I have broken the 100 mark! I am on my 101th post! As some of you may know I am reading "The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari" by Robin S. Sharma. This is a great book with lots of good thoughts, techniques and quotes. I would like to share a short excerpt here that caught me and hit me in many ways...
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"Quick-fixes do not work. All lasting inner change requires time and effort. Persistence is the mother of personal change. I am not saying it will take years to make profound changes in your life. If you dilligently apply the strategies I am sharing with you every day for one month. you will be astonished at the results. You will begin to tap into the highest levels of your own capacity and enter the realm of the miraculous. But to reach thus destination, you must not get hung up on the outcome. Instead, enjoy the process of personal expansion and growth. Ironically, the less you focus on the end result, the quicker it will come."
"How so?"
"It's like that classic story of the young boy who travelled far from his home to study under a great teacher. When he met the wise old man, his first question was, 'How long will it take me before I am as wise as you?'
"The response came swiftly,'Five years.'
"'This is a very long time,' the boy replied. 'How about if I work twice as hard?'
'' ' Then it will take ten,' said the master.
'' 'Ten! That's far too long. How about if I studied all day and well into the night, every night?'
'' 'Fifteen years,' said the sage.
'' 'I don't understand,' replied the boy. 'Every time I promise to devote more energy to my goal, you tell me that it wil take longer. Why?'
'' 'The answer is simple. With one eye fixed on the destination, there is only one left to guide you along the journey.' ''
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Hope you like it...Good night Ladies and Gentlemen :)
@-;--
Monday, February 27, 2006
Catherine Bradshaw Tan?
I heard from my surprise reader from last entry that she had been following my writings since I started blogging.
I can't tell you how encouraging that is.
Another friend had also told me the same. The reason why I am happy is because I have always liked to write...not everything but pretty much like how Carrie writes about society and people in her column in Sex and The City. I always thought it would be nice to have my own column like that...think here we have it in Sumiko Tan.
Since young, I hated science and numbers. I even wished I liked them so I could have an easier time selecting subjects and take up popular subjects like science and maths so it would fit the Singaporean idea of practicality. I told myself I would never do finance. I love to sing, dance, draw, design and basically you get the idea.
Ah people do change.
I learnt over the years, numbers are important. If I wished to have my own business, I must know numbers. I work in all finance-related work now. What a great change it has been.
All that remains of my childhood love is my art folio which has been collecting dust in my family home, my attempts to go dancing and classes regularly, the occasional visits to galleries and theatre and of course writing.
I always thought one day I would write a book. A friend told me I should write a dance-sical since I like to dance. A column for me to ramble would be nice too. No matter what, it will probably be about people, human beings, being human, all the ugly and beauty that comes wth it. Today, when I told surprise reader I always wanted to have a column if I could, she asked me:
"So what are you doing about it?"
I was shocked.
What a simple question!
I had never thought about doing ANYTHING about it! *Gasp* I have become like one of the many who want and not do anything about it and I prided myself on being less like that. Hmmm...maybe I should really think about it...maybe THAT is my calling...Singapore's very own Carrie Bradshaw, minus the ever troublesome Mr Big plus the nice ending, wonderful friends (which I already have), nice clothes, cosy apartment...*the list goes on*
That would be very nice indeed..oh did I mention the cool couture fashion and the SHOES too? :D
I can't tell you how encouraging that is.
Another friend had also told me the same. The reason why I am happy is because I have always liked to write...not everything but pretty much like how Carrie writes about society and people in her column in Sex and The City. I always thought it would be nice to have my own column like that...think here we have it in Sumiko Tan.
Since young, I hated science and numbers. I even wished I liked them so I could have an easier time selecting subjects and take up popular subjects like science and maths so it would fit the Singaporean idea of practicality. I told myself I would never do finance. I love to sing, dance, draw, design and basically you get the idea.
Ah people do change.
I learnt over the years, numbers are important. If I wished to have my own business, I must know numbers. I work in all finance-related work now. What a great change it has been.
All that remains of my childhood love is my art folio which has been collecting dust in my family home, my attempts to go dancing and classes regularly, the occasional visits to galleries and theatre and of course writing.
I always thought one day I would write a book. A friend told me I should write a dance-sical since I like to dance. A column for me to ramble would be nice too. No matter what, it will probably be about people, human beings, being human, all the ugly and beauty that comes wth it. Today, when I told surprise reader I always wanted to have a column if I could, she asked me:
"So what are you doing about it?"
