Today I saw something on an old poster that brought back a very old and sweet memory. I saw a symbol that I had seen over a decade ago that my first guy had drawn for me. It was like a secret code between us. Its a square with a cross in the centre and a "V" over it. It means "I Love You". Sweet huh?
I always hear teenagers declaring their oaths of eternal love over radio dedications. Like I tell my friends, even 16 year olds have their idea of "forever". When we were in our teens, it was so simple to like someone and be together. Even my buddy agrees...You like me, I like you, we go "steady". Now it's "I don't know where it'll lead..is he or she for real? what if this? what if that?" We have grown up along with our walls. In exchange for adulthood and adult freedom of financial independence, we have given up our freedom in other ways. The world is fair...something comes...something goes.
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Do You Know Me?
Some of you may have known me for years and may have known me in a particular manner especially the last few years. I am often remembered as the "girl who's a dancer". Frankly I think there are far more talented dancers out there. I wonder why this is often the thing associated with me.
Well do you know the other sides of me?
Do you know...
I like installation art and abstract art over still life?
I like black and white artistic photography?
I love to listen to classical music when I used to paint?
I wanted to be a designer when I was young?
I was trained in acrylic painting as well as design?
I want to learn bike and muay thai as much as I want to learn how to cook and do the tango?
I used to be a hardcore perfectionist?
I enoy staying home to watch dvds and chill out more than going out to meet people?
I am actually introverted by nature and extroverted by creation and necessity?
I would enjoy staying home to a home-cooked meal and doing simple things with a loved one more than an expensive date?
I enjoy cheap teh and teochew porridge as much as I appreciate the finer points of wine and cigars?
I like to read girly manga as much as I like to read books about business and self improvement?
I like to watch anime and feel-good movies as much as I like deep provoking works?
I like peace and serenity often more than noise and buzz?
Money, business and dance is not what my life is just about?
I believe everyone has a side that many people do not know. We often live by the perceptions that we see and there is nothing wrong with that. I simply love to discover things about people that are often not known. Call that my natural sense of curiousity. Sometimes I think I get too caught up with living that I forget to do the little things that satisfy this nature...like read, watch discovery channel *laughs*.
Remember that entry I wrote sometime back about a person's true essense? The other day I had a simple conversation. Ahhh you may not understand what can be so special about a conversation. It was a conversation that I had not had in a long time. It didn't matter that the subject matters were so plain. What was comforting was the conversation actually occurred and for a brief period of time, I experienced a little bit of the other party's true essence...something I had not seen in a long time. That brought a little humane warmth...not love or care... but warmth :)
Well do you know the other sides of me?
Do you know...
I like installation art and abstract art over still life?
I like black and white artistic photography?
I love to listen to classical music when I used to paint?
I wanted to be a designer when I was young?
I was trained in acrylic painting as well as design?
I want to learn bike and muay thai as much as I want to learn how to cook and do the tango?
I used to be a hardcore perfectionist?
I enoy staying home to watch dvds and chill out more than going out to meet people?
I am actually introverted by nature and extroverted by creation and necessity?
I would enjoy staying home to a home-cooked meal and doing simple things with a loved one more than an expensive date?
I enjoy cheap teh and teochew porridge as much as I appreciate the finer points of wine and cigars?
I like to read girly manga as much as I like to read books about business and self improvement?
I like to watch anime and feel-good movies as much as I like deep provoking works?
I like peace and serenity often more than noise and buzz?
Money, business and dance is not what my life is just about?
I believe everyone has a side that many people do not know. We often live by the perceptions that we see and there is nothing wrong with that. I simply love to discover things about people that are often not known. Call that my natural sense of curiousity. Sometimes I think I get too caught up with living that I forget to do the little things that satisfy this nature...like read, watch discovery channel *laughs*.
Remember that entry I wrote sometime back about a person's true essense? The other day I had a simple conversation. Ahhh you may not understand what can be so special about a conversation. It was a conversation that I had not had in a long time. It didn't matter that the subject matters were so plain. What was comforting was the conversation actually occurred and for a brief period of time, I experienced a little bit of the other party's true essence...something I had not seen in a long time. That brought a little humane warmth...not love or care... but warmth :)
Friday, April 28, 2006
The Camera
"God gave us all a camera
The best that even money can't buy
To capture visions of everlasting beauty
For that moment of eternity
And that camera is you."
Today there was thunder, lightning and a storm. One of the nice things about staying in a high rise place is I can see lightning very clearly from my window. After the rain, I saw the sky in a perfect blend of colours from blue to orange to yellow, in varying hues of brillance.
It suddenly reminded me of the night I saw a picture that I had failed to capture using my feeble camera. It was a clear night and I saw the most number of stars in my life in the night sky. It was so breathtakingly beautiful I had to try to take a picture of it. It never came out right of course but that picture was etched in my mind.
As I watched the sky which still had lightning on one side and the sunset on the other, I realised that God gave us the best camera in the world. With our eyes as the lens and our mind as the film, it is the only camera in the world that can capture the full beauty of creation and the emotions involved in every event to finally produce a picture called memory.
Every picture is always stored in memory but as humans we sometimes forget where we store it. We often choose to remember the things we want to remember and forget those we dislike, even if it was a picture that had already been taken and carved into reality. Silly aren't we?
Say hello to the most wonderful painter and camera in the world...you :)
The best that even money can't buy
To capture visions of everlasting beauty
For that moment of eternity
And that camera is you."
Today there was thunder, lightning and a storm. One of the nice things about staying in a high rise place is I can see lightning very clearly from my window. After the rain, I saw the sky in a perfect blend of colours from blue to orange to yellow, in varying hues of brillance.
