雨思

雨，
是上天为我所下的泪水。
雷雨，
是它为我无声的呐喊而哭泣。
大雨，
是把心中无终的伤口流净，
让
哭不出
叹不尽
恨不了的爱与哀洗净，
等待雨后的晴天碧云。

Eve Notebook - AIAE

The 21st Asian International Art Exhibition 2006
"21 hosted by Singapore features more than 178 paintings, sculptures, digital and video works by important Asian artists from the region. The title of the exhibition reflects not only the number of successful presentations but also the theme – 21st century – to highlight the artistic responses to today’s global environment"

- Off the site of Singapore Art Museum

Too bad they didn't have brochures for this exhibition and Eve didn't want to steal picures...respect artists!

According to the history of the exhibition, AIAE had started out as a joint effort between several Asian artists which turned into such a hit that it was properly structured with a proper organisation to plan the exhibition which is held in a different country every year.

The works were arranged by country and it was no surprise to see that the works had differed in style across the different countries along with different themes. For instance, the Indonesian works had the tsunami theme popping up in some of the works.

Various forms of media were used such as acrylic, oils, metals, wool and even dried leaves. Eve loves unusual experimentation. There was one piece of work from an Indonesian artist that was a collage made from wool with dried leaves embroidered into the work. Another had a shovel pasted onto the work..no joke! It was a real shovel!

Eve loves to see old media used in different ways. Gone are the days where one can only associate ink and rice paper with traditional chinese painting. There were a number of bold works created using ink and rice paper that looked nothing like classic Chinese painting. Do not be mistaken, there's beauty in Chinese painting but it was refreshing to see that the artists had decided to do in a completely different manner with fantastic results.

AIAE can be viewed at:

1)Singapore Art Museum

Main Venue

20 July – 13 August 2006

2)Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts

80 Bencoolen Street

3)epSITE, Espon Imaging Gallery

501 Orchard Road #03-18/19 Wheelock Place

20 July – 20 August 2006

Eve has only been to SAM and will work on having a look at the other two venues!

Dream Life

Last night I was watching a Korean movie titled "Daisy". It was the story of how a killer and an interpol fell in love with the same woman, a sidewalk artist.

Favourite Korean actor aside, what really caught my heart was the lifestyle of the sidewalk artist.

Running an antique shop by day, sketching for living on the side on the streets of Amsterdam and painting and organising her own exhibition by night...what a life!

As I was watching her, unknowingly, I muttered "This will always be a regret in my life that I may never get to live this life."

When I said that, I stopped myself.

Well, nothing to feel majorly upset about...I could understand why my family did not want me to pursue the arts. I don't hate the eventual path I chose but it does make you wonder what if you had done something, how different life would have been? Of course, the movie doesn't show how the girl will survive with such irregular income and the other harsh realities of everyday living. Hey after all, IT IS a Korean movie.

It made me see how you can be swept by the things you see and hear and think a life you choose is the life you really want until one day the life you always dreamed of tugs at you but is no longer within your easy reach. I am glad I found the concept of financial freedom and the life that comes with it. But lately, the happiness I found in trying different things really made me wonder. Is the life I thought I wanted these few years really the life I want?

A little side topic on the area of revisiting...there are times one knows one has to leave the current situation and the people in it so as to let the storm blow past and allow all the negative emotions to go away. I recently had the feeling to meet the people in my past and make peace of which I have done so and will continue to do so. Some, welll...may have to wait for a long time or perhaps never.

Sticking with my current motto to do the things one wants to do, it's little surprise if I take one year off and lead the life just as she had led. Not impossible actually if I build enough passive income. Then, I will go be live this little dream somewhere down the road. Wish me luck :)

Angel

I always liked to sing this song and I think it is a really suitable song now..

Angel
Sarah Mclachlan

Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there

So tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckageof your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here

Take A Bow

So the week has ended and I give my most sincere thanks to the people who have absolutely indulged me in a week of celebration. Frankly, I did think of slowing my pace over the week but only take off on the day itself but somehow it turned out to be an entire week of celebration. Thank you people, you have absolutely indulged me. As one can see from my previous entries, I have eaten waaayyyyy too much.