I was shocked.
What a simple question!
I had never thought about doing ANYTHING about it! *Gasp* I have become like one of the many who want and not do anything about it and I prided myself on being less like that. Hmmm...maybe I should really think about it...maybe THAT is my calling...Singapore's very own Carrie Bradshaw, minus the ever troublesome Mr Big plus the nice ending, wonderful friends (which I already have), nice clothes, cosy apartment...*the list goes on*
That would be very nice indeed..oh did I mention the cool couture fashion and the SHOES too? :D
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Discovery
This post is specially dedicated to Peter!
He can trade, be a stand up comedian , be a geisha spoof (we call him gay-siao)...any talent scout worth his while should pay some attention!
See, I told you I'd do it! *laughs*
Today I found another surprise reader who reads this blog....thank you for taking the effort to :) I wonder how many mystery readers I have but keep them coming...sorry if my ramblings are not too intelligent! *laughs*
She said I think a lot...frankly this statement brings back painful memories. That aside, people who know me in real life will know I can talk a lot of funny crap when I am in the mood... I better 'cos I can be too serious for my own good. Thus this blog was for the other side of me that observes, thinks and wonders...a channel for thought and venting. If you think I think a lot...well this blog was meant to be written this way so I am not surprised. All I do is just watch the world and write things that come to mind. Question your answers remember? And babe, it's really not a bad idea to have just one instead of Mr A to Mr Z. If I can have just one Mr A, I think it's not really such a bad idea.
The funny thing is I have people who think of me ranging from xiao cha bo (loud crazy woman) type to thinking I do not read anything other than Times and Fortune. I am just me la people...I read serious stuff but I like girly comics and anime too. Not everything has to be so absolute black and white :)
Today I had dinner with a friend who felt he had a refreshing conversation with me and that I made him think...thank you too. I have heard this from other people and it's usually because I am open-minded enough to talk about anything or I offer a different perspective...weird enough perhaps? I have a deep sense of respect for people who wanna do something for their family and the lesser in need. Kudos to you my friend! Your good heart will lead you to goodness and greatness! :)
He and I agree...sometimes we get too caught up with letting life lead us than us lead life. I know it because it's been happening...and I knew it as it happened because in a way...I chose it. He said at some point he asked himself what is he doing. I ask myself too. This year was meant for it in fact. I am currently facing some decision making which has come much earlier than expected and I expect it to impact my life greatly for the next few years. The decision calls for sacrifices which I am not sure of how to measure yet. I know if I do not decide, I will not have much of a life this year...which may not be a bad thing because I won't have time to think about unnecessary things. However, I will be exhausted. I guess I will take a step at a time...go with the flow as someone taught me.
I had a feeling about my dad again. My dad is one of those people in my life of which I care deeply about and yet not know how to show it. I don't know how to say it or show it so that we don't end up fighting. I hope to do something for my dad...I just hope I have enough time to. They say we tend to find partners like our dads...I certainly hope not because I am starting to see trends *laughs*
I just heard a secondary school crushis getting married...so sad! *laughs*
@-;--
He can trade, be a stand up comedian , be a geisha spoof (we call him gay-siao)...any talent scout worth his while should pay some attention!
See, I told you I'd do it! *laughs*
Today I found another surprise reader who reads this blog....thank you for taking the effort to :) I wonder how many mystery readers I have but keep them coming...sorry if my ramblings are not too intelligent! *laughs*
She said I think a lot...frankly this statement brings back painful memories. That aside, people who know me in real life will know I can talk a lot of funny crap when I am in the mood... I better 'cos I can be too serious for my own good. Thus this blog was for the other side of me that observes, thinks and wonders...a channel for thought and venting. If you think I think a lot...well this blog was meant to be written this way so I am not surprised. All I do is just watch the world and write things that come to mind. Question your answers remember? And babe, it's really not a bad idea to have just one instead of Mr A to Mr Z. If I can have just one Mr A, I think it's not really such a bad idea.
