The Years Pass

It's Chinese New Year again, the time for visiting and catching up with family and old friends...not to forget the feasting and ang pows :)

This year we gathered as we always did with the scouts. The years have indeed passed and we have grown into adulthood.

I remember when we were in school, taking bus was the order of the day. We went to Palm Beach at Kallang Leisure Park for our dinner when we finished our O Levels. We used to roller blade at East Coast. The song "Forever Young" was how we felt at graduation dinner.

Fast forward to 2006.

We had a reunion dinner at Tung Lok and went to Mr Mah's house as well. We are sitting at Mr Mah's house watching the long awaited Speech Day video that we had not seen since we did it 10 years ago. We saw how silly we looked back then...silly moves, gawdy dess sense and all. As I watched Junwei set up the camera,I felt like I was watching a movie where it tracked how people's lives have changed over the years.

Will we continue to take pictures to track how we change in the years to come? Perhaps next time we will bring spouses and children? I think we should have a photo album where everyone contributes and we track how we have changed over the years. From taking bus, we now have three cars amongst us and a bike. From rollerblading, some of us have taken to playing golf at East Coast. We have gone from being silly students with complex relationships to working adults with completely different lives.

I must say I am happy to see the guys with their individual girlfriends. I am happy that they have turned out to be responsible men who love and take care of their loved one. I am happy to see them in normal, happy relationships.

Some things stay the same though. We still end up at Junyu's house. We still play mahjong and cards. We still meet every year. I am glad to have these friends :)

Lil' Touch of Jazz

My friend sent me this song in the morning and said this song fits me so well it's like custom made for me *laughs* Yeah I agree most parts are quite there...some guy told me the other day I gotta show my softer side more so guys don't keep remembering me as the career woman *laughs out loud*

Lil' Touch of Jazz - Walter Beasley

She's so independent
That girl don't need nobody else
She's looking for a love of her own
Right now she'll take care of herself

Don't walk too fast
Don't talk too loud
Don't let no one stand in her way
And when evenin' time is near
She's the kind who likes to hear
Music put some atmosphere
After workin' hard all day

[Chorus]
I tell you
She don't like the music too fast
She likes it simple, sweet and funky with a little touch of jazz
She don't like the beat too hard
She likes some mellow kind of rhythm
With the real sweet jazz there on

There's no doubt about it
With her you''ll never be alone
She's offer you the best of love
And turn your house into a home

Well... and in the morning
She'll pick her music
She loves the sound of saxophone
Though sometimes she likes to dance
She prefers her sweet romance
So go on and take a chance
And put on her favourite song

Chorus

My baby listens to the melody
And likes the rhythm section of her song
You can ask her for her love
Even for the stars above
But don't ever ask the girl to turn her music off

Chorus

Memoirs

Yesterday I didn't go party...maybe it's age :) I went to see Memoirs of a Geisha instead. There is always one or two line in a movie that catches my eye and for this movie, it seems I was not alone in my opinion cos I found a few people writing about it...

"In the temple there is a poem about loss.
It only has three words but the artist had scratched them out.
This is because loss cannot be seen,
It can only be felt."

and another one was..

"The heart dies a slow death,
Shedding each hope like leaves,
Until one day
There are none."

- Memoirs of a Geisha

@-;--

Will I?

I have been busy attending a course over the weekend so that threw me off momentum a bit. Life has generally been busy..trying to grab time to sleep..exercise..spend with family...because most of my time goes to work. I guess in a way you can still say I am still on target but still need to be even more disciplined.

A friend asked me would I feel sad if the person I loved, loved someone else? Who wouldn't? Would I hate anyone?

I remember the first time I liked someone in my life. He liked someone else. After an entire year of dangling, we finally decided to give it a shot. Just as we were about to get started, the girl he liked suddenly turned around. I gave him away. Yeah you heard me right. I GAVE him away..literally delivered. This is because he wanted to try it out. Do I hate the girl? Never did. In fact we became good friends.

The second time this happened was when my guy at that time liked my best friend. Yes you heard me right again. Do I hate her? Nope. In fact we are still best of friends.

The rest of the times this could have happened..well I don't want to speculate. One may ask why I don't hate the girl. My rationale is she's just there. If she did not actively seek your man, why feel angry? Feel angry for another's existence? Nah. Do I hate the man? It depends. I have not, up to this point. Why?