This year was a lot less buzz than last year. The days were characterized by many meals and chats. It was great catching up with the different groups of people in my life and sharing a meal along with what has happened in our lives. I laughed a lot over the week :)

This year, there were a few different things. I had only to worry about an expanding waistline (my poor friends who have lost a part of their wallets doing so... but I think I will be very broke especially in October)...there were great gifts, meals and experiences...no painful morning after or tears..(I did get wasted once and frankly do not want to remember how silly I acted).

Perhaps the incident to mark the fatefulness of this day in my life more than ever before will be the one where my dear friend met someone she had not seen in a year. The last time she saw this person was at my birthday as well. I can't quite describe how fateful this event is but we both know. It's really uncanny how life works.

During one of the dinners, I asked my friends what can they see me doing. They gave me answers that I knew only people who had known me for a really long time and knew me very closely, could tell me. It's so rare nowadays that it was refreshing to hear.

"What can you see me doing?"

"Hmmm...I think writing or art..you always had this artistic side in everything you did...hmm ya I can see you as a painter."

Another said "I can see you very successful in the fashion business."

I think it's kinda different from what many people who knew me much later and probably remember me as the business oriented sales gal. Frankly, even I myself forgot this part of myself for a long time and allowed it to drown along with life. Now they claim they want to see me with my tyrant of a niece so they can see a side they never seen before - clumsy me with kids *laughs*.

This year, I am happy for a few things. I am happy for getting in touch with many things I have put aside. I start to feel a little like I am living again.

I am happy I started painting and writing more. I am happy I took up Muay Thai which had always been a curiousity..it's been rewarding. I am happy I am resuming my bike lessons..I was totally inspired by a ride I got yesterday. I am happy I enjoy exploring my food and wine so much more..this I have to give thanks to some friends who are so particular about their food. I think what would top the year would be starting another language and taking up photography. That would put me a step closer to the travelling dream.

Most of all, I am happy for friends who have shown so much care. I feel like a baby...maybe I am like one to them :P

Thank you people and Thank you God.. *bow*

Eve Notebook - Ember, 1929

Any restaurant who does well enough to tell you they only have a specific time slot for you to eat because they have so many bookings must be doing very well. Ember at boutique hotel 1929 was one such restaurant and boy, did they keep track of the 1 1/2 hour slot we had.

Rumour has it that the owner of 1929, located at Keong Saik Road, was an avid chair collector. Thus, it was no surprise that the cosy lobby of the hotel was decorated with different types of chairs including a dentist's chair. Mirrors take the place of paint and thus make the place look much bigger than it really is. The concept is modern with a touch of boudoir from the chandeliers. Sexy.

Contrary to popular belief that hotel restaurants are boring, there is a growing number of such restaurants that seek to be personal and adventurous. Ember was an example. With barely fifteen tables, Ember was cosy to the point of being small. Again, mirrors were used to best advantage here.

Bookings are greatly recommended. We had to be on the waiting list in order to get a table. Trust my anticipation when I was told my friend's previous meal there was good from start to end.

People at Ember must be proud of their bread. It comes warm as if fresh out of the oven and one can smell the grains used in the bread. Absolutely heavenly!

If there was one word I could use to describe the food, it would be "confused", not in a bad way but a very surprising and amusing way. It's a real East-meets-West dinner.

Starters of the evening included tuna and angel hair pasta. My angel hair pasta tasted like good old mee kia with shrimp and chilli flakes. Example of confused food 1: mee kia who thinks it's ang moh noodle. Highlight would be the mushroom salad my friend had. While the mushrooms looked very ordinary with rocket salad and shaved cheese, the taste was a refreshing start to a meal. According to the waiter, ordinary balsamic vinagrette was used. Yet the result was light with a hint of citrus finish. Delightful surprise!

One of the most interesting items of the night will be the salad. I call this confused food 2: the leaves who's actually kailan in oyster sauce under disguise. The salad reminded one of the fried kailan one would have at a Chinese restaurant yet it looked every part a western salad. Yet, it tasted good enough for us to all dig into it.