The funny thing is I have people who think of me ranging from xiao cha bo (loud crazy woman) type to thinking I do not read anything other than Times and Fortune. I am just me la people...I read serious stuff but I like girly comics and anime too. Not everything has to be so absolute black and white :)
Today I had dinner with a friend who felt he had a refreshing conversation with me and that I made him think...thank you too. I have heard this from other people and it's usually because I am open-minded enough to talk about anything or I offer a different perspective...weird enough perhaps? I have a deep sense of respect for people who wanna do something for their family and the lesser in need. Kudos to you my friend! Your good heart will lead you to goodness and greatness! :)
He and I agree...sometimes we get too caught up with letting life lead us than us lead life. I know it because it's been happening...and I knew it as it happened because in a way...I chose it. He said at some point he asked himself what is he doing. I ask myself too. This year was meant for it in fact. I am currently facing some decision making which has come much earlier than expected and I expect it to impact my life greatly for the next few years. The decision calls for sacrifices which I am not sure of how to measure yet. I know if I do not decide, I will not have much of a life this year...which may not be a bad thing because I won't have time to think about unnecessary things. However, I will be exhausted. I guess I will take a step at a time...go with the flow as someone taught me.
I had a feeling about my dad again. My dad is one of those people in my life of which I care deeply about and yet not know how to show it. I don't know how to say it or show it so that we don't end up fighting. I hope to do something for my dad...I just hope I have enough time to. They say we tend to find partners like our dads...I certainly hope not because I am starting to see trends *laughs*
I just heard a secondary school crushis getting married...so sad! *laughs*
@-;--
Friday, February 24, 2006
Greatest Love of All
My Punch Corona was too dry and flat...what a waste.
I heard a guy sing this song some time back and he did it really well so I asked him to sing it again...I teared a bit when I heard it...Forget Great Eastern that spoilt the song..
The Greatest Love of All - Whitney Houston
I believe that children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
Everybody's searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone who fulfilled my need
A lonely place to be and so I learned to depend on me
I decided long ago never to walk in anyone's shadow
If I fail, if I succeed at least I'll live as I believe
No matter what they take from me,
they can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all inside of me
The greatest love of all is easy to achieve
Learn to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all
I heard a guy sing this song some time back and he did it really well so I asked him to sing it again...I teared a bit when I heard it...Forget Great Eastern that spoilt the song..
The Greatest Love of All - Whitney Houston
I believe that children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
Everybody's searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone who fulfilled my need
A lonely place to be and so I learned to depend on me
I decided long ago never to walk in anyone's shadow
If I fail, if I succeed at least I'll live as I believe
No matter what they take from me,
they can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all inside of me
The greatest love of all is easy to achieve
Learn to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Black/White
I realise as human beings...we all have our own experiences that help to build up what we consider as right or wrong. Is there universal truth on what is? For some things, yes I guess...but I realise a lot of right or wrong is often a gray area.
We can never please everyone. Our right may not always be everyone's right. Our wrong may never be the same. That's why there is misunderstanding. There's why people fall out with each other. There's why there is understanding, acceptance and compromise.
I hate to think how I may have hurt you...but guess what...you broke my heart too.
We can never please everyone. Our right may not always be everyone's right. Our wrong may never be the same. That's why there is misunderstanding. There's why people fall out with each other. There's why there is understanding, acceptance and compromise.
I hate to think how I may have hurt you...but guess what...you broke my heart too.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Invisible
Today I had a nice time just being by myself. I had a nice Robaina Unicos which was mild with beans and chocolate, nice Tequila Rose and nice music in a nice place. It was relaxing and made me feel for a short 2 hours...that's what enjoying life is about. It's the pleasure of solitude.
Sometimes people say I don't ask for help...I have been dependent on help for too long. If I keep asking for help, I will never be able to stand on my own. Maybe some don't know what I do with time...well I really work from 7am to God knows when. One work goes on to the next. The last few days was the first time in a long while that I actually relaxed. Sometimes I tell myself I should be happy with responsibility because people place responsibility when they believe you can do it.
Sometimes I feel like disappearing. Sometimes I feel like giving up the fight. This will make things easier and I don't have to feel bad. Recently due to some personal issues...I had to give up a possible option...It's quite dumb but I guess there's little choice. With little time and little choices, it's frustrating to have such things get in the way. I left when I felt it was time...what more can be done?
@-;--
Sometimes people say I don't ask for help...I have been dependent on help for too long. If I keep asking for help, I will never be able to stand on my own. Maybe some don't know what I do with time...well I really work from 7am to God knows when. One work goes on to the next. The last few days was the first time in a long while that I actually relaxed. Sometimes I tell myself I should be happy with responsibility because people place responsibility when they believe you can do it.