How does one blame anyone for love lost? I think when you love someone..in a way..you'll never really hate them because it is precisely because you love them that you will feel sad and cry. How do you force love to happen? You can't. Can you pray that it goes the way you want? You can't.

This is what I mean by objectivity that people find hard to accept. It is believed that because commonly people will feel enmity, I have to. It takes a lot for me to hate someone. To me, if the man wishes to turn, there's no point in blaming the other woman. It's too hard for people to accept thus they would rather believe that I will react the normal way. Too bad I guess.

@-;--

The Sweetest Thing

That day a friend asked me who's the best guy I ever had in terms of being nice to me...he even added in a special disclaimer..if I dare to say it's Mr W, he will kill me...whether I loved him or not. He added..basically after Mr W, it's been a mess of limbo relationships. Come to think of it, he's right.

He asked me the most unforgettable thing a guy has done cos he needed some ideas for his girl haha..well there are a few that I don't mind sharing here...sweet things ma...if you happen to be one of them and I don't write about you...its really not intentional..I just can't list everything...gotta be selective hahaha

I remember I had to go to Manila for a work trip. Mr W had sent me off like I was going off for 3 years though it was 3 days. When I came back, he showed up with flowers and twirled me around. I felt like I was in a movie *laughs* One thing I really appreciated about Mr W was he would always try to spend the end of the day talking and communicating with me. This is something I none of my guys had made the effort to. So people, as much as Mr W was a mess, this was something that really really made a difference.

Mr N sang me a song. For the few who knew me long enough,you should know my little secret about the song too. I don't know why but since young I always had this thing about a guy singing me a song. Strange enough, none of my guys had ever sang me a song before Mr N did. I even told my friends this little secret many years ago: I will probably marry the one who does. Sounds stupid I know but alas too bad. For future guys (if there are any hahahaha), it doesn't work anymore cos the magic has been broken.

I remember once I had to go overseas suddenly, Mr N suddenly showed up at my place to send me to the airport and had to postpone his appointments to do so. Another time, he had to run across half the island and catch only one hour sleep so he could send me back and spend some time together. Unbelievable right? Yeah that was really really sweet.

One of the incidents that blew me away was when I left him alone for an outing with a gal friend and he just sent me an sms to inform me when he was on the way home. Guys, if you do not understand this, it gives the girl the feeling that you are worth trust. Perhaps to Mr N, it means very little but it certainly was an incident that stuck in my mind.

Well I must give credit to Mr B because he gave me the most unforgettable present in my life. He made me an MTV for my birthday and it took nights and nights of editing to complete it...I cried as I watched it. That's prety mind-blowing. In terms of creativity and effort, this definitely tops the list.

Well I have to say the MTV ia hard to beat cos it's so different but who's the favourite?....shhhhhh :)

@-;--

Speech. Pictures. Life.

Sometimes things happen and you don't really know why. You may have done things to make it happen or perhaps it was a misunderstanding. There is a time you will want to salvage. There is a time where you just don't know if doing is helping. There is a time where you just give up and accept silence.

I don't know whether to talk or not to. Yeah people who know me know me as flamboyant (this blew me off frankly), outgoing and full of crap ha. In a way, my work requires me to. You might be surprised to know I would like to be the opposite. Maybe that's why I like guys who talk little but make sense when they do...silent killer as they may call. I find such guys intriguing and they impress me more.

I have talked a lot more over the years and yet spoken less....yeah increasing amount of crap but also less of the things that really make me laugh or cry. It struck me when my best friend told me "Girl, these days, everything about you is P&C." Private and confidential for those who do not know.

No, it's not because I don't trust the people who care enough. In fact I am so touched that after these years, they still do. Myabe I just feel sad to have to repeat some stories because it only showed I didn't learn my lesson and they have to feel sad for me again. Pride? Perhaps. I do not like S&M, not physical or emotional. How can anyone possibly want to wake up in tears, go to sleep in more tears and find it tiring to welcome a new day because the waking hours feel worse than being dead?

I think over the years I have become terrible at communicating, particularly to the ones who matter. Yes I don't like it. Maybe somewhere along the road, I lost the ability to make those I want to make happy, happy. I don't know how to convey to them how much I care, how much they matter or how much they hurt me when they do. I am either just too objective for general acceptance or seemingly too subjective..depending on how you look at it. I don't think hard enough. I am too emotional and yet I can be so emotionless at times (for those who find this hard to believe, yes a friend told me).