It suddenly reminded me of the night I saw a picture that I had failed to capture using my feeble camera. It was a clear night and I saw the most number of stars in my life in the night sky. It was so breathtakingly beautiful I had to try to take a picture of it. It never came out right of course but that picture was etched in my mind.
As I watched the sky which still had lightning on one side and the sunset on the other, I realised that God gave us the best camera in the world. With our eyes as the lens and our mind as the film, it is the only camera in the world that can capture the full beauty of creation and the emotions involved in every event to finally produce a picture called memory.
Every picture is always stored in memory but as humans we sometimes forget where we store it. We often choose to remember the things we want to remember and forget those we dislike, even if it was a picture that had already been taken and carved into reality. Silly aren't we?
Say hello to the most wonderful painter and camera in the world...you :)
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Happiness
The other day a friend and I had an interesting conversation on the topic of happiness. I actually spouted some stuff out of my mouth unknowingly which became food for thought.
She asked me "What is your idea of happiness?"
Ah one of life's great mysteries.
Frankly I am not an authority in this department to comment about it. However, a book I read brought up a point which I felt had a lot of truth.
Much of the unhappiness we experience is due to the existence of desire and craving. We desire wealth, the new phone, the new toy, that cute guy and the list goes on. Like they say, it is expectation that leads to disappointment. It is this expectation that is generated from desire that leads to disappointment and unhappiness. Of course, most mere mortals are unable to renounce all desire.
It does however, lead one to think that....happiness really is a state of mind. It should exist even by itself when you have nothing. To feel happiness for being alive, for the sunshine or for the rain and not because you have or do not have something.
I am sure we all know, this is not an easy stage to reach.
However, we have come to the point where we have attached happiness to the things we own and do not own. We will be happy when we have that dress, that car. that promotion, that apartment and so on. My friend brought up a good point. Advertising led us to believe we will be happy when we buy x product, y service. Sure it does make us happy but we all know...it is largely transitory.
What is happiness? Well I don't really know how to answer this question but perhaps I should give a little story here that might put things into some perspective.
I have a friend whom I have not seen in a while...He has a rare brain disease that means he may die anytime. He's in his late 20s by the way. To him, happiness is being able to wake up every morning, see the sun and touch the ground with his feet.
That's so simple isn't it? How many of us can find the happiness that exist in something that we take for granted? What is happiness to you?
That's food for thought :)
She asked me "What is your idea of happiness?"
Ah one of life's great mysteries.
Frankly I am not an authority in this department to comment about it. However, a book I read brought up a point which I felt had a lot of truth.
Much of the unhappiness we experience is due to the existence of desire and craving. We desire wealth, the new phone, the new toy, that cute guy and the list goes on. Like they say, it is expectation that leads to disappointment. It is this expectation that is generated from desire that leads to disappointment and unhappiness. Of course, most mere mortals are unable to renounce all desire.
It does however, lead one to think that....happiness really is a state of mind. It should exist even by itself when you have nothing. To feel happiness for being alive, for the sunshine or for the rain and not because you have or do not have something.
I am sure we all know, this is not an easy stage to reach.
However, we have come to the point where we have attached happiness to the things we own and do not own. We will be happy when we have that dress, that car. that promotion, that apartment and so on. My friend brought up a good point. Advertising led us to believe we will be happy when we buy x product, y service. Sure it does make us happy but we all know...it is largely transitory.
What is happiness? Well I don't really know how to answer this question but perhaps I should give a little story here that might put things into some perspective.
I have a friend whom I have not seen in a while...He has a rare brain disease that means he may die anytime. He's in his late 20s by the way. To him, happiness is being able to wake up every morning, see the sun and touch the ground with his feet.
That's so simple isn't it? How many of us can find the happiness that exist in something that we take for granted? What is happiness to you?
That's food for thought :)
Monday, April 24, 2006
Time Flies
Time flies...it really does.
Some time back...
"Do you?" The devil asked.
This, is my answer.
@-;--
Some time back...
"Do you?" The devil asked.
This, is my answer.
@-;--
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Fairy Godmother, Irony
The other day , a friend was talking about the nice lady that everyone wants to hug because she gave people such a good feeling. I have not read the news about this lady but I know someone who gives off this nice feeling too.
There are some people in this world whereby you just feel at ease and warm when you are with them. I was wishing happy birthday to one of my senior friends who is of certain age yesterday. Wheneer I am with her, it's like being with mummy or grandma. You feel warm, comforted and happy. You just want to hold her hand and ask if she is well. These are the people whom one feel truth, purity and sincerity.
Happy birthday to a very nice lady whom I would consider the closest person to a fairy godmother :)
As I was chatting one of my girlfriends the other day I also realised that it is true that when one is not involved, wisdom and clarity comes. Third party view we call it. You see truth and facts for what it's worth, the beauty in all its glory, the ugly in all its reality and of course the wisdom of right and wrong. Everything becomes so clear that it is frightening, ironic, enlightening yet achingly simple at the same time. We are all capable of this and we always need someone like this to give us the bitter pill sometimes. We are but just human. Everything is always simple until it becomes our own situation. Everything can be solved unless it's our own problem. Ironic, isn't it?
@-;--
There are some people in this world whereby you just feel at ease and warm when you are with them. I was wishing happy birthday to one of my senior friends who is of certain age yesterday. Wheneer I am with her, it's like being with mummy or grandma. You feel warm, comforted and happy. You just want to hold her hand and ask if she is well. These are the people whom one feel truth, purity and sincerity.