Sometimes I feel like disappearing. Sometimes I feel like giving up the fight. This will make things easier and I don't have to feel bad. Recently due to some personal issues...I had to give up a possible option...It's quite dumb but I guess there's little choice. With little time and little choices, it's frustrating to have such things get in the way. I left when I felt it was time...what more can be done?
@-;--
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Thank you reader for the comments
Sometimes I get a surprise comment from a surprise friend which tells me I DO have some people who read my rambles *laughs* Interestingly, they are often people I didn't quite expect...I still wonder who a particular mystery person is but nonetheles...thank you for reading... I really appreciate it...I try to make it more colourful ok? No digital camera :)
I finally got to ride again the other day :D I realised when it comes to riding...you either like it or you really don't. I hope to find some time to finish it by this quarter...I am kinda glad I took a step to do something about it..put all my arcade racing dreams to some form of reality *laughs* No I will not be racing on the roads! It's like how I felt about dancing. People, sometimes we can't do all the things we like to try but trust me when you do, there is little room for regret..in fact you will feel relieved for having nothing to regret over. Sorry if I am an inner tomboy or an inner Ah Lian who likes a sports bike..I just do :P Unless I really can't ride the Honda THEN I will consider the Gilera or vintage or new Vespa.
These days, I don't go out as much...I actually like to huddle under my new quilt *beams* and read...I love curling up under..now that's a cat for you *meoooow* This is one of those days where I am alone at home and relaxed to do housework and chill :D
I went blading today..first time in TEN years....man I almost thought I will fall to my death but apparently I managed to stay on my legs *laughs* Some things don't change...like how minli, pam and my blading style stay the same after 10 years...some things do...like the people we went with, the clothes we wear...yours truly actually wore a bikini top to blade *laughs* sorry I didn't really want multiple tan lines...compared to mambo T-shirts and baggy Alien Workshop jeans...we have evolved...thank God! It's good to go out and do something different once in a while :)
Sometimes in life we meet things that make us feel trapped because we do not like it or want it but we have no choice but to accept it. I call that "resigned to fate mode". You try to live with the thing you do not like and have no choice but to accept and pray one day time will make everything go away and make you happy again. Now that is helplessness for you. Sometimes it stings you but I just try to smile it away...at least try to :)
I finally got to ride again the other day :D I realised when it comes to riding...you either like it or you really don't. I hope to find some time to finish it by this quarter...I am kinda glad I took a step to do something about it..put all my arcade racing dreams to some form of reality *laughs* No I will not be racing on the roads! It's like how I felt about dancing. People, sometimes we can't do all the things we like to try but trust me when you do, there is little room for regret..in fact you will feel relieved for having nothing to regret over. Sorry if I am an inner tomboy or an inner Ah Lian who likes a sports bike..I just do :P Unless I really can't ride the Honda THEN I will consider the Gilera or vintage or new Vespa.
These days, I don't go out as much...I actually like to huddle under my new quilt *beams* and read...I love curling up under..now that's a cat for you *meoooow* This is one of those days where I am alone at home and relaxed to do housework and chill :D
I went blading today..first time in TEN years....man I almost thought I will fall to my death but apparently I managed to stay on my legs *laughs* Some things don't change...like how minli, pam and my blading style stay the same after 10 years...some things do...like the people we went with, the clothes we wear...yours truly actually wore a bikini top to blade *laughs* sorry I didn't really want multiple tan lines...compared to mambo T-shirts and baggy Alien Workshop jeans...we have evolved...thank God! It's good to go out and do something different once in a while :)
Sometimes in life we meet things that make us feel trapped because we do not like it or want it but we have no choice but to accept it. I call that "resigned to fate mode". You try to live with the thing you do not like and have no choice but to accept and pray one day time will make everything go away and make you happy again. Now that is helplessness for you. Sometimes it stings you but I just try to smile it away...at least try to :)
Of past, friends and poetry
Surprise surprise...I actually can't sleep! Not exactly the best thing to so as I have a 9 am meeting tomorrow. So I am gonna ramble all over the place.
I told a friend I was in Toa Payoh for dinner..she made a wild guess I was meeting Mr W.
"Don't tell me you met W for dinner!"
"Actually you are not that far off...I met B for dinner.''
"Who's B?''
"The one before W...you are one boyfriend away."
*Laughs*
I am glad I can sit down for dinner with B and talk nicely. For a while, we were not able to do so. In fact, I am able to do so with all from my past except for 2 persons. One I don't know where he is...the other well..best not to antagonise in case I upset him even more.