Main courses were strangely subdued. Though my friend claimed her previous experience with the main courses was better, I still managed to find confused food 3: the chinese duck who thinks it's an ang moh duck. My friend's duck tasted absolutely like chinese food yet the accompanying sauce was as western as it could be.

It's the desserts that rendered the ladies weak in the knees. The warm chocolate cake was dark and tasted of dark bitter chocolate. With a tour of the cake in vanilla ice cream, it was yuummmmy. The apple tart had generous slices of caramelized apple with crispy thin pastry surrounding it. The moment I placed the juicy apple slice in my mouth, the word that came out was "MMMMMM". I think that's quite enough said.

Service was attentive even for a small place. The lady who saw I had not finished my main course kindly asked if the food was to taste. The only drawback was how they had to whisk us off to the lobby in order to prepare for the diners that were supposed to be there.

Folks looking for a long romantic dinner may wish to look elsewhere. Ember is a tad pricey but it would be perfect for an evening with the girls for a yummy dinner. Don't forget desserts.

Eve Notebook - Curry Favor

My friends have discovered my new zealousness in taking pictures of my food. Can't help it, the notebook is starving for pictures :P

I have never been good at spicy food so it comes as little surprise that I started liking Japanese curry. To all spice fans out, yes I am an absolute whim in this department. I was absolutely curious about trying a well known Japanese curry joint, Curry Favor.

Anyone who's looking for a traditional looking Japanese restaurant would be pleasantly disappointed. Curry Favor is decorated with deeps hues of purple which lends a quiet, relaxing atmosphere to the otherwise traditional European looking exterior. Handdrawn pictures adorn the walls, creating a casual yet artistic look. Soft jazz playing in the background completes this place as an oasis in busy town area.

We got there for lunch late so that might explain the quiet state of the restaurant. However, I hear it can be packed to the brim for dinner.

In terms of menu selection, what can one expect from a curry restaurant? Curry and more curry of course. What makes this place wonderful is they have many types of curry dishes such as tofu curry, beef stewed curry as opposed to the standard chicken, tempura stuff you find elsewhere.

I had the limited edition Seafood curry. No it's not some special curry sauce hidden in some obscure cupboard. It's considered a chef special as only limited quantities are made everyday. What we found amusing was when they wrote "prawns and scallops included", they really meant what they said as there was only prawn and scallop in the curry.

The rice was yummy. I always loved Japanese rice because it's so soft and chewy. The curry itself was slightly more watery compared to the thick curry my friends had but it was still thick enough for pleasure. In terms of taste, the curry was nice though it lacked excitement. The prawns and scallop were firm yet lacked a certain X factor.

Curry Favor is jointly opened with a western cafe, Moon river Cafe. Noteworthy was the ice blended mango that was thick and smooth.

Prices were higher than average for curry but it would make a comfortable place for casual lunch with friends in busy town area.

Happiness

How would one define happiness? What does being happy mean to oneself?

Some say buying their dream home, some say owning their dream car, some say dream man/woman and the list goes on and on. After all, greed and discontentment is one of the inherent weaknesses of a human being.

I remember writing about the topic of happiness sometime back where we all attach something to happiness. We can only be happy if we have x, own y or have x and y. Can happiness really be summarised into an equation where if you have all the elements, the end potion will be happiness? Can happiness be bottled? I am not talking about stimulants!

I remember reading somewhere that as humans we put too much attachment to happiness such that we actually need to fulfil conditions before happiness comes upon us. Thus, to me, true happiness is happiness that exists in pure form- no conditions, no tag and no equations. Happiness is just what it is. You simply feel happy even with nothing. However, this state of happiness is so nirvana and unattainable, it's almost impossible to find. Almost.

I had a small dose of happiness this morning which came with its own attachment - my first foray into painting again. It's truly satisfying when you get your sketches the way you want it, find a suitable blend of colours and produce the effect you want. I soon found myself humming to the music I was listening to. For those few hours, it just felt like time and space stopped. With no examinations hanging over my head, painting has truly become a happy and relaxing experience.

On a totally irrelevant note, are there times when you feel like you are a totally different person around different people?

Eve Notebook - IlLido

I had one of my most relaxing Sundays in a while yesterday. After spending an entire day swimming, floating, baking in mud and indulging in girly gossip, my gals and me were totally ready for a good dinner.

