Daddy

Today I would like to write about Daddy.

Daddy is one of those people in my life that brings about very mixed feelings whenever I think about him. There are people in my life that I can show care easily but Daddy is one of those people in my life that I love very much but can never bring myself to show it whenever I see him. It's strange that it is sometimes hardest to care about the people you care about the most.

I remember a few years ago, I felt that Dad didn't care very much about us. Ever since his business failure, Dad became more distant. I remember once when I was to receive a prize in school and our family was invited to attend the prize giving ceremony. In a fit of rage one day, he tore up the invitation in my face. It broke my little heart then. I often wondered when will Dad stand up to face the world again.

I was very surprised when I was looking through his wallet one day and saw pictures of us in his wallet. What made me happy and sad was...every picture had me in it. He had one picture of just me...only me.

There were no words and he never said anything but at that point, I kinda knew...he did care.

Ever since then, whenever I got angry and disappointed with him, I will think back on that day. Everytime I do, I will cry. There are times when I felt like talking to him but we will end up fighting. There are times when I feel heartache to see him let life drift away and know my words fall on deaf ears. There are times when I feel guilt for being away. There are times when I wonder if my wish for him will be realised in time.

Ever since I came out to stay on my own, the person that I have been worried about the most is Dad. It is in growing up and moving out that I realised the feeling and importance of family. These few days, I have been getting weird feelings about him. I think it's about time for me to do something.