Package

The other day, a couple of us were discussing what attracts a girl to a guy and a guy to a girl?

One of us said, "For guys, it's the whole package the gal has."

I think it's not just for guys but for gals as well.

I came to see this recently...even can call it a sense of wonder about this idea of whole package.

No one is perfect. This is something we all realised by now. Have you ever had the experience where you know someone who is not perfect but you can't help but hear yourself go "wow"? I had a gal friend who told me she liked this guy whom she knew was not perfect but the whole package he had left her with a sense of awe and "wow". Apparently, it left her weak in her knees just to watch him. My my. Amazing isn't it? To her, he was perfect. I found it quite amusing because it made my gal friend so much like a "xiao nu ren" aka "little woman". " Some people just have this effect on us I guess.

Actually I find this feeling quite scary *laughs* Have I ever had this feeling? Ha I am not saying :P

@-;--

Fall In Love Again

I know I have written about this before but the point I am trying to make is exactly why I wrote about it again.

There are some people in life you fall in love with over and over again.

No friends, I did not find a new man.

Everytime I meet my gal pals, everytime I have a chat with them, I feel happy. I have found friends that I also come to cherish a lot over the years but to my Sex and The City bunch, there is this particular sense of sisterly love that makes it special. I would dare say I have found friends I am equally close to over the years. However, there is just something about them that makes me feel at ease each time I have the opportunity to catch up and chat. It's like a fresh renewal everytime.

I have mentioned this before...sometimes I think this is what love should be like. You have bad times, you may scream at each other, hate some stuff each other do but end of the day, you still care a lot about each other's well being. Tou still work out the problems because that link is more important than fighting. There is nothing idealistic about it because you come to accept each other's existence in all its imperfection. You still watch the other person and feel glad to have that person in your life. It's like you fall in love over and over again.

To my gal pals, I feel happy to catch up with you gals each time. I think without you gals, it would have been even harder than what has been. I am truly blessed to have you gals, truly. :)

@-;--

Trip Over

We all make mistakes. Sometimes, mistakes fleet past. Sometimes, you feel its consequences very much later. Sometimes, it's intangible. Sometimes, it's tangible. Sometimes, it's a mixture of both.

Sometimes, making mistakes is necessary so you learn consequence. The inevitable is necessary so you will understand the cruelty of reality. The wrong is necessary so you know the path not to take even if you know there are two to choose from. Sometimes, you can trip over and stand up. Sometimes, it takes a lot longer and the torture of it takes a lot longer to go away.

I can feel some of my past mistakes catching up with me. I always tell myself "It will be over one day." I don't really know when it will be...maybe I didn't try hard enough but I will like to believe one day will come.

Dear God, it will be...I still believe it will be. I am holding for one day to come...when I will finally be free.

@-;--

Domino

Here are 2 hot babes watching DVD at home , tucked under blankets in unglam clothes on a FRIDAY night. Something is wrong!

What's even more wrong is while we were watching Domino, some erm big sized chick has a boyfriend while we two hot chicks are watching DVD on Friday night.

Domino is a cool movie. I had the poster on my wall even before I watched the movie. I like her style and don't-f**k-with-me-attitude..not to mention those realllllly low leather pants. Hot stuff.

Buying that picture and putting it right in the centre was a right decision :)

My Stripper Song

Your Stripper Song Is

Master and Servant by Depeche Mode "There?s a new gameWe like to play you seeA game with added realityYou treat me like a dogGet me down on my knees" Yawn, dancing is so boring without a little spice.

What Song Should You Strip To?

I frankly have no idea what song it is! I'd rather Dancing In The Rain by Rosa...Seeeexxxyyyy

Power woman!

A friend wrote such a power woman comment for my last entry I had to post it! :)

don't you just hate these rites of passage? growing up does suck.. and as a woman, it's that multiplied by 10 thousand with all of our sensitive fragile nerves all intricately joined to form one brain center.. don't apologize or feel sorry just because we were MADE to be nurturing, caring, sensitive, accomodating and blah blah blah.

yes we love men and men love us, but what rules above all the men and everyone else in this poor planet is still knowing who the heck you are inside and who you really represent and your beliefs and values. if they stand you in good stead, use them as your pillar of strength and no amount of cheating men will ever dare trespass that.

start showing that and ppl will soon see that it is not just about being single, we all do not need another person to validate our existence. to SHARE our lives, our happy and saddest moments, yes of course, but we certainly do not choose to live our life just because of one person. we as women need to wake up to the idea of liberation in its most basic but yet highest form.. gettin in deep within yourself and feeling the very essence of your being and what you really believe in. whether you're single or not doesn't matter as long as you keep that very special place in you for you intact and glowingly radiant. once you get there, spread the word and joy to our contemporaries for it is the freedom that we all seek for in this male dominated world :)

cheerios babe !