We decided to try out the new swanky restaurant, IlLido, at Sentosa Golf Club.

IlLido is based on a Italian restaurant, lounge and bar concept. Any restaurant which uses phillipe starck chairs would definitely be considered extravagant. The overall design of the place employed a modern, clean concept with a variation of bright colours contrasted against dark walls, creating a modern, sexy feel.

We had antipasti ranging from aged parma ham, scallops, calamari and soup. The seafood soup was a surprise winner and a favourite amongst the ladies. We had a variation of pastas for main courses along with grilled sea bass. The linguine with lobster in tomato sauce was yummy while my rucola papardelle looked just like a plate of leaves. Dessert was warm chocolate cake, tiramisu, and vanilla creme brulee. The desserts pale by comparison as the chocolate cake could have been more warm and the tiramisu could have been richer. Wine of the day was a 2004 St Hallet Riesling. An extremely light wine that complimented our food quite well without overpowering the tastes of the food.

Overall, food was average but bonus points go to the ambience. We had chose a table outside facing the sea and if one is early enough, one would be able to catch the sunset. The music however, was often erratic and did no justice to the ambience of the place. What was truly relaxing was the occasional sea breeze which gives one the feeling that he or she is not in Singapore but some exotic beach resort.

Overall, a swanky restaurant with a great view and a hefty price tag. Throw in good company (I had good company) and it would be a pretty great experience.

Mr & Mrs Smith

I love this movie. I could watch it over and over and laugh over it so trust my happiness when I got the unrated version of the movie.

My favourite parts of the movie:

The part they absolutely wreck the house, smash everything they've built up and ever known to climax (no pun intended) into fabulous hungry erm procreation? Gives new definition to the morning after.

I have asked a couple of women and they all claim they would like the end result without the smashing bit, too expensive perhaps? I even read about a woman who was so inspired by this scene her boyfriend and her tried to re-create the scene. Well he tore her designer dress, she burst into tears and the rest is well, history. Operation: Failed. The guy ended up sewing her dress for the next few days.

The other part I always found funny was the part where they were escaping from the enemies and Brad Pitt hummed along to "Making Love Out of Nothing At All." Absolutely classic.

On a more serious note, this conversation:

"At least apart, we know what the odds are. Let's just call this what it is and what it isn't."

"All right. So it's a crap marriage. All right, I''m a mess and you're a disaster.We're both liars. But you run, you'll always be running. I say we stay and fight. We finish this thing. Then, if you wanna go, you can go. Oh, thank you. What? "Let's call this what it is"? Jesus Christ."

I thought this was a pretty meaningful conversation. Love the part about if you run, you'll always be running. That's something a lot of us do isn't it?

Experimental

People have different definitions of being "experimental". Some link it to work, some to food, some to love and even sex.

I recently or perhaps not so recently discovered a greater desire to be more experimental in everything.

For example, many friends would know that I have not taken meat for a long time. In my last trip to Bali, I took all kinds of meat. In an age where everyone is getting their driver's license, I am taking my bike license. Instead of staying in the comfort of home, I went to take classes that resulted in broken toenails and bruises on my knees. The list of things I have done for myself have grown and will continue to grow.

Why? Some may ask.

The reasons are many. Some was inspired by another, some was to fulfil a longtime desire and more importantly, it was the discovery of wanting to try all kinds of different things to experience the many facets of life.

Well bruises aside, I like this feeling of doing the things you always thought of trying but just never got round to. The sense of embarkment and excitement of execution is natural adrenaline. I wanted to experience my travels more, taste, see, touch and feel more than ever.

I enjoy my food more now.I pay more attention to the way it's prepared. I pay more attention to my wines and cigars and learnt more in the process. I could say more of "ah so this is what it's like" than I did in the past.

Isn't life interesting? I love it.