I am truly blessed to have friends who care and love. Because I know it's a blessing....sometimes I don't know how to tell them that love and care can hurt too. It's worse because you know their good intentions and you can't bring yourself to tell them it hurts. The more you care about the person, the more it hurts when the love they presume is right for you, hurts you. You can't call it suffering because it comes from good intentions. Yet, it drives a nail into your heart...again and again...till one day...you are not sure if you know how to receive it anymore.
I always had one regret...that is I was not there for my buddy gal during her struggling times when she first started work. It's something I wore on my heart for a long time and still do today. I felt it especially when another friend whom I cherished...gave me a cold hand when I needed her support. That picture somehow never left my mind. Things seemed never the same again.
That is why I am relieved that while I think the cracks are there...things are getting better with buddy gal. I am so proud of her and am so happy for her.
It happened again. Right songs at the right time or perhaps I should say wrong songs at the wrong time. It's so accurate that it scares me.
As I was swimming today..these words flowed into my mind...any aspiring songwriters who can put a tune to it? :)
You can say a thousand words
Beautiful enough to move mountains
You can bring me the most precious gifts
From many a farwaway lands
You can paint me a gallery of portraits
A sea of love and adoration
You can sweep me off my feet
Bring me to the highest of heavens
But baby I have come to learn
Words don't make promises
Gifts don't last forever
With time they fade to oblivion
Give me a hand to hold in spring
To watch the blooming flowers
Give me a river of passion
To flow in the heat of summer
Give me a shoulder to lean on
For the lovely walk in autumn
Give me the warmth I desire
In the cold of winter
Give me a heart
Whose door can be opened
Give me the simple truth
Where pride does not matter
Cos baby
Words don't make promises
Gifts don't last forever
Sometimes what you need ain't just love
@-;--
I told a friend I was in Toa Payoh for dinner..she made a wild guess I was meeting Mr W.
"Don't tell me you met W for dinner!"
"Actually you are not that far off...I met B for dinner.''
"Who's B?''
"The one before W...you are one boyfriend away."
*Laughs*
I am glad I can sit down for dinner with B and talk nicely. For a while, we were not able to do so. In fact, I am able to do so with all from my past except for 2 persons. One I don't know where he is...the other well..best not to antagonise in case I upset him even more.
I am truly blessed to have friends who care and love. Because I know it's a blessing....sometimes I don't know how to tell them that love and care can hurt too. It's worse because you know their good intentions and you can't bring yourself to tell them it hurts. The more you care about the person, the more it hurts when the love they presume is right for you, hurts you. You can't call it suffering because it comes from good intentions. Yet, it drives a nail into your heart...again and again...till one day...you are not sure if you know how to receive it anymore.
I always had one regret...that is I was not there for my buddy gal during her struggling times when she first started work. It's something I wore on my heart for a long time and still do today. I felt it especially when another friend whom I cherished...gave me a cold hand when I needed her support. That picture somehow never left my mind. Things seemed never the same again.
That is why I am relieved that while I think the cracks are there...things are getting better with buddy gal. I am so proud of her and am so happy for her.
It happened again. Right songs at the right time or perhaps I should say wrong songs at the wrong time. It's so accurate that it scares me.
As I was swimming today..these words flowed into my mind...any aspiring songwriters who can put a tune to it? :)
You can say a thousand words
Beautiful enough to move mountains
You can bring me the most precious gifts
From many a farwaway lands
You can paint me a gallery of portraits
A sea of love and adoration
You can sweep me off my feet
Bring me to the highest of heavens
But baby I have come to learn
Words don't make promises
Gifts don't last forever
With time they fade to oblivion
Give me a hand to hold in spring
To watch the blooming flowers
Give me a river of passion
To flow in the heat of summer
Give me a shoulder to lean on
For the lovely walk in autumn
Give me the warmth I desire
In the cold of winter
Give me a heart
Whose door can be opened
Give me the simple truth
Where pride does not matter
Cos baby
Words don't make promises
Gifts don't last forever
Sometimes what you need ain't just love
@-;--
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Cynic
Today a friend told me the sweet story of her sister's boyfriend had went to the trouble of making Valentine's Day memorable for her. It ranged from the surprise fancy dinner, the flowers, hotel room with rose petals, bubble bath and all. When was the last time you remember a guy making that much effort? A new relationship or perhaps a young man? Yup you are right.