Happy birthday to a very nice lady whom I would consider the closest person to a fairy godmother :)
As I was chatting one of my girlfriends the other day I also realised that it is true that when one is not involved, wisdom and clarity comes. Third party view we call it. You see truth and facts for what it's worth, the beauty in all its glory, the ugly in all its reality and of course the wisdom of right and wrong. Everything becomes so clear that it is frightening, ironic, enlightening yet achingly simple at the same time. We are all capable of this and we always need someone like this to give us the bitter pill sometimes. We are but just human. Everything is always simple until it becomes our own situation. Everything can be solved unless it's our own problem. Ironic, isn't it?
@-;--
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
As Time Goes By, Foolish Games
Today I met up with someone whom I think if most of my friends knew, would raise an eyebrow and go "ooohhhh...why?"
It was for work people :)
He told me about the new developments in his life, his new house and events. I felt happy for him..truly...that he has finally found some peace and progress in his life.
I think sometimes it is after a long time that you realised how much you really care about someone. Never mind the relationship was not worth it, never mind he was not worth it (so they say), never mind the pain, never mind the tears...when you take all that away... all that's left is just pure care and love... some call it stupidity.
When he told me about his life, I didn't feel any jealousy or resentment. I felt peace and true gladness for him. There are some people whom you will feel you were meant to meet in your life, where that encounter changes the course of your life. That was one.
There were times where I asked myself if I would have preferred not to. A part of me would have wanted to spare myself the pain and all the other pains that followed. I might have been happier living in the old life. I might even be preparing for a wedding today.
Alas, we shall not lament on things we cannot change.
He taught me the possibility of possibility and the importance of dreams. What he could not teach me was how to live with it. At the end of it all, I think the road, while bumpy, taught me more than any book could. I can't say it was all good but it was a one way road. You never look back.
Just when you think you can't love more than you ever knew, you can be proven wrong. Just when you think you know, you realise you don't know at all. I can't say I can look back at all that happened and say I am proud of it. Yet, the journey was far from boring. I am just waiting to see where it all leads.
An old song filled the silence in the car...It was nice listening to it with the rain outside pattering on the window...
Foolish Games
You took your coat off and stood in the rain
You were always crazy like that..
I watched from my window
Always felt I was outside looking in on you..
You were always the mysterious one
with dark eyes and careless hair
You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care
You stood in my doorway,with nothing to say
Besides some comment on the weather..
Well in case you failed to notice,
in case you failed to see
This is my heart bleeding before you,
this is me down on my knees..
These foolish games are tearing me apart..
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart
You were always brilliant in morning
Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee
Your philosophies on art,Baroque moved you
You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones
As I clumsily strummed my guitar..
Well, excuse me,
guess I've mistakenyou for somebody else
Somebody who gave a damn,
somebody more like myself
These foolish games are tearing me apart
You're tearing me, tearing me,
tearing me apart..
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart
You took off your coat and stood in the rain
You were always crazy like that...
@-;--
It was for work people :)
He told me about the new developments in his life, his new house and events. I felt happy for him..truly...that he has finally found some peace and progress in his life.
I think sometimes it is after a long time that you realised how much you really care about someone. Never mind the relationship was not worth it, never mind he was not worth it (so they say), never mind the pain, never mind the tears...when you take all that away... all that's left is just pure care and love... some call it stupidity.
When he told me about his life, I didn't feel any jealousy or resentment. I felt peace and true gladness for him. There are some people whom you will feel you were meant to meet in your life, where that encounter changes the course of your life. That was one.
There were times where I asked myself if I would have preferred not to. A part of me would have wanted to spare myself the pain and all the other pains that followed. I might have been happier living in the old life. I might even be preparing for a wedding today.
Alas, we shall not lament on things we cannot change.
He taught me the possibility of possibility and the importance of dreams. What he could not teach me was how to live with it. At the end of it all, I think the road, while bumpy, taught me more than any book could. I can't say it was all good but it was a one way road. You never look back.
Just when you think you can't love more than you ever knew, you can be proven wrong. Just when you think you know, you realise you don't know at all. I can't say I can look back at all that happened and say I am proud of it. Yet, the journey was far from boring. I am just waiting to see where it all leads.
An old song filled the silence in the car...It was nice listening to it with the rain outside pattering on the window...
Foolish Games
You took your coat off and stood in the rain
You were always crazy like that..
I watched from my window
Always felt I was outside looking in on you..
You were always the mysterious one
with dark eyes and careless hair
You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care
You stood in my doorway,with nothing to say
Besides some comment on the weather..
Well in case you failed to notice,
in case you failed to see
This is my heart bleeding before you,
this is me down on my knees..
These foolish games are tearing me apart..
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart
You were always brilliant in morning
Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee
Your philosophies on art,Baroque moved you
You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones
As I clumsily strummed my guitar..
Well, excuse me,
guess I've mistakenyou for somebody else
Somebody who gave a damn,
somebody more like myself
These foolish games are tearing me apart
You're tearing me, tearing me,
tearing me apart..
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart
You took off your coat and stood in the rain
You were always crazy like that...
@-;--
Monday, April 17, 2006
Memory and age
Memory is a strange thing. They say as you get older, you tend to remember less well of recent events but more clearly of past events. I must be getting older. I remember less well and yet I can remember past events more clearly than before.
As I was clearing my receipts to file my taxes, I came across a few receipts that reminded me of several events in the past. As I looked at every receipt, it was like looking at my life flash by. I could remember who I was with, what I did, where I went. Sometimes I could remember the exact picture in my head. I never quite expected a stack of old receipts to act like a diary of sorts.
I remember the times I sang, remembered the times I went out with friends, the times I was in love, the times I went wild...all from a humble stack of receipts. Interesting isn't it?
The difference is sometimes we will look at triggers of events and cry...sometimes we will smile..sometimes we will stop crying and be able to smile...sometimes we learn to accept...sometimes we never forget...sometimes we smile sadly..sometimes we wished we never saw it...sometimes we smile happily. That is the magic of time.