Maybe that's why I wanted to spend a year away if I could. That day a friend asked me "what is your new year resolution this year?" I didn't really say the things I had wrote down for the year. One thing I did say and not write down because I knew it innately.

This year, I want to find CLEARLY my direction. I have some concrete goals for work and business. It is the higher direction I am looking for. I want to find myself. I know the fuzzy picture but a fuzzy picture is just not good enough. Not anymore. I need to do some photoshop to that picture.

WAHHHH...sounds up there in the clouds. It sure does. Have you ever gone for a long walk and sat down to rest and ask yourself "Where am I going? Has the road been right? What is the road ahead?". It feels a little like that to me.

During that nice cigar session , my friend said something which I agree. Sometime when you want some things, you need to make sacrifices. People who have known me for a while thinks that I am still keeping some things in my life because people know it's been such a huge part of my life. It still is because I came to realise that some things, you cannot change. I cannot be someone else but I can learn how to control it or more like say goodbye because I have chosen some things over others.

I will only know if it becomes true and I have fulfilled my decision at the end of the year. So some things...let me keep it for a while ok?

I would like to travel...see things...have my own business..have my own teams. I would like to write this blog with titles like "London Day One, Venice Day Three, New York Day Ten, A New Team is Born" and many more. I would like to fill these pages with colourful pictures and exciting stories.

One day...I would like to make you smile again...if that day ever comes.

@-;--

Why?

Sometimes people ask me why...Maybe I just don't know how to answer.

But it may be also because I learnt talk is cheap.

Actions speak louder than words.

I wonder if anyone noticed...I may still talk as much crap as I used to...But I have also talked a lot less in a way. I don't want to talk things and end up not doing them. If it's meant to happen, action will speak for itself. I do not wish to defend or justify myself...because maybe I grew tired and afraid of defending myself. It either never happens or it backfires. If truth is meant to be known and happen, it will. One can say I resigned to fate. In some ways...I agree. In some ways, all I can say is the things I have decided...there's no point in telling people until one day it happens and people see for themselves... and I see it for myself.

@-;--

Toast

I held it back.

I shivered.

I shook.

A toast to the fools on earth...from beginning to the end.

My decision was right.

Not the nicest.

Not the best.

Not the fairytale one would like.

Life at its reality moment.

The reality that could be defused.

The reality that could be.

The preparation for could be.

Of acceptance and living.

I received 2006 with a decision..more like a decision that was delivered to me. I think the full circle for this decision had come round. I had the feeling to write the book I wanted to write long ago again today. It just floated into my mind again. Maybe I should consider writing it again.

@-;--

Goodbye My Lover

I finally listened to this song when enough people told me to...it's really moving..have a listen if you get the chance..

Goodbye My Lover - James Blunt

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.

So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.

I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be

I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.

I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow

@-;--

Coincidence

If there's a thing called coincidence, today I really tasted it.

I don't think the person in question will read this so I will just write about my sense of amazement.

Today I heard a song, in fact, an entire cd that I had not heard in a long time..even forgotten about. It was a song..the exact same song...that I had sang to my loved one..the cd that got us closer one may call it. I heard it in a place where I least expected to hear it and best part..just as I opened my mouth to speak, it started to play.

I was frankly, stunned for a while...stammered a bit...it was really ironic..how the same song can be heard in such different circumstances and come on at such an uncanny moment. In my mind I was thinking "Cannot be! Cannot be so coincidental!"

Well apparently Fate has its own mysterious ways...

@-;--

Fulfilment of Fulfilment

Everybody has things they wanna try in their life. I am sure some of you (especially women) wanted to take some nice pics of yourself at some point. Well me too.

Guess what? I am on it :)

I always wanted to take artistic shots. Forget cover-looks-nicely-posed-smiley types. I wanted something different. You may not even recognise me or see me clearly because that's not the point. I don't need to look perfect. I wanted the art more than anything. I was always waiting for my skin to get better or to get slimmer..but you know what? If I waited for perfection..that day may never come and I will never fulfil my little dream.

So when I got introduced to a photographer, it took me one year to take the shots. When I finally started and is still on it by the way, the feeling of fulfilment is indescribable. Its not the happiness of taking nice pics..it's the feeling of having something you always wanted to do and finally doing it...knowing you can look back and say "I did it! No regrets!".