"How sweet!"
Now that would have been the first thing that cross my mind in the past...but instead..it was...
"Wow the guy is trying really hard to make sure he gets some action that night"
Not exactly very positive thinking is it?
I do not doubt the guy likes her enough. The thing I found interesting was the first thing that crossed my mind was the latter because for a great part of my life, my immediate response would have been the former. I do feel it is sweet but somehow it doesn't move me as it used to.
Cynicism? Indifference? Frankly I have no idea.
I have been very busy recently. Not that I am very surprised. I wanted to be busy and expected to be busy. People ask me why and how I live this. Well the truth is, it is tiring. I can sleep nearly anytime, anyplace. I have reasons to hold on to this life a bit longer but frankly I don't have much complaints except I do need to manage time better to find time for myself and the people I love. I prefer to be busy and I wanted it. In a way, it keeps me sane in insanity.
@-;--
"How sweet!"
Now that would have been the first thing that cross my mind in the past...but instead..it was...
"Wow the guy is trying really hard to make sure he gets some action that night"
Not exactly very positive thinking is it?
I do not doubt the guy likes her enough. The thing I found interesting was the first thing that crossed my mind was the latter because for a great part of my life, my immediate response would have been the former. I do feel it is sweet but somehow it doesn't move me as it used to.
Cynicism? Indifference? Frankly I have no idea.
I have been very busy recently. Not that I am very surprised. I wanted to be busy and expected to be busy. People ask me why and how I live this. Well the truth is, it is tiring. I can sleep nearly anytime, anyplace. I have reasons to hold on to this life a bit longer but frankly I don't have much complaints except I do need to manage time better to find time for myself and the people I love. I prefer to be busy and I wanted it. In a way, it keeps me sane in insanity.
@-;--
Thursday, February 16, 2006
On my own
I realise people here seem to have an over glamourous and cotton candy idea of staying out on your own. Too much of Friends, Sex and the City type drama I guess.
Well the truth is you do get more freedom. The truth is also that dishes, clothes, bedsheets, keeping the house clean, if left undone...will be undone.
TV can't possible show Sarah Jessica Parker slogging it out to clean her house in an old T-shirt can they?
Some people go back home eventually. I don't quite foresee that for myself. I had a dream just now..perhaps it was my horoscope that said someone from my past may come back..I dreamt of someone looking for me in my parent's place...and that I had moved home. Nah, I think I still like living out...just whether with other people or on my own.
Well the truth is you do get more freedom. The truth is also that dishes, clothes, bedsheets, keeping the house clean, if left undone...will be undone.
TV can't possible show Sarah Jessica Parker slogging it out to clean her house in an old T-shirt can they?
Some people go back home eventually. I don't quite foresee that for myself. I had a dream just now..perhaps it was my horoscope that said someone from my past may come back..I dreamt of someone looking for me in my parent's place...and that I had moved home. Nah, I think I still like living out...just whether with other people or on my own.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Unromantic
I finally found a minute to catch a breather...Last few days has been madness of shuffling in between work and even with that a lot of my work awaits me. Stress stress..
This must be my most unromantic Valentine's Day ever.
Not slept much. Ate a lot. Not exercised much. Bad skin. Bad physcial condition. Endless work.
This year's Valentine's Day, I spent it to make other girls happy...desensitizes the whole romantic feel of it...but I must say there are some sweet guys out there and definitely...bastards too.
This must be my most unromantic Valentine's Day ever.
Not slept much. Ate a lot. Not exercised much. Bad skin. Bad physcial condition. Endless work.
This year's Valentine's Day, I spent it to make other girls happy...desensitizes the whole romantic feel of it...but I must say there are some sweet guys out there and definitely...bastards too.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Lie
People told me there was a big lie. A lie, a deception. Sometimes I cannot help but feel that too. Most times, I would rather trust my gut feel...how silly.
Monday, February 06, 2006
The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari
This morning was like many other mornings where I had woken up in an unearthly hour like 5 am. Yet, this morning felt a little different from others. Something told me I had to read a book..not fiction or business reading but a book about life. So I didn't switch on my trading system as I usually do and picked up a book instead.
And so I picked up a book called "The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari".
"Life is no brief candle for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handling it on to future generations." - George Brnard Shaw
I cannot explain how I feel about the timing of this book. As I read the book...even at first chapter...I felt a sense of familiarity. The strange thing is...I have been getting similar things pop up in my life recently.