And yes, I am getting older...can feel my body aches more *laughs*
@-;--
As I was clearing my receipts to file my taxes, I came across a few receipts that reminded me of several events in the past. As I looked at every receipt, it was like looking at my life flash by. I could remember who I was with, what I did, where I went. Sometimes I could remember the exact picture in my head. I never quite expected a stack of old receipts to act like a diary of sorts.
I remember the times I sang, remembered the times I went out with friends, the times I was in love, the times I went wild...all from a humble stack of receipts. Interesting isn't it?
The difference is sometimes we will look at triggers of events and cry...sometimes we will smile..sometimes we will stop crying and be able to smile...sometimes we learn to accept...sometimes we never forget...sometimes we smile sadly..sometimes we wished we never saw it...sometimes we smile happily. That is the magic of time.
And yes, I am getting older...can feel my body aches more *laughs*
@-;--
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Look In
I like looking at babies because when you look at them , what you see is what you get. There is no pretense, no facade, no front to hide, protect or deceive the world.
When we were younger, things and people were a lot simpler. We laughed when we were happy, cry when we are sad, declare love when we feel it and show anger when we are upset. As years passed and life grew on us, many of us slowly developed another side that we choose to show the world.
As life delivered its lessons, we all found our own ways of dealing with it. We made friends with realisation, realism, cycism and sometimes escapism. Some learnt to deal with life in a strong and positive way, some much less so. However, somehow or other, we all developed a certain persona. This persona helps us to save our pride, protect us from harm and be acceptable to society.
How many times have you wanted to express your own opinion or anger but held back for acceptability? How many times have you created an illusion to be more or less than you are ? Perhaps you have felt love but held it back because you were too proud to admit it? Have you turned love away because you were afraid to get hurt?
Once, twice or many?
There are times when you deal with someone and for an instant can feel the true essence of a person. An essence that shows that person is not trying to be nicer than he or she really is, isn't trying to hide or run and is truly showing you the fundamental core that makes him or her human. I love it when I stumble upon such moments. Even bad boys have such sides too.
Sometimes you may also notice this true side more when people are with the people who spent their growing years with them like old school mates, good long time friends. Perhaps it is due to lowering of guard?
I believe my friends have questions of my judgement about men. Call me stupid or delusional but very often it is that true essence that I saw that moved my heart. My mistake was not recognising how strong someone can hold on to the persona he has created for himself. Love someone simpler? You love or you don't. You can't fake it or force it. It's that simple.
The same goes for people in general. Why do I choose to believe in some people? Because it is that true self I see. Perhaps it is my hope they will let the true self shine through the wall they have created. It isn't always the case though and sometimes disappointments ensue.
I may love a person for all that he is, exterior or interior..but it is that true self that forms the core of my love and respect. All I am asking for is a little truth...the truth which I myself am seeking to find and show more too.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I suddenly recalled a little conversation from sometime back when I heard Michael Buble's Home...
"You look really happy today...what's up?"
"Don't know...maybe because I haven't seen you in three days?"
*smile*
@-;--
When we were younger, things and people were a lot simpler. We laughed when we were happy, cry when we are sad, declare love when we feel it and show anger when we are upset. As years passed and life grew on us, many of us slowly developed another side that we choose to show the world.
As life delivered its lessons, we all found our own ways of dealing with it. We made friends with realisation, realism, cycism and sometimes escapism. Some learnt to deal with life in a strong and positive way, some much less so. However, somehow or other, we all developed a certain persona. This persona helps us to save our pride, protect us from harm and be acceptable to society.
How many times have you wanted to express your own opinion or anger but held back for acceptability? How many times have you created an illusion to be more or less than you are ? Perhaps you have felt love but held it back because you were too proud to admit it? Have you turned love away because you were afraid to get hurt?
Once, twice or many?
There are times when you deal with someone and for an instant can feel the true essence of a person. An essence that shows that person is not trying to be nicer than he or she really is, isn't trying to hide or run and is truly showing you the fundamental core that makes him or her human. I love it when I stumble upon such moments. Even bad boys have such sides too.
Sometimes you may also notice this true side more when people are with the people who spent their growing years with them like old school mates, good long time friends. Perhaps it is due to lowering of guard?
I believe my friends have questions of my judgement about men. Call me stupid or delusional but very often it is that true essence that I saw that moved my heart. My mistake was not recognising how strong someone can hold on to the persona he has created for himself. Love someone simpler? You love or you don't. You can't fake it or force it. It's that simple.
The same goes for people in general. Why do I choose to believe in some people? Because it is that true self I see. Perhaps it is my hope they will let the true self shine through the wall they have created. It isn't always the case though and sometimes disappointments ensue.
I may love a person for all that he is, exterior or interior..but it is that true self that forms the core of my love and respect. All I am asking for is a little truth...the truth which I myself am seeking to find and show more too.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I suddenly recalled a little conversation from sometime back when I heard Michael Buble's Home...
"You look really happy today...what's up?"
"Don't know...maybe because I haven't seen you in three days?"
*smile*
@-;--
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
You Need To Get A...
*Sigh*
I heard this a few times "You need to get a ..."
Yes I know where you guys are coming from and I have no doubt it will bring some quick fix relief...I haven't lost it...but end of the day I just don't feel like it.
It's like you know you like sushi but today you just don't feel like eating sushi.
Next to dancing and close friends...I do not really want to have anything closer. Think porcupine. On top of that, really not much mood left with all the deadlines and deliverables in my head.
Comfort and happiness to me these days is when I see the red numbers become smaller...when I use that nice moisturiser...when I file my nails...when I use my eye cream...why you may ask?
I have not been taking good care of myself and would like to do that now...love myself a little...things I know will REALLY solve the things on my mind.