THAT'S what we are talking about! Hear hear ladies and stand up! Like Lóreal says it the best..Because you're worth it!

Sob Story. Sigh.

Sigh.

Another crying girl.

Sobbing story of a two-timing man who appears to have another woman that he's hiding from her as well of him not wanting to let her know his number, address etc.

Girl loves boy. Girl is faithful and devoted to boy.

Why are we so dumb as women?

Why do we like to build our love and world around a man?

We build our world around a man, think the world of him, stay devoted and not speak to other guys. This is the thing young girls do. Oh yes I am sure every women has been through that stage and may I dare say, MANY of such stages.

I know, because I have been there.

Passé ladies, passé!

The saddest thing is, many of these women are beautiful, have great personality and are popular. Why? One may ask.

Because we don't love ourselves enough.

Because we don't love ourselves enough to respect ourselves as individuals who are capable of being a complete being by ourselves. Because we don't love ourselves to keep enough of us for us. I think when we do, the guys respect us for respecting ourselves.

We see it clearly when it's not our situation and yet when we are there, we will make the same mistake again. When will we ever learn? Are we not deserving of love?

@-;--

Sunday

Today, I got a phone call from my baby niece. To put it more precisely, she had taken my mum's phone and dialled my number by mistake. It was really funny to hear a baby go gah-gah and laugh and yet you know you can't really blame her. When I finally gave up and hung up the phone, I couldn't help but smile.

I am very clumsy with kids but I think over the years I have come to appreciate simplicity in people. People that you don't have to guess what their mind is really thinking, people who will not lie and people who deal with you with their true sincerity and heart. Babies are the most perfect embodiment of this type of people.

Today I watched a show that said when you dream of someone calling out to you, it's because that person's desire to see you is so strong that they flew out in their to see you in your dreams. I am not sure if it's true but it sure was an interesting way of looking at things. If it was true, it would be nice indeed..sometimes... *laughs* No perverts please!

I realise I cannot have spare time on my hands. Spare time is something I enjoy and yet fear at the same time. Strange dilemma isn't it?

Recently, I started considering a different life. A completely different life. Have you ever considered a life that is completely different from what you always knew? If you did, will you pursue it?

Voice

Dio caro che sono stancato di vita. Mi sono stancato di essendo su incatenato. Mi sono stancato di non è in grado di tutto partire. Mi sono stancato di essendo odiato. Mi sono stancato di sentendo indifeso. Mi sono stancato di essendo perso. Mi sono stancato di tentare di stare felice. Non sveglio e non vedo l'ora di ogni giorno prossimo. Mi sono stancato di fallire. Mi sono stancato di sentendo stupido. Mi sono stancato di fallire di comunicare. Dio caro, mi sono realmente stancato. Quando questo mai finirà?

Angel

I am waiting for that angel
Her beautiful face
Big glowing wings
Soft gentle hands
To bring me corals from the sea in my dreams
To bring me flowers from the fields I have not touched
To bring me the wind of vast lands
To bring me the smiles of foreign lands

I am waiting for that angel
Her beautiful face
Big glowing wings
Soft gentle hands
To finish all her holy tasks
To save the all homeless lives
To bring warmth to the cold
To bring light in the night

I am waiting for that angel
Her beautiful face
Big glowing wings
Soft gentle hands
To remember that I am waiting for her
To take away the chains of life
To lift me to the highest skies
To touch the clouds of hope in any sight

I am waiting for that angel
Her beautiful face
Big glowing wings
Soft gentle hands
Will she remember?

@-;--

Really?

I have heard this statement many times. It never quite left an impression on me till I heard it on a movie the other day.

Boy was asking girl why she liked him even though she was pretty and popular. She answered:

"I don't need a reason...because I love you"

How sweet.

But, really?