People call it coincidence...some call it think too much...but at some point of my life, I realised that every human being is capable of intuition and very often the messages are there...it's just whether you are tuning in that's all. So I started paying attention to things that keep popping up because it usually says something.
The other day I laid in my room and suddenly a thought came to my mind. Many know me as the multi tasking girl and ask me why do I work so hard? Actually I still think I don't work hard enough..but anyway..I suddenly thought what if there was a different life I could lead?
What if I could just drop everything now and leave? What if I could just work and travel? Which deadline as I using? Life... or the one I had set for myself? This is a profound question of which I do not know what words to use than these simple words. Simply put, are we really living for life or is life living us?
Please do not be mistaken. I like to be busy with work and I do not hate it. I like to be productive and see myself going on momentum. Simply put, I am not saying this out of burnout.
People who know me long enough will know that I want to go travel. I cannot tell you how much this calling has grown over the recent years. I am not talking about that two weeks in Greece, two weeks in London type. I am talking about really going travelling...with a camera..a notebook or maybe laptop to write. A life that is probably involved with serving humans or spirituality.
Some time ago I had a realisation that this life that is so entwined with career , money, fianance and business is transitory. This means I am in it because I wanted it. People think it's the money..sure I need the money for certain things...but like my best friend who will understand it, its the sense of achievement and completion that really motivates us.
Perhaps it's the product of capitalism..a trait very apparent in this part of the world...Singaporeans have been so ingrained with the idea that we must always be productive, chasing after some high flying position or bigger paycheck to be considered sucessful. Success is very often measured by the job you have or the pay you take home. It is no wonder people get so traumatised when they get retrenched because the identity of oneself becomes compromised.
People can say the cliche line of success is more than money but how many people can honestly say they really practise what they preach?
I think in way, it is the product of that system that I have such goals for myself. There are of course personal things that motivates me but somehow I always had the feeling...one day I will just drop everything and go. I have found the thing I find interesting to do for life in terms of work but somehow this feeling always lingered around. It is almost like my little voice telling fate: "Please give me a bit more time, let me finish this".
The other day I did a tarot card reading for fun...the guy told me... "when you find love, your whole life will change and your identity will be different..your purpose will be different..I do not see you travel until you give all these financial work up"....well he also told me I could become the best housewife the world has ever seen so God knows if I do get to travel? *laughs?*
Ever thought of living? :)
And so I picked up a book called "The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari".
"Life is no brief candle for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handling it on to future generations." - George Brnard Shaw
I cannot explain how I feel about the timing of this book. As I read the book...even at first chapter...I felt a sense of familiarity. The strange thing is...I have been getting similar things pop up in my life recently.
People call it coincidence...some call it think too much...but at some point of my life, I realised that every human being is capable of intuition and very often the messages are there...it's just whether you are tuning in that's all. So I started paying attention to things that keep popping up because it usually says something.
The other day I laid in my room and suddenly a thought came to my mind. Many know me as the multi tasking girl and ask me why do I work so hard? Actually I still think I don't work hard enough..but anyway..I suddenly thought what if there was a different life I could lead?
What if I could just drop everything now and leave? What if I could just work and travel? Which deadline as I using? Life... or the one I had set for myself? This is a profound question of which I do not know what words to use than these simple words. Simply put, are we really living for life or is life living us?
Please do not be mistaken. I like to be busy with work and I do not hate it. I like to be productive and see myself going on momentum. Simply put, I am not saying this out of burnout.
People who know me long enough will know that I want to go travel. I cannot tell you how much this calling has grown over the recent years. I am not talking about that two weeks in Greece, two weeks in London type. I am talking about really going travelling...with a camera..a notebook or maybe laptop to write. A life that is probably involved with serving humans or spirituality.
Some time ago I had a realisation that this life that is so entwined with career , money, fianance and business is transitory. This means I am in it because I wanted it. People think it's the money..sure I need the money for certain things...but like my best friend who will understand it, its the sense of achievement and completion that really motivates us.
Perhaps it's the product of capitalism..a trait very apparent in this part of the world...Singaporeans have been so ingrained with the idea that we must always be productive, chasing after some high flying position or bigger paycheck to be considered sucessful. Success is very often measured by the job you have or the pay you take home. It is no wonder people get so traumatised when they get retrenched because the identity of oneself becomes compromised.