I have never been the type to go looking. When it did happened, it just did...not because I went looking. I will feel good about it if it happened like that...when the chemistry just happened...not because I went looking for it. It's just not me.
I just don't want to think about things in this department for now. If it happens, great. If it doesn't, so be it. Sure this may change but I would just like to go with the flow a bit now. You guys already say I think too much so I wanna think less about it. I already have too much to think about :)
@-;--
I heard this a few times "You need to get a ..."
Yes I know where you guys are coming from and I have no doubt it will bring some quick fix relief...I haven't lost it...but end of the day I just don't feel like it.
It's like you know you like sushi but today you just don't feel like eating sushi.
Next to dancing and close friends...I do not really want to have anything closer. Think porcupine. On top of that, really not much mood left with all the deadlines and deliverables in my head.
Comfort and happiness to me these days is when I see the red numbers become smaller...when I use that nice moisturiser...when I file my nails...when I use my eye cream...why you may ask?
I have not been taking good care of myself and would like to do that now...love myself a little...things I know will REALLY solve the things on my mind.
I have never been the type to go looking. When it did happened, it just did...not because I went looking. I will feel good about it if it happened like that...when the chemistry just happened...not because I went looking for it. It's just not me.
I just don't want to think about things in this department for now. If it happens, great. If it doesn't, so be it. Sure this may change but I would just like to go with the flow a bit now. You guys already say I think too much so I wanna think less about it. I already have too much to think about :)
@-;--
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Change
Some friends have started to notice little changes in me and have found reasons for it. It's really nothing actually and you may well start to see more of it to come. It's just a little way of loving and taking care of myself more from the basics. My only concern is I keep up the healthy mentality which has been keeping me in good spirit recently. The best is yet to come :)
@-;--
@-;--
Friday, April 07, 2006
Little Joy
One of the little joys I love about staying on my own is being able to come home and just play my favourite music while I go about my little chores round the house. I love the sound of soft jazz playing as I relax after a long day.
I love you for sentimental reasons
I hope you do believe me
I'll give you my heart
I love you
And you alone were meant for me
Please give your loving heart to me
And say we'll never part
I think of you every morning
Dream of you every night
Darling I'm never lonely
Whenever you are inside...
Aaaahhhhhh...lovely.
I love you for sentimental reasons
I hope you do believe me
I'll give you my heart
I love you
And you alone were meant for me
Please give your loving heart to me
And say we'll never part
I think of you every morning
Dream of you every night
Darling I'm never lonely
Whenever you are inside...
Aaaahhhhhh...lovely.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Fear the Monster
I had wanted to write about this topic the same day as the previous entry. However, I didn't want to clutter the day with too many themes so this entry waited till today. My dreams over last few days also reaffirmed the desire to write about this topic.
The other night I had a dream I was diving into the deep blue sea and learning how to surf. I jumped off a plane in another one. In case you didn't know, I have a fear of heights and the sea when it's dark. In the dreams, however, I didn't have any inhibitions at all.
The topic I am writing is about fear.
Before I continue, I would like to share a passage from the same book..
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Identify the things that are holding you back. Are you scared of speaking or do you have troubles in your relatiobshps? Do you lack a positive attitude or do you need more energy? Make a written inventory of your weaknesses. Satisfied people are far more thoughtful than others. Take the time to reflect on what it is that might be keeping you from the life you really want and know deep down you can have. Once you have identified what your weaknesses are, the next step is to face them head on and attack your fears. If you fear public speaking, sign up to give twenty speeches. If you fear starting a new business or getting out of a dissatisfying relationship, muster every ounce of your inner resolve and do it. This might be the first taste of real freedom that you have experienced in years. Fear is nothing more than a mental monster you have created, a negative stream of consciousness. "
"Fear is nothing more than a negative stream of consciousness? I like that. You mean all my fears are nothing more than imaginary little gremlins that have crept into my mind over the years?"
"Exactly, John. Every time they have prevented you from taking some action, you have added fuel to their fire. But when you conquer your fears, you conquer your life."
.....*left out some parts*......
"A baby could be trained to view a glorious sunny day as depressing. A child could be trained to see a puppy as a vicious animal. An adult could be trained to see a drug as a pleasant vehicle for release. It's all a matter of conditioning, isn't it?"
"Sure."
"The same holds true of fear. Fear is a conditioned response: a life-sucking habit that can easily consume your energy, creativity and spirit if you are not careful. When fear rears its ugly head, beat it down quickly. The best way to do that is to do the thing you fear: Understand the anatomy of fear. It is your own creation. Like any other creation, it is just as easy to tear it down as it is to erect it. Methodically search for and then destroy every fear that has secretly slid into the fortress of your mind. This alone will give you enormous confidence, happiness and peace of mind."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Everyone has something they fear. It ranges from cockroackes to heights to new work and relationships. I was really surprised by the lack of fear I had in my dreams. I have things I fear in real life too. I think sometimes we fear it so much it stays in our consciousness and subconscious mind till it becomes the only thing we know and the only thing we will experience.
I wouldn't say this is entirely related to fear. Something happened while I was spending time with myself last weekend. There is something which I knew I had held for a long time but I did not want to acknowledge it so I was trying to deny it. Fear of what may happen if I did acknowledge it held me back.
However, I suddenly realised that no matter how I could try to hold it back, deny and push away, the fact remained somewhere in the depths of my being. I realised that with simple triggers, the truth will surface. Thus, I finally told myself to just admit it and accept it.
And then magic happened.
I felt a great sense of peace.
