Of Love Lost and Closure

Today I had to do something that made me quite sad. I had to mediate for two people whom I care about immensely, at the cross junction of their relationship. Previous attempts to find a resolution had been unsuccessful so they needed to have a 3 way talk.

I think I would have wanted such a three way talk for myself too. In fact, it was supposed to happen but never did. Perhaps I would have wanted to save whatever could be saved and if it could not be saved, to find a peaceful closure. I think at some point, they didn't realise how valuable this talk was till I had to remind them what I would pay to have a chance like this. As of many relatioships that come to my attention, I realised there was always too much pride, too much assumption and too little love. There was too much YOU vs ME rather then YOU AND ME ie US. The arguments are always "Why couldn't you do this? Why did you do that?" instead of "We have an issue here. What can we do to help our relationship and make each other happy?"

There were always things that should have been said but not said, things that should have been done, not done and vice versa. The modern individual finds it hard to say sorry much less I love you. There was always too much attention on winning the fight, not the problem. There was always too much attention on fighting each other only to lose the thing that they were fighing to protect. There were always expectations not communicated, not managed and sometimes, not realistic in the first place. I find it very sad to know that two people who like each other cannot find a way to resolve their issues and find a way together. If two people can be together, try to the best they can. If the best is just not enough, saying goodbye will leave no regrets because you know all has been done but you are just not right for each other. For you two, I am glad you found peace.

It's always difficult when it comes to ourselves. These observations are clear as an observer and yet as a participant, we will always be guilty of one of the above. There may too much pride, too much assumption, too little courage, understanding and clarity...leading to countless misunderstandings and hurt. When hurt gets to a point beyond salvation, it becomes sad and painful to watch two people who like each other unable to put things aside and have to say goodbye. There comes a point you just know. It becomes a case of "Maybe we are just the right people who met at the wrong time." Things may not have needed to come to such a stage but that's the human fallacy.

On retrospect, I wonder how things got so thick and messed up. I wonder how we got from where we started to where we ended. How the things we believed in turned to complete opposites. Your surprise is as much as mine. Too much assumption, too little faith and too little courage. In our friend's words, we two are just "chicken shit".