People can say the cliche line of success is more than money but how many people can honestly say they really practise what they preach?
I think in way, it is the product of that system that I have such goals for myself. There are of course personal things that motivates me but somehow I always had the feeling...one day I will just drop everything and go. I have found the thing I find interesting to do for life in terms of work but somehow this feeling always lingered around. It is almost like my little voice telling fate: "Please give me a bit more time, let me finish this".
The other day I did a tarot card reading for fun...the guy told me... "when you find love, your whole life will change and your identity will be different..your purpose will be different..I do not see you travel until you give all these financial work up"....well he also told me I could become the best housewife the world has ever seen so God knows if I do get to travel? *laughs?*
Ever thought of living? :)
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Object
I have been in a better mood recently....not much reason to but just been feeling more chirpy :)
There's object of affection, there's object of detest...ever been an object of detest?
Ever been so detested that anything you touch or do is a stinking piece of thing or the ground you walk upon is untouchable? Ever been so detested that it's like your very presence is acidly unbearable?
Ever felt like giving up but you can't and there is nothing that can be done but acceptance and resignation?
I must be getting more optimistic :) I am actually able to close my eyes and smile more these days :)
There's object of affection, there's object of detest...ever been an object of detest?
Ever been so detested that anything you touch or do is a stinking piece of thing or the ground you walk upon is untouchable? Ever been so detested that it's like your very presence is acidly unbearable?
Ever felt like giving up but you can't and there is nothing that can be done but acceptance and resignation?
I must be getting more optimistic :) I am actually able to close my eyes and smile more these days :)
Saturday, February 04, 2006
The Reason
Ok this song is overplayed but coincidentally I heard this song twice tonight which I haven't in a long time..
The Reason - Hoobastank
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear
I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is You [x4]
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I've found out a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
They say it takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and an day to love someone...but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
"I am trying to get over"
How long does it take to forget someone? I feel for you, my dear friend...it must be difficult.
The other day, another friend told me his story. He is back giving a second shot with his ex. Well nothing special you may say but it is after one hell of a nasty breakup and nearly a decade later that they are giving this a shot again...in face of all complexities and difficulties. I won't say they are getting all the support but who is anyone to decide what is right or the outcome for them when they have decided to try again with so much at stake?
Dear friend, I support the decisions you make but just in case it fails, I will be there for you as you have been for me :)
The Reason - Hoobastank
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear
I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is You [x4]
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I've found out a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
They say it takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and an day to love someone...but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
"I am trying to get over"
How long does it take to forget someone? I feel for you, my dear friend...it must be difficult.
The other day, another friend told me his story. He is back giving a second shot with his ex. Well nothing special you may say but it is after one hell of a nasty breakup and nearly a decade later that they are giving this a shot again...in face of all complexities and difficulties. I won't say they are getting all the support but who is anyone to decide what is right or the outcome for them when they have decided to try again with so much at stake?
Dear friend, I support the decisions you make but just in case it fails, I will be there for you as you have been for me :)
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Thank you for loving me
Today I had a conversation with a friend who said he will buy a Hugo suit just to attend my wedding. I know a lot of you will be relieved and happy when I do get married.
Thank you for loving me... I know everything you guys scold me or "bitch" about for is simply because you care enough and how much you feel sad for me when I feel sad.
Thank you...It's my blessing.
Thank you for loving me... I know everything you guys scold me or "bitch" about for is simply because you care enough and how much you feel sad for me when I feel sad.
Thank you...It's my blessing.
Hard Work = Success?
Some say perseverance is the key to success. Sometimes I wonder if that is true. Sometimes I think maybe I am just too stubborn. Perseverance is admired and stubborn..oh well.
I hate to question myself and have doubts in myself. However, sometimes I can't help myself but ask is perseverance really the key? I have persevered, perhaps not hard enough, maybe too hard... for some things...perhaps the wrong things...but I have already seen...perseverance doesn't always pay.
The world calls to me...More and more, I have been hearing a little voice calling out to me over the years...two in fact. Maybe it's time to listen more attentively.
I hate to question myself and have doubts in myself. However, sometimes I can't help myself but ask is perseverance really the key? I have persevered, perhaps not hard enough, maybe too hard... for some things...perhaps the wrong things...but I have already seen...perseverance doesn't always pay.
The world calls to me...More and more, I have been hearing a little voice calling out to me over the years...two in fact. Maybe it's time to listen more attentively.
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