Cynic

Today a friend told me the sweet story of her sister's boyfriend had went to the trouble of making Valentine's Day memorable for her. It ranged from the surprise fancy dinner, the flowers, hotel room with rose petals, bubble bath and all. When was the last time you remember a guy making that much effort? A new relationship or perhaps a young man? Yup you are right.

"How sweet!"

Now that would have been the first thing that cross my mind in the past...but instead..it was...

"Wow the guy is trying really hard to make sure he gets some action that night"

Not exactly very positive thinking is it?

I do not doubt the guy likes her enough. The thing I found interesting was the first thing that crossed my mind was the latter because for a great part of my life, my immediate response would have been the former. I do feel it is sweet but somehow it doesn't move me as it used to.

Cynicism? Indifference? Frankly I have no idea.

I have been very busy recently. Not that I am very surprised. I wanted to be busy and expected to be busy. People ask me why and how I live this. Well the truth is, it is tiring. I can sleep nearly anytime, anyplace. I have reasons to hold on to this life a bit longer but frankly I don't have much complaints except I do need to manage time better to find time for myself and the people I love. I prefer to be busy and I wanted it. In a way, it keeps me sane in insanity.

@-;--