The last time I had this feeling was when I started dancing...knowing I am doing something I always loved and wanted to do and knowing I had taken the step many had thrown aside. If you have never done this, you will never understand the satisfaction of fulfilment of a dream.

I hope to have many more of this feeling..oops let me correct...I WILL have many more of this feeling to come...how about you?

Share one here :P I like this one cos it looks sin cityish *laughs*

Talk is Cheap

I have come to realise over last few months..words really don't mean much.

Talk is f**king cheap, it's actions that count.

@-;--

Choices

What should I eat today? What should I wear? Should I stay or go? Should I do this or that?

Choices.

We face them everyday, Every little choice we make has a tremendous effect on our lives. That step you take when you leave your house everyday will decide how your life changes. Many major events in life all came from a very simple choice. Ever thought if you had chosen to go somewhere else today, how would your life turn out? For those in love, if you didn't go to a particular place and didn't meet your loved one, how would things have turned out? Butterfly effect one may call it.

I always have this belief..Everything is a choice. There are very few things in life that is not a choice...death maybe. Even at times, death is a choice. Sometimes, choice happens in a split second..so fast that people miss it and dismiss it as "no choice". Perhaps sometimes that choice happened subconsciously so we don't even realise it.

Along with choices come more choices. The way to lead life according to that choice. The gains and the sacrifces for them. I hear a lot of people complain about their jobs and at the end of everything, to dismiss it as "no choice". There is a choice: Leave.

Sometimes as humans, we are all not strong enough to make hard decisions. We dangle in that quandary of knowing the right decision and not being able to be strong enough to take it. Self contempt develops and I tell you, self contempt is one of the most difficult and punishing feelings I know.

Sometimes we decide but do not realise the things that have to come along with that choice. We are not prepared for it or can't take the necessary decisions to make that choice come alive. In the end, we become unhappy and dismiss that as a bad choice. Sometimes, choices comes with perks...and most certainly sacrifices.

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On a side note..I hate it when people make assumptions about me, what I feel, what I think, what I do. If one wanna hurt me or poke fun at me, fine..BUT get your facts right. Don't assume. And I repeat. DO NOT ASSUME. I don't mind bringing some fun and laughter but everyone and everything has a limit. Small things do not matter but there comes a point when enough build up that nothing is small anymore. If I stop responding, it means some limits have been crossed and I can't even be bothered to correct anymore. Break all of them and well..we'll see.

@-;--

Politician? Me??

I took this test at Tickle and guess what is my fame and fortune?

Politics!!! I am so lousy at it man..this is so off!

Catherine, you're likely to find fame and fortune in the Political World

You like to be involved in things, you don't want to just sit back and watch them happen. Chances are, you're also driven by your ideals and want to really make a difference in the work that you do. But that doesn't mean you're unrealistic. In fact, you, more than some, probably have a really good grasp on the inner workings of people's minds — since you might find yourself trying to anticipate their actions to accomplish your goals.

When you have strong opinions, you might find yourself faced with some opposition, but don't let that dissuade you from your convictions. If your ideas matter to you, they probably matter to others too. So what are you waiting for? Climb aboard your next cause and start shaking things up!

You're destined to find fame and fortune in the political world of power, strategy, and negotiations. You're a leader for change, whether you want to become the youngest mayor of your town, diplomatic attaché to Chile, think tank strategist, or even leader of the free world. (Sorry, All-Powerful Ruler of the Universe might be a little much.) The Revolution awaits! So make a difference in the environmental world, or the democratic world, or the republican world, or the women's rights world, or the animal rights world, or...

Dance En Motion

Ha I must do some advertising...am currently teaching salsa with En Motion..do check out our site and come for classes :) Come with your friends, it will be fun and no you don't need a partner :)

Check it out! www.dance-en-motion.com

Call me..

Your Sexy Brazilian Name is:

Adelita de Roraima

What's Your Sexy Brazilian Name?

Er hem...Someone please tell me what the heck this stands for and it better be sexy!

Female!

Your Brain is 60.00% Female, 40.00% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Thank goodness...I was starting to think I was getting a little to masculine...would prefer to think less with my heart... and to you people out there who thinks I may turn lesbian or are trying to convert me to be one, I am still FEMALE!