Eve Notebook - Kiss in Paris

Le Baiser de l'Hotel de Ville, Paris, 1950

A Límparfait De Lóbjectif
by Robert Doisneau
6- 29 June 2006
Alliance Francaise

I had first found this photo by chance at a gallery in JB while looking for photos to stick onto my bare walls. I loved it immediately for the sense of romanticism portrayed in a busy city. It was only a few weeks ago that I learnt this was a famous photograph taken by one of France's well loved photographers, Robert Doisneau (1912-1994). He was well known for taking pictures of normal people doing everyday tasks in the city, streets and sidewalks.

I had to go see the original composition when it came to be exhibited at the Alliance Francaise. I love his work for the warmth and simplicity of everyday life captured in his pictures that are taken with a warm black/white/sepia tone with a dosage of humour and humanity. It feels like his pictures are talking to you and you just can't help but smile. There was little glamour or posed beauty. Everything was simple but absolutely heartwarming to look at.

Go have a look if you can still catch it

Eve Notebook - Early Works

I found the few paintings that I actually kept from long ago. My still life painting was and is still terrible *laughs*

All have been painted using acrylics on textured paper...canvas paper I think..can't remember..

Eve Notebook - Italian!

I always thought I would be more Parisian but looks like I am Italian through and through!

Your Inner European is Italian!

Passionate and colorful. You show the world what culture really is.

Who's Your Inner European?

You Belong in Milan

Stylish and sophisticated, you want to enjoy a truly European life - away from tourists! Milan fits you perfectly. Great shopping, high quality food, lots of culture... with very little hype.

What European City Do You Belong In?

Eve Notebook Comes Home

To make things easier, I decided to shift The Eve Notebook here as well so I only need to update one place. Only difference is I will make special notes on the entry names to show there are meant to be in the Notebook collection :)

The First Step

I always loved travelling. I just don't do enough of it. Having a travel journal where I can record pictures, experiences and thoughts of my travels have always been a little dream. Well, this is the first step to realising that dream. Besides travel writing, The Eve Notebook, was created for the loves in my life that I had neglected for a long time. That would be art, music, writing, dance and you get the idea. Yes, all in all, this was created to fulfill the desire of making my little dreams a reality. This is the first step. May there be many more progressive ones to come.

A picture to mark the first step! My leap of faith by sitting out on the great wall at Simatai. I assure you any slip up and I will make good minced meat.

26 Candles

Nope it’s not time yet but the festivities have already started. I have puked the third time of my life…kinda guessed I won’t b able to escape it. I had hoped to write this nearer to the day itself but well like I say, the festivities have started. This must be my longest post in a while.

Ok it’s an annual post after all so I shall be a little more somber. *reader must be thinking “even more than usual????”. Too bad, my royal pre indulgence once a year…maybe there will be a post one. Go read the notebook instead for light things. I will be writing about my last trip soon!

It is during this time I feel the height of love from those who care. I truly appreciate how friends would take time out to celebrate and spend time with me…how they would go out of their way to make me happy…how they would put up with my willful requests...it’s very touching when I think about it.

Let’s talk about birthdays.

Birthdays are days that people look forward to but for me, it’s become a day to receive and yet run away from…an anniversary of sorts. It’s become a period of very extreme mixed feelings for me.

I think ever since my last birthday, it’s become more than ever, a time to reflect how I have progressed from year to year and to remember the important lesson of being truly who I am…to appreciate life for the lessons I receive and yet decide on the path I believe to be me and no one else.

I thank life and a particular friend for giving me a birthday last year that I probably will never forget this lifetime. I thank him for making me understand another side of life and people and how I came to see the importance of making decisions with open eyes and to see all kinds of things to reach an informed decision in the end.

The price of this lesson was the weight that would come along with this day every year.

I believe this weight will decrease over the years. I think some people will think I really liked my birthday last year. The truth is, I appreciate the exposure I received but there are things that make this day a very heavy day for me to remember and receive. If there was an event to mark the climax of the happiness and heartache of last year, that will be it. I love birthdays but a part of me hated this day ever since.

In the past, I would have planned to go crazy during this time. Now, I would simply love simplicity and quiet during this time…to spend time with family and close ones in very simple activities. As the day came nearer, more and more I wanted to experience peace and quiet. I think as we grow older, this feeling grows. You start to really appreciate the people who really matter and the simple things that make you happy.

