Hanging By A Line

I missed most of the final match! I missed how Italy and France came to a 1-1 standstill that stretched into overtime...oh gosh...but at least I caught overtime and currently, penalty shootout.

It is certainly interesting to see how serious and tense it is for the players in the shootout, particularly the goalkeepers. One can almost see the look that says "This is my moment in history, my entire career rests on this". Isn't it interesting to see how a game for a ball can turn into such an important moment that brings out such sense of significance in grown men?

Oh well Italy wins..personally I was going more for France though I had kinda expected Italy to win. It was a perfect moment to see the height of ecstasy versus the height of disappointment.

After a conversation with a friend today, I became convinced that one will only hear and believe the things they want to. This friend had spoken to some people involved in my life and had come to me to ask for my opinion and side of the story. She asked me questions and possible opinions that these people had and how I looked at it. She began to understand why I did certain things when I took the time to explain.

I do not disagree with some of them. I agree and understand why but I also realised that sometimes you simply cannot enforce personal values on people be it someone trying to win you over to their side or you making them see your point.

I admit, I am not an easy person to understand if you don't really try to. To this, I am trying to reduce the complexity but I am slow in these things because much of my change lasts a long time. I only change for the things I am able to accept. This is something which I think some people in my life need to understand.

I do not believe in bending with the wind. I believe one should hold strongly to their beliefs and preferences unless they come with a strong argument to change. At times, I am willing to try things that are so fundamentally different because I want to try and give myself the chance to make an informed decision. In order to understand this, one will need to understand this: I do not operate by fear of death. I operate by the desire to leave no room for the possibility that I never lived.

This was in a way, a gift from the last relationship reinforced by a recent health scare that set me thinking a little harder about the cliché'question: What would you do if you had one day to live?

"Living" has many definitions. Some people think to smoke, drink and be merry is happiness. I do not disagree. However, in my books, it's only a small part of living. Living to me, was to experience the many things that life has to offer and serve humanity. I had tried new things on my recent trip and am glad I did. This trip, amongst other trips and things, reinforced my desire to try all kinds of things. If you really understand this, you will understand many of the decisions I have made.

Maybe it's a bad habit. I have grown to dislike explaining or should I say to people who cannot be bothered to listen. If you do not look beyond your intitial judgements, you will never see it. Well sorry for being complex, I am working on it. This includes people who may be very close to me. Maybe I am slow but to the people who have bothered to listen, they have almost always gone "Ohhhh..so that's why" and in a particular situation, almost always "So sayang" or "What a waste" or "What was the problem?".

Well, looking at it from another way, if it was something so great that could turn so bad over something so small, it was simply not meant to be at that time, sad as it may be. Everything has its time and place and sometimes you just have to accept bad timing.

I was offered a Matrix situation: Blue pill or red pill?. In other words, it was a significant decision to take. I have not decided. Fear? Perhaps. Maybe someday I will decide. A different coloured pill perhaps? After all, life is full of choices isn't it?