Love/s of My Life

Today I wanna talk about my best friend. I wrote as love/s cos there are three whom I fondly address as loves of my life. But for today, I wanna talk about just one of them.

I have known her for a looong time...about 13 years to be more precise. We started out being friends of a mutual friend and went on to the same ECA, same class and eventually to become who we are today.

Over the years, we have seen each other through our good and our sh*t as well. We both had our ridiculous phases and there were also phases in life where our relationship got strained or we spent less time with each other. But throughout these years, I still tell people the same thing: I am very glad to have her in my life, as my best friend and she is an example of what I think a good friendship and relationship is about. She is one of those things that happened in my life that I can say is a highlight of my life. In a way, I can say she's one of the people who taught me how to smile more and be more open to people.

Sure there were times we couldn't stand each other's bullsh*t and there were times we got pissed off and fought. But something which I really appreciate about our relationship was that we could talk things out, clear things out and move on..that we could find a way to keep the friendship going for so many years. That to me is what a good relationship is about. If only men were like that too *laughs*

We are both busy so we certainly don't spend too much time with each other. I am always happy after catching up with this group of babes. The reason why we don't meet is because my best friend is a very driven young lady and she works very hard. I am very proud of her :)

Thanks gal, for being my friend..I really appreciate it :)

Do you know how to love?

I suddenly realised recently...it's true...sometimes the more we know the less we know. I realised the more I learnt about love, the less I knew how to love someone. People around me have slowly told me from time to time..they learnt it's true...sometimes love just ain't enough.

How do you love someone? How do you love the person so that he or she will be happy and that it will make you happy too? How do you love someone enough and know when is enough to not kill him or her or to kill love? How do you love so that love does not become hate or hurt? If love does not conquer all, how much aid do we need to conquer all?

I think this is a question that I need to find an answer to before I can go anymore in this department.

I think some things...I'll never know and maybe when it's time to..I don't want to anymore. Sometimes it comes to the point I even thought the blame is all mine..is it? I miss your smile and your eyes..because I have not seen it in a long while...I have always told you I like your smile.. Fear and inability stops me from doing anymore...because I just don't know...and silence takes over..

@-;--

Perfection

We always hear the saying "No one is perfect". It's true, no one is perfect. I am not perfect. Because we are human, no one is perfect. Because no one is perfect, we get frustration when things that frustrate us happen.

If frustration is bound to happen, what do we do? I like to deal with it and move on. I think this is how friendships last. Without clearing things out, things build out and what could have been a good friendship or relationship could be fated to doom..which is a waste. When stress builds up, emotions run high and people get upset. When emotions run high, it could become a big bubble that bursts in your face. Best to kill the bubble when it's still small and unfortunately not very cute.

@-;--

ENFJ

Told you guys I wasn't that much of an extrovert! Apparently, the world only has 2-3% of my type *laughs*

Your Type is ENFJ

Strength of the preferences %
Extroverted 11
Intuitive 5o
Feeling 50
Judging 44


Qualitative analysis of your type formula

You are:
slightly expressed extrovert
moderately expressed intuitive personality
moderately expressed feeling personality
moderately expressed judging personality

ENFJs are the benevolent 'pedagogues' of humanity. They have tremendous charisma by which many are drawn into their nurturant tutelage and/or grand schemes. Many ENFJs have tremendous power to manipulate others with their phenomenal interpersonal skills and unique salesmanship. But it's usually not meant as manipulation -- ENFJs generally believe in their dreams, and see themselves as helpers and enablers, which they usually are.

ENFJs are global learners. They see the big picture. The ENFJs focus is expansive. Some can juggle an amazing number of responsibilities or projects simultaneously. Many ENFJs have tremendous entrepreneurial ability.

ENFJs are, by definition, Js, with whom we associate organization and decisiveness. But they don't resemble the SJs or even the NTJs in organization of the environment nor occasional recalcitrance. ENFJs are organized in the arena of interpersonal affairs. Their offices may or may not be cluttered, but their conclusions (reached through feelings) about people and motives are drawn much more quickly and are more resilient than those of their NFP counterparts.
ENFJs know and appreciate people. Like most NFs, (and Feelers in general), they are apt to neglect themselves and their own needs for the needs of others. They have thinner psychological boundaries than most, and are at risk for being hurt or even abused by less sensitive people. ENFJs often take on more of the burdens of others than they can bear.