I could have thought this to be possible and it sure sounds romantic enough. However, I have ceased to believe love in itself conquers all. Perhaps true love I have not found and thus I have nothing to say about that but then again, what is true love?

Does such love exist? One that exists with no reason and exists in itself with all purity and intensity? Can such love withstand time, life, reality, changes and all those stands forth in the way of love? They say the course of true love never did run smooth. When two lovers fight, can they find the strength to remember their love if there is no reason behind it? I have seen too many who cannot.

I also came to this realisation recently. It's true ladies, sometimes what we think we want isn't really what we want.

Some of my long time gal friends will probably remember me saying this about the kind of guy I'll probably like. Most people looking at the amount of crap I say and my so-called extroverted nature will probably find it hard to believe that for a very long time, I told my gal friends I actually like the silent killer type...the type that doesn't talk much but makes a lot of sense and intelligence when they do speak. I had a guy friend like that in university and he never fails to impress me. Before that I always thought I would like someone very very outgoing but guess what? It turns out quite differently.

We always say we want cute guys but truth is I realise don't like guys that are too perfect...perfect, polished skin and all. I like guys who are a bit different and with an "edge". I always thought I would like guys who are more SNAG type and I sure do because they are easier to communicate with, but call it animal instinct, there is an innate desire for a strong male.

Ladies, sometimes that innate instinct contradicts with what we think we want. Try it, think harder about the men you have been with, been attracted to and you might just see what I mean.

@-;--

Slow Dance

I got this off a friend's blog...I love it and so I am sharing it with you.

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask "How are you?"
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say "Hi"?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

To life and all it has to offer..Cheers

A thought..."I don't need a reason because I love you"....Really?...If tomorrow was the last day of your life, would you do all the things you ran away from?

Self Respect

Yesterday, I had a funny conversation with two of my friends.

"Ah breasts, breasts, breasts and more breasts again!" my gal friend said as she was flipping through a men's magazine. "You don't see c*ck, c*ck, c*ck in a woman's magazine do you?" I laughed and thought, "Yeah, why are men fascinated with breasts?"

Is it because it is something they don't have? Because it's something they don't see often? We don't see another person's scalp most of the time and you don't see guys hyperventilating about scalps do you? So why the fascination with breasts? One can say men are made this way. However, which man was born to know breasts are erotic? I think it's man-made and brain washing since young. Talk about ingrained thinking..this brings me to another topic.

A gal friend of mine had a fight with her boyfriend who ran out of town without a word. She fought for her rights as she felt she was not being treated fairly. I admired her for doing so and wondered, "Why am I so bad at fighting for myself? Why do I give in eventually?"

I realised I always gave in. I always placed harmony above fight. I always wanted to find a way out together then fight. Then I realised, perhaps I do not give myself enough self respect. Self respect, ladies, make others respect you because you respect yourself enough to know enough is enough.

Perhaps I am not adept at expressing myself or perhaps I just try to make things lighter so sometimes people tend to see things wrongly or not the way it plays in my head. A friend of mine also said sometimes I don't quite play the things in my head out. Maybe that's another reason too.

I realised one of the things that bugged me about my last relationship (or something like it) was why was I totally unlike myself at times? The only times I got drunk in my life had to happen during that time. The time when I got really upset and a fight that spiralled out of nothing also happened at the same time. The things that I probably would not have engaged in, I did. What was wrong? That whole feeling of lack of self respect! How in the world could that have happened?? Thinking back, I feel ashamed and embarrassed for some things.

However, I also realised that a lot of times in my whole life, I gave in for the sake of overall harmony, sacrificing my own thoughts and rights in the process. Ladies, I have come to learn an important lesson when I reflected back on a relationship few years ago recently.

Do not ever let a man make you feel smaller and less worthy than who you are. Never ever let your self worth be stepped upon and leave feeling like a piece of rubbish. That is TOTAL RUBBISH. If you need me to repeat, it's plain simple RUBBISH.

It takes time to heal and the effects are wide and deep. The sad thing is, I see this happening amongst women often. Why is that so? Why are we so willing to accept being thrashed up even though it may not always be our fault entirely? In a world where it is survival of the fittest, is it the true for men and women as well?

Please do not be mistaken, I am not saying this is about male-bashing or men being all jerks. My heart goes out to the men who got bullied by women (which seems like a rising percentage by the way). However, women are just so likely to give up and give in when it comes to a fight, accepting a decision that may not be hers in the first place. Self sacrifice is a part of love but it is not love. Being a martyr is for war heroes.