With that, I did something the next day that I never quite thought I would do. Sure there was initial inertia but another step took it away. I felt peace with it. I suddenly realised to let something go, you have to first let it in. It's something like attacking your fears I guess. The courage to admit, face and accept the fear allows oneself the peace and clarity to deal with it. Yes I am afraid of the possible consequences but I am also aware of how this simple action gave me the ease to do the things I was trying so hard to do. Facing the fear helped me to deal with me more than I had ever done by trying to deny it.
I also felt a sense of question. If I knew there was someone in me that I was capable of being, why do I keep that person in since it is who I want to be? That's when I decided. No discounting of oneself. Hope we all be the person we are truly meant to be :)
On a totally unrelated note... a friend said I am a very sensual person. My ex or half-ex whatever you call it, also said the same thing once. I wonder why. I am so rough at times and hardly civilised in my words at other times...sensual???? I also noticed at times I may wear normal clothes like a long wrap skirt and a tube and I was said to look sexy. Well I am sorry if the gal here is naturally sexy! *laughs* Just kidding :)
@-;--
The other night I had a dream I was diving into the deep blue sea and learning how to surf. I jumped off a plane in another one. In case you didn't know, I have a fear of heights and the sea when it's dark. In the dreams, however, I didn't have any inhibitions at all.
The topic I am writing is about fear.
Before I continue, I would like to share a passage from the same book..
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Identify the things that are holding you back. Are you scared of speaking or do you have troubles in your relatiobshps? Do you lack a positive attitude or do you need more energy? Make a written inventory of your weaknesses. Satisfied people are far more thoughtful than others. Take the time to reflect on what it is that might be keeping you from the life you really want and know deep down you can have. Once you have identified what your weaknesses are, the next step is to face them head on and attack your fears. If you fear public speaking, sign up to give twenty speeches. If you fear starting a new business or getting out of a dissatisfying relationship, muster every ounce of your inner resolve and do it. This might be the first taste of real freedom that you have experienced in years. Fear is nothing more than a mental monster you have created, a negative stream of consciousness. "
"Fear is nothing more than a negative stream of consciousness? I like that. You mean all my fears are nothing more than imaginary little gremlins that have crept into my mind over the years?"
"Exactly, John. Every time they have prevented you from taking some action, you have added fuel to their fire. But when you conquer your fears, you conquer your life."
.....*left out some parts*......
"A baby could be trained to view a glorious sunny day as depressing. A child could be trained to see a puppy as a vicious animal. An adult could be trained to see a drug as a pleasant vehicle for release. It's all a matter of conditioning, isn't it?"
"Sure."
"The same holds true of fear. Fear is a conditioned response: a life-sucking habit that can easily consume your energy, creativity and spirit if you are not careful. When fear rears its ugly head, beat it down quickly. The best way to do that is to do the thing you fear: Understand the anatomy of fear. It is your own creation. Like any other creation, it is just as easy to tear it down as it is to erect it. Methodically search for and then destroy every fear that has secretly slid into the fortress of your mind. This alone will give you enormous confidence, happiness and peace of mind."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Everyone has something they fear. It ranges from cockroackes to heights to new work and relationships. I was really surprised by the lack of fear I had in my dreams. I have things I fear in real life too. I think sometimes we fear it so much it stays in our consciousness and subconscious mind till it becomes the only thing we know and the only thing we will experience.
I wouldn't say this is entirely related to fear. Something happened while I was spending time with myself last weekend. There is something which I knew I had held for a long time but I did not want to acknowledge it so I was trying to deny it. Fear of what may happen if I did acknowledge it held me back.
However, I suddenly realised that no matter how I could try to hold it back, deny and push away, the fact remained somewhere in the depths of my being. I realised that with simple triggers, the truth will surface. Thus, I finally told myself to just admit it and accept it.
And then magic happened.
I felt a great sense of peace.
With that, I did something the next day that I never quite thought I would do. Sure there was initial inertia but another step took it away. I felt peace with it. I suddenly realised to let something go, you have to first let it in. It's something like attacking your fears I guess. The courage to admit, face and accept the fear allows oneself the peace and clarity to deal with it. Yes I am afraid of the possible consequences but I am also aware of how this simple action gave me the ease to do the things I was trying so hard to do. Facing the fear helped me to deal with me more than I had ever done by trying to deny it.
I also felt a sense of question. If I knew there was someone in me that I was capable of being, why do I keep that person in since it is who I want to be? That's when I decided. No discounting of oneself. Hope we all be the person we are truly meant to be :)
On a totally unrelated note... a friend said I am a very sensual person. My ex or half-ex whatever you call it, also said the same thing once. I wonder why. I am so rough at times and hardly civilised in my words at other times...sensual???? I also noticed at times I may wear normal clothes like a long wrap skirt and a tube and I was said to look sexy. Well I am sorry if the gal here is naturally sexy! *laughs* Just kidding :)
@-;--
Monday, April 03, 2006
Pain The Teacher
I am trying to cultivate the habit of doing some positive reading in the morning and this morning I found a passage that really struck me. Simple but powerful. I shall not comment any further and leave you to enjoy it. This is from "The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari" by Robin S. Sharma. In case anyone is wondering, I am taking my time with this book because it is a book meant to be read slowly...to me at least.
My feeling was "It is in our greatest challenges we find our greatest breakthroughs."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Now do as many push ups as you can possibly do. Don't stop until you are truly certain that you cannot do any more."
I struggled with the exercise, my two-hundred-and-fifteen-pound frame not being used to much more than walking to the nearest McDonald's with my kids or meandering through a round of golf with my law partners. The first fifteen push-ups were pure agony. With the heat of that summer evening adding to my discomfort, I started to sweat profusely. However, I was determined not to show any signs of weakness and carried on until my vanity started to give way along with my arms. At twenty-three push ups I gave up.
"No more, Julian. This is killing me. What are you trying to do here?"
"Äre you certain that you can't do any more?"