TRADEMARK: "The first shall be last"

This refers to the open-door policy of ENFJs. One ENFJ colleague always welcomes me into his office regardless of his own circumstances. If another person comes to the door, he allows them to interrupt our conversation with their need. While discussing that need, the phone rings and he stops to answer it. Others drop in with a 'quick question.' I finally get up, go to my office and use the call waiting feature on the telephone. When he hangs up, I have his undivided attention!

Functional Analysis:
Extraverted Feeling
Extraverted Feeling rules the ENFJ's psyche. In the sway of this rational function, these folks are predisposed to closure in matters pertaining to people, and especially on behalf of their beloved. As extraverts, their contacts are wide ranging. Face-to-face relationships are intense, personable and warm, though they may be so infrequently achieved that intimate friendships are rare.

Introverted iNtuition
Like their INFJ cousins, ENFJs are blessed through introverted intuition with clarity of perception in the inner, unconscious world. Dominant Feeling prefers to find the silver lining in even the most beggarly perceptions of those in their expanding circle of friends and, of course, in themselves. In less balanced individuals, such mitigation of the unseemly eventually undermines the ENFJ's integrity and frequently their good name. In healthier individuals, deft use of this awareness of the inner needs and desires of others enables this astute type to win friends, influence people, and avoid compromising entanglements.

The dynamic nature of their intuition moves ENFJs from one project to another with the assurance that the next one will be perfect, or much more nearly so than the last. ENFJs are continually looking for newer and better solutions to benefit their extensive family, staff, or organization.

Extraverted Sensing
Sensing is extraverted. ENFJs can manage details, particularly those necessary to implement the prevailing vision. These data have, however, a magical flexible quality. Something to be bought can be had for a song; the same something is invaluable when it's time to sell. (We are not certain, but we suspect that such is the influence of the primary function.) This wavering of sensory perception is made possible by the weaker and less mature status with which the tertiary is endowed.

Introverted Thinking
Introverted Thinking is least apparent and most enigmatic in this type. In fact, it often appears only when summoned by Feeling. At times only in jest, but in earnest if need be, Thinking entertains as logical only those conclusions which support Feeling's values. Other scenarios can be shown invalid or at best significantly inferior. Such "Thinking in the service of Feeling" has the appearance of logic, but somehow it never quite adds up.

EIC

I have a love-hate relationship with EIC. I can safely say it's probably my favourite local band, love the music they do and yet I also hate them for some reason. Today, this was the song that stuck with me..

You're Beautiful - James Blunt

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.

There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

@-;--

Tuesday Early Morning with Morrie

“Yeah I cry a lot. Maybe you noticed. Do you cry, Mitch?"

"Uh.."

"All this makes you uncomfortable doesn’t it? The crying and touching. I see you look away.''

''I guess I’m just nor really a touchy-feely guy.''

''Yeah it scares you.''

''Doesn’t scare me.''

''Yes it scares you. All this does. Everything we are talking about – death, dying.''

''There is a reason why people don’t talk about these things.''

''Hmm?''

''To spare people’s feelings.''

''To spare people’s feel – I never have understood that. How can you spare someone’s feelings by denying them?''


This was a dialogue taken from the movie version of Tuesdays with Morrie. I love this book. I couldn't find this dialogue in the book. Somehow when I watched the movie, this part stood out like a beacon for me...enough for me to watch it again just to copy it here. I don't know why but perhaps my subconscious mind knows.

You won't believe the number of DVDs that we failed to watch till we came to this one or that how it didn't show up till it suddenly did . It must be the angels at work. I think I am lucky in the sense that the important lessons always seem to come to me at the right time...maybe I just have the ability to sense it..maybe it's my imagination..maybe it's a heightened sense of awareness..I realised that there were bits in the movie that were not in the book and vice versa. I love them both...I think everyone should read Tuesday with Morrie...I have personally bought it for a few people whom I felt will benefit from it..I just don't know when they will ever read it, if they ever do. I sure hope they do...someday.

@-;--

2005 was...

To me, 2006 begins tomorrow when work begins again... thought I better write this down in case I wanna look back and remember what 2005 was.

2005 was...