I had planned to leave the country for this period of time but alas it was not to be done. Thus, I have planned very simple things for myself…simple things that I enjoy.

Above all people, I wanted to spend it with my parents…my mother whom I had spent many years defying and perhaps more importantly my father, of whom I love and care deeply about but would never find the words to express to him so. A couple of friends know that my father, though well and alive, will always be a point of heartache to me. I have friends who lost their fathers and I guess I really should think harder treasuring my father who is still alive.

That brings me to people in your life. There are some people in life that you may care so deeply about and yet have so much difficulty showing it. My father is one such person. You can feel his care and yet he shows it in such a way that makes it hard for you to reciprocate nicely. I think we have fought too much to untangle the knots that have resulted. A lot of things are thus left unspoken. I guess we found a certain balance in the silence. Maybe I am just like him in this sense… we have too much pride.

There are times I would just like to sit down beside him and do nothing but simply be in an atmosphere that I would feel that we do not need to put up a wall between each other. I just want to experience peace between two people that is perhaps hard to find in everyday life.

In my ridiculous state last night, I had a few minutes of extreme sobriety that I experienced this feeling but it was not to be done as well. This was my only most true self moment of the night. I know because I was very clear at that moment. I could still be conscious enough to joke the whole night but this was the time I knew what I truly wanted. More than love, all I wanted was just peace and quiet with no pretense or defense. I wonder how many people understand how precious peace and silence can be. I don’t think we ever got round to that and I don’t think the opportunity will come again where we will both be completely defenseless thus this wish may never be fulfilled.

Let’s talk about love.

I think I vaguely remember someone asking me “Do I __fill in the blanks___?” Inspired by a song I heard last night, my answer is I gave it to the wind so that it will take everything away…slowly but surely. It’s not mine to have anymore and neither does it deserve me anymore unless it mends. I care but I do not wish to bear the weight of it on anyone including myself. In God I trust that when He granted my wish for the capacity to love, He would find me the right people for me to. I can feel it in my bones you may call it. Whatever life brings, it will be. I took a long time to get here. Don’t ask me why it took this long because I have no answer. I have found consolation in my renewed desire to take care of myself and that’s all I would like to think about.

However, I learnt there are many things that one can mistake for love but it’s far from it. Sometimes it’s compassion, sometimes it’s attachment and sometimes it’s just plain confusion. I think it is in the greatest depths we know what’s real and what’s not.

Someone said I was a closet ______. I actually hate people to touch me unless they are people I am very close to or comfortable with letting them touch me. There are even close friends that I would prefer them not to touch me. How do you possibly categorize someone like that as a closet ________?

Talk about wishes. I was asked what my birthday wish was. It’s really cliché stuff…the usual more money, better love, better health and greater happiness etc. It was stuff I wish for everyday anyway so it really makes little difference.

I still have 4 years before I reach my first milestone of 30 and may I realize some of my dreams by then and no they do not have anything to do with finding a man. Going forward, some of the questions that have been bugging me have found their answers and I shall come to a decision soon. The picture ahead is showing itself slowly and it will be a beautiful one.

Talk about beautiful pictures…My current song of the moment…I used to hate it but the other day I heard this song and suddenly I saw visions of my wedding… am far from wanting to get married but it was beautiful indeed not to mention expensive to execute *laughs*. How do you know it’s a vision? I didn’t see the groom’s face so no need to expect any invitations from me for now. Maybe it’s a good sign of things to come? *laughs*


Kissing You
Des’ree

I can stand a thousand trials
The strong will never fall
But watching stars without you
My soul cries

Heaving heart is full of pain
Oh, oh the aching

‘Cos I’m kissing you
I’m kissing you oh

Touch me dear
Pure and true
Give to me forever

‘Cos I’m kissing you
I’m kissing you oh

Hanging By A Line

I missed most of the final match! I missed how Italy and France came to a 1-1 standstill that stretched into overtime...oh gosh...but at least I caught overtime and currently, penalty shootout.

It is certainly interesting to see how serious and tense it is for the players in the shootout, particularly the goalkeepers. One can almost see the look that says "This is my moment in history, my entire career rests on this". Isn't it interesting to see how a game for a ball can turn into such an important moment that brings out such sense of significance in grown men?