It may be due to the our upbringing where the man is generally accepted as the leader. The sadder thing is, women can do it and justify it and believe it to be happiness. Happiness at what price? It is no wonder some guys are so surprised when their girlfriends suddenly give up one day. It is no surprise because the women have been living it in till the point it just falls apart one day and they realise there is nothing left to give because they have used up everything to sustain giving in.

Yes, it happens to men too and I must say there are more men who are willing to get in touch with their softer side and show more compassion. For now, most of such horror stories come from women, including my own. Let's hope we all have a little respect in all of us and I never have to look back and wonder why in the world did I do or not do something. It's not a nice feeling at all.

On a positive note...People have asked me what's my favourite movie and while I won't say it's my favourite, it's the one that always comes to mind when I think of memorable movies. Ever heard of Gattaca? I love the theme about the power of human spirit. Here's a real life clip about human spirit where a disability may not be a handicap. Enjoy :)

@-;--

Mistakes and Forgiveness

I got this through a friend today and while it has a Christian theme. I would suggest for non Christians to read it too. A simple story with a lovely message that is not just about God or Religion but also about mistakes and forgiveness.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There was a little boy visiting his grandparents on their farm.

One day Johnny was given a slingshot to play with. He practiced in the woods but he could never hit the target. Getting a little discouraged he headed back to dinner. As he was walking back he saw Grandma's pet duck. Just out of impulse he let the slingshot fly, hit the duck square in the head, and killed it.

He was shocked. In a panic, he hid the dead duck in the woodpile, only to see his sister watching. Diane had seen it all, but she said nothing.

After lunch the next day Grandma said, "Diane, let's wash the dishes." But Diane said, "Grandma, Johnny told me he wanted to help in the kitchen." Then she whispered to him, "Remember the duck?" So Johnny did the dishes.

The following day Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing. But Grandma said, "I'm sorry but I need Diane to help make supper." Diane just smiled and said, "Johnny told me he wanted to help you." She whispered again, "Remember the duck?" So Diane went fishing and Johnny stayed home.

After several days of Johnny doing both his chores and Diane's, he finally couldn't stand it any longer. He came to Grandma and confessed that he had killed the duck.

Grandma knelt down, gave him a hug, and said, "Sweetheart, I know. You see, I was standing at the window and I saw the whole thing. But because I love you, I forgave you. I was just wondering how long you would let Diane make a slave of you."

Thought for the day and everyday thereafter:

Whatever is in your past, whatever you have done that the devil keeps throwing up in your face (lying, debt, fear, hatred, anger, unforgiveness, bitterness, etc.), you need to know that God was standing at the window and He saw the whole thing. He has seen your whole life. He wants you to know that He loves you and that you are forgiven. He's just wondering how long you will let the devil make a slave of you.

I like the theme of the story. I agree sometimes as humans and mere mortals, we make slaves of ourselves over things that haunt us. It is not an easy thing to overcome. Hope you like the story :)

@-;--

Pure Innocence

For people who think that I must be a party animal, I spent my Saturday at home with my favourite comics, tucked under my soft quilt in my newly re-designed room *beams* Told ya people, I am as introvert as you guys think I am extrovert.

I am one that has never been good with kids. Forget what they say about Cancerians having strong maternal instincts. I agree I do have tendency to take care of those I care about but when it comes to kids, I am as good as a bull in a china shop - Lost and clumsy. It was no surprise that my mum used me to threaten my nieces instead of your friendly policemen. "Do this and I will get gor-gor to scold you!"

Age must be catching up with me. Somehow when my new niece was born, I seemed to have develop a softer spot for kids. It must be that one time when she kissed me suddenly. So sweet :) Since then I always had a soft spot for her. Yesterday I looked into those big eyes of hers and realised why people can't help but smile when they look at babies. Those big eyes were so clear and full of innocence and wonder of the world, completely untainted by the dust of growing up.

I must say that though I am not very good with them, I will have kids someday be it my own or adopted. Married friends tell me children are God's gifts and it's hard to see it when you see all the pains of bringing one up. Nonetheless, very few tell me it's not a satisfying process. In a way, I think it's a duty to mankind. Meanwhile, let me try to brush up on maternal instinct. TRY ok? :P

Love or Lust?

