Self Respect

Yesterday, I had a funny conversation with two of my friends.

"Ah breasts, breasts, breasts and more breasts again!" my gal friend said as she was flipping through a men's magazine. "You don't see c*ck, c*ck, c*ck in a woman's magazine do you?" I laughed and thought, "Yeah, why are men fascinated with breasts?"

Is it because it is something they don't have? Because it's something they don't see often? We don't see another person's scalp most of the time and you don't see guys hyperventilating about scalps do you? So why the fascination with breasts? One can say men are made this way. However, which man was born to know breasts are erotic? I think it's man-made and brain washing since young. Talk about ingrained thinking..this brings me to another topic.

A gal friend of mine had a fight with her boyfriend who ran out of town without a word. She fought for her rights as she felt she was not being treated fairly. I admired her for doing so and wondered, "Why am I so bad at fighting for myself? Why do I give in eventually?"

I realised I always gave in. I always placed harmony above fight. I always wanted to find a way out together then fight. Then I realised, perhaps I do not give myself enough self respect. Self respect, ladies, make others respect you because you respect yourself enough to know enough is enough.

Perhaps I am not adept at expressing myself or perhaps I just try to make things lighter so sometimes people tend to see things wrongly or not the way it plays in my head. A friend of mine also said sometimes I don't quite play the things in my head out. Maybe that's another reason too.

I realised one of the things that bugged me about my last relationship (or something like it) was why was I totally unlike myself at times? The only times I got drunk in my life had to happen during that time. The time when I got really upset and a fight that spiralled out of nothing also happened at the same time. The things that I probably would not have engaged in, I did. What was wrong? That whole feeling of lack of self respect! How in the world could that have happened?? Thinking back, I feel ashamed and embarrassed for some things.

However, I also realised that a lot of times in my whole life, I gave in for the sake of overall harmony, sacrificing my own thoughts and rights in the process. Ladies, I have come to learn an important lesson when I reflected back on a relationship few years ago recently.

Do not ever let a man make you feel smaller and less worthy than who you are. Never ever let your self worth be stepped upon and leave feeling like a piece of rubbish. That is TOTAL RUBBISH. If you need me to repeat, it's plain simple RUBBISH.

It takes time to heal and the effects are wide and deep. The sad thing is, I see this happening amongst women often. Why is that so? Why are we so willing to accept being thrashed up even though it may not always be our fault entirely? In a world where it is survival of the fittest, is it the true for men and women as well?

Please do not be mistaken, I am not saying this is about male-bashing or men being all jerks. My heart goes out to the men who got bullied by women (which seems like a rising percentage by the way). However, women are just so likely to give up and give in when it comes to a fight, accepting a decision that may not be hers in the first place. Self sacrifice is a part of love but it is not love. Being a martyr is for war heroes.

It may be due to the our upbringing where the man is generally accepted as the leader. The sadder thing is, women can do it and justify it and believe it to be happiness. Happiness at what price? It is no wonder some guys are so surprised when their girlfriends suddenly give up one day. It is no surprise because the women have been living it in till the point it just falls apart one day and they realise there is nothing left to give because they have used up everything to sustain giving in.

Yes, it happens to men too and I must say there are more men who are willing to get in touch with their softer side and show more compassion. For now, most of such horror stories come from women, including my own. Let's hope we all have a little respect in all of us and I never have to look back and wonder why in the world did I do or not do something. It's not a nice feeling at all.

On a positive note...People have asked me what's my favourite movie and while I won't say it's my favourite, it's the one that always comes to mind when I think of memorable movies. Ever heard of Gattaca? I love the theme about the power of human spirit. Here's a real life clip about human spirit where a disability may not be a handicap. Enjoy :)

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