friend whom the guy actually stated it out clearly and I was like, what a nice guy! Simple and truthful! Some call this type the player, the bastard but hey at least he was simple and truthful!

The reason is simple. Women will know how to manage themselves from there. No need to think about where it's going, no need to get emotional, no need to worry about the man. I do have gal friends who actually say in similar terms, "if a guy wants a physical relationship, just say so..if I like, fine, and we know where to draw the lines". Girls don't want to hurt another party as much as they don't wanna hurt themselves. I actually heard of cases where it was the guy who felt he was being used for sex..to the gawking ladies..YES IT HAPPENS.

Personally, once I know it's a physical one, I simply switch off the emotional component. People, I don't know how to prove it cos I haven't come across one who can just come to simple consensus but I do know what I want and how I would like to manage it if it happens. What I mean is knowing what to expect (which really is nothing more than good friendship and good you know what). The challenge is knowing it. While it's a simple yes or no question, there seems to be great difficulty in coming to a consensus. By consensus, I mean BOTH parties AGREE to it, not some hang-there-not-stated-cleary-half past-six sh*t. It can be quite amazing how that simple yes or no changes a person's emotional and mental state completely, for me at least. I mean if it develops to anything more than that, fine but at least women know how to manage their own expectations. It's like a business deal, both parties agree clearly and start the project. No one starts without some form of agreement isn't it?

Yes guys, we no longer live in the 18th century..women have needs like men do..whoever says women has less than men must be in denial..I often see it equal if not more..women go on dirty tours (not been on one) as much as men do and women are capable of managing expectations...if you set it correctly that is.

I realise when it comes to this, once decided..one must be prepared that's all it will be. Some do go somewhere but very often, they don't. It's frankly best just to take away the emotions involved. If it develops beyond, congratulations..if it doesn't, at least no one gets upset.

To the guys, yes it can be THAT simple. Just be simple and clear. To the ladies, yes welcome to a side of modern relationships...if you have not already been initiated that is :)

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On a totally irrelevant note..I need to whine a bit..I saw a gal yesterday riding my FAVOURITE BIKE for 2B class, in COLOURS I LIKE, wearing a helmet SIMILAR TO MINE...soooo cool...sooooo jealous!!!!!!!!!!! *turns green and bites blanket* I really hope to finish it next year *sob sob*