One of the common quiz questions in a personality quiz is "Is it love or lust?".

I think we often do not know or can't really tell the difference. Often love goes undercover with lust being the obvious persona taken. It is easy to sense or feel lust but love? A question that sometimes take a long time or never to answer.

In the dictionary love is defined as:

"A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness. " or
"A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance. "

Lust is defined as:

"Intense or unrestrained sexual craving. ""

Intense seems like a common word here. When emotions get intense, clarity goes out the window. Love and lust slide in and out of each other like sliding doors. What one perceives to be love may well be lust and what may have started from lust could well turn out to be love.

The difference I feel, is time.

Lust takes only an instant. Love only shows with time. However, sometimes lust lasts for a long time and you wonder, is it love or just a desire that went on for a long time? Both make you do things out of normal, out of control, out of your conscious plane and both bring about deep, intense emotions.

I have come to realised lust is no longer a male perogative. Gentlemen, women feel lust too and do not be surprised if it's more than men. The only difference is women are better at keeping and hiding it in. This question of love versus lust is no longer just reserved for men. Talk about equality!

I have heard many a woman ask this question : "Do I love him or is it just lust?". Frankly I have no idea on how to discern this but I do know one thing. Every woman has instinct and an inner voice. Listen hard to that voice and one may just find that elusive answer.

@-;--

Memory Lane

I went back to NTU for a visit yesterday and while many things have remained the same, many things have changed as well

Hall 3 is another location now, there are new halls and frankly they look like HDB flats to me. I suddenly realised why Singaporeans don't interact as much when we stay in HDB flats. When I stayed in Hall 2, there was a strong community spirit because everybody could reach everyone easily. With the new halls, there were far too much distance and corners between people. We have exchanged our human interaction for design and questionable comfort. Now the whole place feels kind of cold and lacks that human touch.

I went to Jurong Point as well and had Bubble Tea! First time in many, many years...thanks to my friend who had bubble tea craving for days. In many years I felt young and carefree like many years ago. Most people i know liked their secondary school days most. For me, I like secondary and first year of university the most. How about you?

I like growing up and having freedom. But I also like the carefree feeling when I was in school. Thinking back, I sure had my fun and funny episodes but it was all simple...some happy, same sad...but nothing quite like the next few years that ensued. Perhaps i will look back and think the same as well?

I bought a BIG tub of yogurt today...Strawberry one :D I can't quite find my Milo though...please don't tell me even Milo wants to leave me *sob*

Hyperventilate

Now I am not one who tends to go goo-goo-ga-ga over celebrities...did that 10 years ago and is pretty much over it. I don't get turned on by guys from looking at them physically like how guys can get turned on by women.

Thus I was surprised that I actually felt my breathing go a little faster when I watched this video albeit a nothing-to-shout-about voice and singing from the singer. It MUST be the water, leather, muscle and panting I tell you!

Anyway, here it is the video I saw ... first song only!

On another note... I am glad... I really am.

@-;--

Moving Picture of Love

I was at salsa today when a friend and I were talking about this beautiful couple. This couple was not beautiful because the girl was gorgeous or the guy was handsome. Sure they look good on their own merits but what made them beautiful was how loving they were.

I have known them for about three years for now. They are still as loving today as they were three years ago while many couples in the scene have come and gone. They show up wearing matching outfits and dance with love oozing from their movements. Please do not be mistaken, I am not talking about public display of affection. It's the way they look and dance with each other that shows how much they love each other.

Some people may find it a tad too sweet but when you look at the love that shows between them, you cannot help but sigh and smile at this beautiful moving picture of bliss and love. Both of us agree they look so loving they are like a picture. If you ever need an example where it;s very apparent two people are in love, it would be them as nothing stopped in their way be it race, distance or religion. I think out of 100 couples, you may only find one or two.

My best wishes to you, my dear friends :) For us the mortal folks, there is possibility of such love after all! *laughs*

@-;--

A whiff of Durian

Hmmmmm and I was supposed to have only 2 a week..

The Romeo y Julieta Special Edition 2005 at Con D last night was creamy at first ..had a bite (Ya it bites! *shrieks*)...I even thought I had a whiff of durian which definitely is a first...it turned spicy towards the end...We also thought there was a hint of wood and and citrus in between.