"I'm sure. C'mon, give me a break. The only lesson I'm going to learn from this is what to do for a heart attack."
"Do ten more. Then you can rest" commanded Julian.
"You've got to be kidding!"
But I continued. One. Two. Five. Eight. And finally ten. I lay on the floor in total exhaustion.
"I went through precisely the same experience with Yogi Raman the night he shared his special fable with me," said Julian. "He told me that pain was a great teacher."
"What could anyone possibly learn from an experience like this?'' I asked breathlessly.
"Yogi Raman and all of the Sages of Sivana for that matter, believed that people grow the most when they enter the Zone of the Unknown."
"Okay. But what does that have to do with making me do all those push-ups?"
"You told me after you had done twenty-three that you couldn't do anymore. You told me that this was your absolute limit. Yet, I challenged you to do more, you responded with another ten push-ups. You had more inside you and when you reached for your resources, you received more. Yogi Raman explained a fundamental truth to me while I was his student:'The only limits on yor life are those you set yourself.' When you dare to get out of your circle of comfort and explore the unknown, you start to liberate your true human potential. This is the first step towards self-mastery and mastery over every other circumstance in your life. When you push beyond your limits, just as you did in this little demonstration, you unlock mental and physical reserves that you never thought you had."
....*left out some parts*.....
"You practise the art of kaizen by pushing yourself daily. Work hard to improve your mind and body. Nourish your spirit. Do the things you fear. Start to live with unbridled energy and limitless enthusiasm. Watch the sun rise. Dance in a rain shower. Be the person you dream of being. Do the things you have always wanted to do but didn't because you tricked yourself into believing that you were too young, too old, too rich or too poor. Prepare to live a soaring, fully alive life. In the East they say that luck favours the prepared mind. I believe that life favours the prepared mind."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Savour this entry slowly and may it do wonderful things for you :)
@-;--
My feeling was "It is in our greatest challenges we find our greatest breakthroughs."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Now do as many push ups as you can possibly do. Don't stop until you are truly certain that you cannot do any more."
I struggled with the exercise, my two-hundred-and-fifteen-pound frame not being used to much more than walking to the nearest McDonald's with my kids or meandering through a round of golf with my law partners. The first fifteen push-ups were pure agony. With the heat of that summer evening adding to my discomfort, I started to sweat profusely. However, I was determined not to show any signs of weakness and carried on until my vanity started to give way along with my arms. At twenty-three push ups I gave up.
"No more, Julian. This is killing me. What are you trying to do here?"
"Äre you certain that you can't do any more?"
"I'm sure. C'mon, give me a break. The only lesson I'm going to learn from this is what to do for a heart attack."
"Do ten more. Then you can rest" commanded Julian.
"You've got to be kidding!"
But I continued. One. Two. Five. Eight. And finally ten. I lay on the floor in total exhaustion.
"I went through precisely the same experience with Yogi Raman the night he shared his special fable with me," said Julian. "He told me that pain was a great teacher."
"What could anyone possibly learn from an experience like this?'' I asked breathlessly.
"Yogi Raman and all of the Sages of Sivana for that matter, believed that people grow the most when they enter the Zone of the Unknown."
"Okay. But what does that have to do with making me do all those push-ups?"
"You told me after you had done twenty-three that you couldn't do anymore. You told me that this was your absolute limit. Yet, I challenged you to do more, you responded with another ten push-ups. You had more inside you and when you reached for your resources, you received more. Yogi Raman explained a fundamental truth to me while I was his student:'The only limits on yor life are those you set yourself.' When you dare to get out of your circle of comfort and explore the unknown, you start to liberate your true human potential. This is the first step towards self-mastery and mastery over every other circumstance in your life. When you push beyond your limits, just as you did in this little demonstration, you unlock mental and physical reserves that you never thought you had."
....*left out some parts*.....
"You practise the art of kaizen by pushing yourself daily. Work hard to improve your mind and body. Nourish your spirit. Do the things you fear. Start to live with unbridled energy and limitless enthusiasm. Watch the sun rise. Dance in a rain shower. Be the person you dream of being. Do the things you have always wanted to do but didn't because you tricked yourself into believing that you were too young, too old, too rich or too poor. Prepare to live a soaring, fully alive life. In the East they say that luck favours the prepared mind. I believe that life favours the prepared mind."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Savour this entry slowly and may it do wonderful things for you :)
@-;--
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Real Life Story
I found this somewhere...it's a real story so I thought of sharing it...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I want to tell a story.
Not too long ago, there was a guy who worked really hard at his job. He worked no less than 14hours each day from Monday to Sunday, including public holidays and even through several flus and fevers. Work was fun and work was good. He get recognition from everyone at every level. One day, his boss said to him 'There is no such thing as job security, only career security. Knowledge can be brought along with us, but our jobs can be replaced by just about anyone and it may very well be one of a junior colleague.'
He didnt understand. He continued to work that way and started feeling the stress of neglecting his girlfriend. He did nothing to improve the situation. He felt that waiting will be ok. It will be soon. 'Man on the moon' Through the period of time, he felt that his girlfriend deserves more attention than that he was giving her. Even given that he accompanied his girlfriend to dinner every evening, as he knows that the girlfriend will wait faithfully for him. She had gastric and he knew that he needed to accompany her, even though grudingly. It finally came to that he was keeping quiet when he was with his girlfriend.
His girlfriend thought that he had started seeing someone else. Doing spot checks on him by calling the office and even the handphone's sms when he was asleep. However, none was found as his only affair is work. She was still upset coz in the sms-es, they contained the unhappiness that he felt about needing to take time away from work and accompany her. Their relationship was strained. They started to fight. Actually, it was more like he started to be short tempered.
