The One

"The One".

No I am not talking about another Jet Lee attempt at Hollywood.

I am talking about the favourite word that many men and women use for finding the right partner in life. It is sought so after and yet so elusive and uncertain it is akin to finding the Holy Grail in dating.

When we meet someone, we ask ourselves could he or she be The One? When things don't work out, we comfort ourselves by saying he or she wasn't The One. We believe, when we find The One, all the nasty things and problems we had with the previous ones will disappear. The One is the one we will marry and live happily after with. The One has become our excuse for everything that could be right or wrong and sometimes, the excuse for us to be lazy in our efforts to make something work.

Oh please do not be mistaken. I believe The One exists somewhere out there. Somewhere beneath the rose line and starry skies perhaps? No I am not talking about a dead body. But why do we attach such a halo to The One?

If finding The One was a cure all solution, why are there so many divorce cases? If finding the right person to marry was it, why are there so many failed marriages that are no different from being divorced?

People change. The clothes we wear have changed along with it. The things we like, use, wear, eat, drink and pretty much everything else changes as well. So why is it, we believe in the existence of The One which is like a classic pair of jeans that is supposed to stay right through all seasons of fashion, fad or not?

We often have a mental picture or list of what The One should be like. Yet. many end up with people completely different from what they expected. Sometimes, we may want things different from what we thought we wanted. It's also about chemistry. I may place the person who has everything you want in front of you and you'd not find yourself to love him or her. According to doctors, falling in love is a sickness and indeed it is. It makes us do things we never thought we will or could.

Perhaps it was too much When Harry Met Sally so people got too Sleepless in Seattle thinking where art thou love? In movies, the two main characters have a fateful meeting, go through tumultous times and in the end spend the rest of their lives happily together. What they do not show is the routine that comes after and the grind of daily living that grinds the relationship paper thin. To me, that's when the challenge of love starts as you fight over money, keeping the house clean, laundry habits and not when the world is still a nice pinky hue in your lover's eyes. Love and The One are seriously over glamourised in our imagination. Perhaps that is why we sometimes have unrealistic expectations?

With regards to The One, I like what a friend once told me. He was getting to his girlfriend of six years and he was doing so willingly (Read: Not forced to by some overly emotional outburst of life threats to get married). He told me there were many times they nearly gave up over serious fights but six years later, he is glad she is still in his life. He understood that even if he may meet someone more attractive and perhaps better, she was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. I was thoroughly impressed.

Do I believe in The One? I don't really know how people can stay together happy for the rest of their lives. Those who do, probably work at it. Like a friend said, happiness needs work too. I do however, believe in finding not the perfect person, but the imperfect person who is perfect for you. After that, it's all about responsibility, commitment and of course, above all...love.