Music was nice as usual :)

I hate it when I like something and I know so little about it...Same goes for wine...I don't need a wealth of knowledge to boast about...I just would like to appreciate the things I like in much greater depth. Would like to have my own humidor...saw nice ones...but let's start with the cutter and also finish BIG objective for the year first. Cohiba 2003 Double Corona awaits for the day it happens :)

Ahhhh I thought of riding again :(

Hilarious *Laughs*

Ok I stole this one from my gal friend's blog...it's hilarious *laughs* I am trying to get the full copy :P

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Topic:
The media wields more power than the law.

Juz the kinda proposition that would get anybody from the legal world all fired up. As would for all from the planet of media I would suppose..

Debaters:
Legal Team:
Chelva Rajah SC, Philip Jeyaretnam SC, Adrian Tan, Jason Chan
Media Team:
Kumar (no intro necessary), Sadasivan(Chairman of Right Angle Group - whatever that is), Joe Augustin(Power 98 DJ), Philip Lee (New Paper journalist)

A hint of what went on that fateful day...

Description of Kumar: 'Kumar sashayed onstage in fetchingly tight jeans, a sexy tank-top, a sleek ponytail, perfectly made-up eyes and a certain je ne sais quoi that proved that it takes more than just the right clothes to make an entrance.

You can imagine it already right? *chuckle*

Philip Lee:
Look at our media side, we are the embodiment of diversity, and diversity always wields power. Over there (gesturing to the law ppl) - homogeneity. A lot of inbreeding. And inbreeding, leads to imbecility... The law is impotent!

Adrian Tan:
He says that the law is impotent, the media is potent, and the face of media is.... Kumar??

*LOL*

Joe Augustine:
As a father of 4 children, I can assure you that impotence is not an issue... The media is very, very powerful. So powerful that laws are in place to control it.

Jason Chan:
How do you know what power is? When you were young and did something wrong, didn't you mother tell you, 'stop running around, or else Police catch, then you go jail'? Since when did your mother ever tell you that if you don't stop, Viswa (Sadasivan) will come and make a 30-min presentation about you on Arts Central?

*Rolling on the floor in laughter*

Jeyaretnam:
The media is just ready to do whatever it's told. *Ouch!!* *chuckle* Sometimes it is a sword to decimate opponents, or it is a shield to protect.. But it is not ever, itself, a source of power. It is wielded but does not wield.

And the ping pong game continues...

Ultimately, after a what I believe must have been a very tough decision, Media won, judges split 2-1. Although Jeyaretnam took home the Best Speaker Prize for his 'display of classy wit and undeniable substance'.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I get the full copy I will paste it here kekeke..I will soon show the evolvement of a dancer soon :P

People. Family Lunch. Old Favourite.

Ok I promised to add new talents to Peter's star resume. Did I mention he is a NLP certified practitioner and a natural born motivational speaker? Oh he can speak German too! Any ladies interested can leave comments here and I will put your thoughts through!

Ok Ah Li and Eric complain I never write about them. So I will write now!

Ah Li. Ah I have known him for a long time...11 years in fact. The only thing we ever agreed on is that we do not agree on anything *laughs* I remember once I made real deep effort to find something he lost and he called me stupid. Ok la I know he didn't really mean it... over the years we have slowly overcome our differences and became good friends. He has on some occasions questioned my decisions as I have questioned his. Nonetheless, I am very glad we are still good friends.

Eric. Head of research ah. He just got a new Husky...ok I admit I was erm surprised when I saw the erm Husky. I had quite a different idea of what a Husky looks like. Ok la, when Prince was put to my face, quite cute *laughs* Our Head of research is a very helpful guy and a very capable trader. (I cannot afford to offend Head of Research leh kekeke). ANYWAY, any girls interested please apply here too!

I got sudden new readers *laughs* As long as you guys enjoy the readings, I will find more stuff to write :)

I had lunch with mum and dad today. I am glad we finally got a chance to sit down for lunch. Most of you probably don't know...If I didn't ask for it, you probably won't find my mum and dad sitting at the same table having a meal together if it wasn't a family gathering.

People have asked me if it hurts me to see that. Frankly I think the whole lot of us have grown old enough to understand. The case of a married couple turn into strangers is sadly common. Sometimes it makes me wonder if getting married is that important anymore. Does a piece of paper guarantee love and commitment forever? Hardly. To me, the act of marriage itself is not as important as the determination and mindset behind it. It is the willingness to take that small big step that is more important than the step itself.