Eventually, the girlfriend decided to leave. One night as he was sleeping, so thought the girlfriend, she went by his bed and said 'darling, I know you are stressed at work and unhappy to accompany me. I have decided to leave you now. Sorry I cannot take care of you anymore. You must take good care of yourself. I love you.' With that, she started crying. Even though he was just woken up when she sat next to the bed. He didnt react. He didnt knew how.
Some weeks later, he came back and not surprisingly found that she has moved out. The apartment became a cold place suddenly. There is no longer warmth within. The four walls closed in and the chill is almost unbearable. Many chances came by for them to be together, and yet he didnt act on them. They came and they went. Time passed. And she was with someone else. He thought she would always be there for him. He had not been unfaithful, just busy. But he never showed her his love by taking the time to be with her. She thought that he was happy only with work and his friends.
Indeed, he was happy with work and enjoyed the company of his friends. But the love they had was gone. And he felt a loss. A very true loss. It striked in his hearts. That was when he knew that work is important but he can be replaced and friends are important but only when he had the warmth of love to be a good friend. The darkness set in. The realm of hopelessness risen up. The love is gone. The girl has moved on. The guy is still here, the guy is me.
Do not lose yourself in work. Busy is the poorest excuse. Success is nothing when there is no one to share it with. Anyone can be replaced, no matter how capable they are. Work is an unemotional master, they do what needs to be done...with or without you. Support your beloved through the hardest moment, but make sure that they know that you will not be there forever in a state of neglect.
Like a statue without care, love can erode away. Do yourself a favor, save yourself the pain. Save time for work, save time for friends and especially save time for your belove. Do not seek time on your convenience, your belove has a life too. Learn from your mistakes, learn from my mistakes. Treasure yourself..move on when you need to. Lingering will just not do anything for the hurt.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I like the morale of the story. Sometimes we think a loved one will always be there because they love us so much. I know because I have both been on both ends, thinking this way and being the receiving end of such thoughts. We take the things we thought were ours for granted. Indeed, it would have been if we had taken greater care. Everyone has a limit...a limit that no matter how much you love will be breached if pushed to the edge and at that point, that very love becomes the very thing that destroys both giver and receiver.
Sure we should not let work take over life...but what if one did want work as an excuse?
@-;--
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I want to tell a story.
Not too long ago, there was a guy who worked really hard at his job. He worked no less than 14hours each day from Monday to Sunday, including public holidays and even through several flus and fevers. Work was fun and work was good. He get recognition from everyone at every level. One day, his boss said to him 'There is no such thing as job security, only career security. Knowledge can be brought along with us, but our jobs can be replaced by just about anyone and it may very well be one of a junior colleague.'
He didnt understand. He continued to work that way and started feeling the stress of neglecting his girlfriend. He did nothing to improve the situation. He felt that waiting will be ok. It will be soon. 'Man on the moon' Through the period of time, he felt that his girlfriend deserves more attention than that he was giving her. Even given that he accompanied his girlfriend to dinner every evening, as he knows that the girlfriend will wait faithfully for him. She had gastric and he knew that he needed to accompany her, even though grudingly. It finally came to that he was keeping quiet when he was with his girlfriend.
His girlfriend thought that he had started seeing someone else. Doing spot checks on him by calling the office and even the handphone's sms when he was asleep. However, none was found as his only affair is work. She was still upset coz in the sms-es, they contained the unhappiness that he felt about needing to take time away from work and accompany her. Their relationship was strained. They started to fight. Actually, it was more like he started to be short tempered.
Eventually, the girlfriend decided to leave. One night as he was sleeping, so thought the girlfriend, she went by his bed and said 'darling, I know you are stressed at work and unhappy to accompany me. I have decided to leave you now. Sorry I cannot take care of you anymore. You must take good care of yourself. I love you.' With that, she started crying. Even though he was just woken up when she sat next to the bed. He didnt react. He didnt knew how.
Some weeks later, he came back and not surprisingly found that she has moved out. The apartment became a cold place suddenly. There is no longer warmth within. The four walls closed in and the chill is almost unbearable. Many chances came by for them to be together, and yet he didnt act on them. They came and they went. Time passed. And she was with someone else. He thought she would always be there for him. He had not been unfaithful, just busy. But he never showed her his love by taking the time to be with her. She thought that he was happy only with work and his friends.
Indeed, he was happy with work and enjoyed the company of his friends. But the love they had was gone. And he felt a loss. A very true loss. It striked in his hearts. That was when he knew that work is important but he can be replaced and friends are important but only when he had the warmth of love to be a good friend. The darkness set in. The realm of hopelessness risen up. The love is gone. The girl has moved on. The guy is still here, the guy is me.
Do not lose yourself in work. Busy is the poorest excuse. Success is nothing when there is no one to share it with. Anyone can be replaced, no matter how capable they are. Work is an unemotional master, they do what needs to be done...with or without you. Support your beloved through the hardest moment, but make sure that they know that you will not be there forever in a state of neglect.
Like a statue without care, love can erode away. Do yourself a favor, save yourself the pain. Save time for work, save time for friends and especially save time for your belove. Do not seek time on your convenience, your belove has a life too. Learn from your mistakes, learn from my mistakes. Treasure yourself..move on when you need to. Lingering will just not do anything for the hurt.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I like the morale of the story. Sometimes we think a loved one will always be there because they love us so much. I know because I have both been on both ends, thinking this way and being the receiving end of such thoughts. We take the things we thought were ours for granted. Indeed, it would have been if we had taken greater care. Everyone has a limit...a limit that no matter how much you love will be breached if pushed to the edge and at that point, that very love becomes the very thing that destroys both giver and receiver.
Sure we should not let work take over life...but what if one did want work as an excuse?
@-;--
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