Oh well Italy wins..personally I was going more for France though I had kinda expected Italy to win. It was a perfect moment to see the height of ecstasy versus the height of disappointment.

After a conversation with a friend today, I became convinced that one will only hear and believe the things they want to. This friend had spoken to some people involved in my life and had come to me to ask for my opinion and side of the story. She asked me questions and possible opinions that these people had and how I looked at it. She began to understand why I did certain things when I took the time to explain.

I do not disagree with some of them. I agree and understand why but I also realised that sometimes you simply cannot enforce personal values on people be it someone trying to win you over to their side or you making them see your point.

I admit, I am not an easy person to understand if you don't really try to. To this, I am trying to reduce the complexity but I am slow in these things because much of my change lasts a long time. I only change for the things I am able to accept. This is something which I think some people in my life need to understand.

I do not believe in bending with the wind. I believe one should hold strongly to their beliefs and preferences unless they come with a strong argument to change. At times, I am willing to try things that are so fundamentally different because I want to try and give myself the chance to make an informed decision. In order to understand this, one will need to understand this: I do not operate by fear of death. I operate by the desire to leave no room for the possibility that I never lived.

This was in a way, a gift from the last relationship reinforced by a recent health scare that set me thinking a little harder about the cliché'question: What would you do if you had one day to live?

"Living" has many definitions. Some people think to smoke, drink and be merry is happiness. I do not disagree. However, in my books, it's only a small part of living. Living to me, was to experience the many things that life has to offer and serve humanity. I had tried new things on my recent trip and am glad I did. This trip, amongst other trips and things, reinforced my desire to try all kinds of things. If you really understand this, you will understand many of the decisions I have made.

Maybe it's a bad habit. I have grown to dislike explaining or should I say to people who cannot be bothered to listen. If you do not look beyond your intitial judgements, you will never see it. Well sorry for being complex, I am working on it. This includes people who may be very close to me. Maybe I am slow but to the people who have bothered to listen, they have almost always gone "Ohhhh..so that's why" and in a particular situation, almost always "So sayang" or "What a waste" or "What was the problem?".

Well, looking at it from another way, if it was something so great that could turn so bad over something so small, it was simply not meant to be at that time, sad as it may be. Everything has its time and place and sometimes you just have to accept bad timing.

I was offered a Matrix situation: Blue pill or red pill?. In other words, it was a significant decision to take. I have not decided. Fear? Perhaps. Maybe someday I will decide. A different coloured pill perhaps? After all, life is full of choices isn't it?

Enlightened Millionaire

Before I say meaningful things...Brandon Routh aka Superman is so gorgeous isn't he? Such nice deep eyes. Truth be told, nothing to do with racism and all, but I am just not attracted to Caucasian men. There's nothing wrong with them, they're just not my type. But Brandon Routh is so gorgeous..I think it's the eyes!

The other day I had a conversation with a friend. We were talking about having so much money we can help friends in need or the needy in society without blinking. I remember Robert Allen saying one should build wealth upon the betterment of others' lives.

My friend (always a source of inspiration for my writing) shared a story with me about Gates foundation. As you know, Warren Buffet donated a staggered US$60 billion to the Gates Foundation. One may think that of all people, why donate the money to possibly the richest man on Earth?? Well a lot of people seem to notice so much of the bad press about Microsoft that they forget Gates Foundation is also one of the most generous charity foundations around.

There was a particular school in the U.S. that was funded by the Gates Foundation. There were no textbooks or exams. Everything was pc and web based and grades were given based on projects. The school produced many Ivy League graduates with great sense of creativity.

I thought it was a smart move. From a business angle, the company trains possible talent for the company in future (intellectual resource is so valuable these days). Resources used are the company's core competencies (pc, web and of course office) thus costs are minimised. This move has achieved good business objectives while contributing to society.

Perhaps this is what Robert meant by enlightened millionairedom. It kinda gave me a greater understanding of the kind of business I would like to have one day and perhaps more importantly, the kind of person I would like to be. I guess life always finds a way to give you an answer just when you need it at a time when you least expect it.

Cheers to living, realising your dreams and that of many others along the way!