Sometimes I do wish I can wrangle words out of my mouth but I find that more and more difficult as I grew up. Family background maybe? The lessons that were delivered while growing up maybe? Frankly I don't know.

Yesterday I tried a bit of one of my most memorable cigars ever. I had smoked two last year and the second had turned out really memorable to make it my all time favourite. Some time back I got to smoke one again but it was really disappointing. Last night's one turned out much nicer. It reminded me why I liked it so much at first. I must admit I am not very good at appreciating the ends but it was nice even at the end last night. Thank God for a good Astral Grand Reserve '92 last night to keep my memory of this cigar wonderful.

@-;--

Daddy

Today I would like to write about Daddy.

Daddy is one of those people in my life that brings about very mixed feelings whenever I think about him. There are people in my life that I can show care easily but Daddy is one of those people in my life that I love very much but can never bring myself to show it whenever I see him. It's strange that it is sometimes hardest to care about the people you care about the most.

I remember a few years ago, I felt that Dad didn't care very much about us. Ever since his business failure, Dad became more distant. I remember once when I was to receive a prize in school and our family was invited to attend the prize giving ceremony. In a fit of rage one day, he tore up the invitation in my face. It broke my little heart then. I often wondered when will Dad stand up to face the world again.

I was very surprised when I was looking through his wallet one day and saw pictures of us in his wallet. What made me happy and sad was...every picture had me in it. He had one picture of just me...only me.

There were no words and he never said anything but at that point, I kinda knew...he did care.

Ever since then, whenever I got angry and disappointed with him, I will think back on that day. Everytime I do, I will cry. There are times when I felt like talking to him but we will end up fighting. There are times when I feel heartache to see him let life drift away and know my words fall on deaf ears. There are times when I feel guilt for being away. There are times when I wonder if my wish for him will be realised in time.

Ever since I came out to stay on my own, the person that I have been worried about the most is Dad. It is in growing up and moving out that I realised the feeling and importance of family. These few days, I have been getting weird feelings about him. I think it's about time for me to do something.

Of Old, New, Honesty and Lies

I am starting to enjoy my visits to Con D more...today I had Bolivar Bonitas which was light and simple...It started off a bit bitter...maybe a bit of over-lighting? Then it got a bit more sweet and manageable. Suddenly halfway, it became very light...not light per se but felt light to the extent of erm..minty? I hate it when I can't find the words. It didn't get very spicy towards the end so was a easy smoke right to the end. Nothing sensational and I felt a bit dizzy at the end which marred the experience. Had nice live music ranging from spanish songs to jazz....BEAU-TEE-FUL :)

I realise when people go through big change, sometimes we become so afraid of the new that we would rather stick with the familiar that may not be even what we want or what makes us happy. Comfort zone perhaps? I have seen it a few times and today, very clearly in a friend. Babe, I am sure you know and at least he was honest.

Honesty and lies.

I realise too that sometimes we can sense when something is being kept from you...Not all lies are malicious. White lie perhaps..and you can kinda sense it but you just go along and keep quiet about it. After all, if you are not meant to know...maybe it's better to keep it that way until you are...Sometimes that day never comes or takes a long time to. It hurts for sure but sometimes you also know it came from good intentions so you just...smile.

I can hear many songs daily but often one will stick out. The lady sang many of my favourite songs today but it was the last song she sang that caught my heart. I wasn't quite expecting her to sing it. I have not listened to it in a long time..always skipped over it but anyway it's a beautiful song...

Can't Cry Hard Enough - Bellefire

I’m gonna live my life
Like every day’s the last
Without a simple good bye
It all goes by so fast

And now that you’re gone
I can’t cry hard enough
No, I can’t cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

Gonna open my eyes
And see for the first time
I’ve let go of you like
A child letting go of his kite

There it goes, up in the sky
There it goes, beyond the clouds
For no reason why
I can’t cry hard enough
No, I can’t cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

Gonna look back in vain
And see you standing there
When all that remains
Is an empty chair

And now that you’re gone
I can’t cry hard enough
No, I can’t cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

There it goes, up in the sky
There it goes, beyond the clouds
For no reason why
I can’t cry hard enough
No, I can’t cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

And now that you’re gone
I can’t cry hard enough
No, I can’t cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

@-;--