The year I turned 25

The year I had a landmark birthday party at Swissotel penthouse suite

The year that changed my life forever after the party

The year that I learnt the meaning and significance of "been there, done that" and the benefits of opening closed doors and dealing with curiousity

The year I discovered new boundaries

The year I learnt the difference between "can do" and "want to do"

The year that I found love...and lost it...perhaps it never found me in the first place

The year I learnt I would rather try and fail than to walk away from the closed door and wonder "what if?"

The year that I had broken two lines of boundaries ( C&J) and hated it

The year that left a regret in my life

The year that I made peace with Wins

The year I learnt love is a journey, not a destination

The year my brothers included me in family meetings

The year I learnt to cherish family

The year I grew closer to my buddies again

The year I met new wonderful friends like Chin, Deb, Diana, Diane... deepened friendships like D. Vader, Natalie, Rach, Zila, Emily, Peiling..too many...I will add as I remember ok? Or just throw me a line in case I have not added you yet!

The year I learnt to sing better

The year I did a lot of dance shows

The year I started teaching salsa

The year I discovered cigars, sheesha and more of wine :P

The year Vigor! team started

The year I moved out and learnt to live on my own

The year I discovered greater spirituality

The year I spent new year's eve in complete solitude to receive 2006

The year that set my mind up on what I want to focus on and to feel the emotional balance after 3 years

2005 was a significant year for me. I hope to add to this list as I recall..but it was definitely quite a year.

@-;--

Family

One thing I like about going over to my brother's place for dinner is not just spending time with family (one of my personal goals for 2006 too) but also the fact that my brother is also a wine and cigar enthusiast..so I always get good wine and cigars :D

Today I had a nice Cloudy Bay Sauvignon Blanc 2005..light with a tinge of sweet..a red RWT..baby grange they say...pardon my shallow knowledge of wines...it was good though..had a partagas who went nicely with the red and a go at my bro's trinidad...ah so smooth...sure wanna smoke that one next time...I was recommended to try some others if I go to Conoisseur Divan too :P

I got a small wooden box from my eldest brother as a gift..now one may not think much of it..but you may not realise that this is the first gift from him that I can remember. My family is a very traditional Chinese family where we don't talk or show much love. As I grew older, I began to see how my family shows love not by the Western way of words and such..but more through little actions..like putting me through school, sending me to and fro places..as I grew older..I realised if not for love, they wouldn't need to.

It was a simple carved wooden box..but I was very happy and surprised to receive it. Thank you bro....for everything. :)

The Last Day of 2005

Now, most people expected me to be out there happening on New Year's Eve..yeah I think people think I look happening..looks can be deceiving my friend. I think I can still shock some people when I tell them some personality tests show me as introvert or very close to being one. So what did I do for New Year's Eve?

I did have party invitations..Thank you for them :) I just didn't feel like going. Somehow I think I just wanted to spend this NYE quietly. So I did. If you watched me from outside my window, I must look quite sad...House is dark, sitting alone in front of the TV watching fireworks...I can see fireworks from my place though :)

Now if you think it's sad, don't be...you should hear what I did AFTER the clock struck 12.

Perhaps its not major enjoyment for some...it certainly was for my gal friend and myself to sit in the jacuzzi with cigars, sheridans, tealights and music...chatting under the stars while ejoying a smoke and a drink :) Salut! *chink chink* We had wine and ice wine but they went bad :( This prompted next program...

"Hmm only teh tarik can make up for it"

"You want prata?"

"Where? That place maggi goreng good right?"

"MAGGI GORENG!!!"

And so we went off to kopitiam hopping..yes you heard me..KOPITIAM HOPPING..not pub hopping haha

"MAGGI GORENG! MAGGI GORENG!"

"FISHBALLS! FISHBALLS! BAK CHOR MEE! DIM SUM!"

Oh well, it was a simple affair but I think this was enough for me..I have spent the first half of 2005 partying enough..Hello 2006, may you be a kind year to us all :)

Now maybe it was too much food..I woke up late today and guess what..I dreamt of food and best part is food COOKING themselves. I didn't remember much of the dream..I taught baking..but I remember someone whom I didn't expect to talk to me...talk to me in the dream..surprisingly friendly and warm in fact and we sat down to watch a cooking program where the food cook themselves! It's hilarious..the feeling of patching up differences was nice though..well hope it happens in real life one day...no not food cooking themselves haha

@-;--