Someone Else

How do you deal with the pain when you discover the person you love with all your heart, has someone else in his heart?

It feels excruciating and even more so because it is a situation of which you are "nearly" helpless about.

I remember I wrote about this briefly a few entries back and again I was inspired to write about this again. It may be difficult for some of you to read this but this is from a friend who understands and cares. There is nothing but words of truth, reality and hopefully some comfort eventually here. If you are not ready for it, come back another day.

It is practically of no use for you to hear that "You will find someone else", "You deserve better". People, it really isn't much comfort to be told this and there is no use to pay lip service even if we know it's true. The reason is when you walk away and in your solitude, you will still think "But I want to be with him/her". You may say no but please don't lie, not to yourself.

Why do I call it a nearly helpless situation? You cannot force love to happen. You cannot make the other party love you. You cannot reverse time and hope to do better. You cannot run away from the reality and even if you try to, it haunts you in your solitude at night. You can run anywhere but it will still be there. You can try to ignore it but somehow the tears don't know how to.

I cannot offer much golden words of advice. After all, though I am the one who believes that love exists and will happen someday, has lost much faith. However, there is never true hopelessness in the world. That is something I still believe in. That's why is it still a "nearly" hopeless situation.

You may pray about it and yes sometimes miracles do happen. I have seen it happen before. The person you love may turn around. However, such drama unfortunately, happens to few. Wating for it will bring you nowhere. What is worse than seeing that he or she has moved on to a happy life and you are still stuck in misery? Yes you can say if you love someone, you should be happy for his or her happiness. Yes you may truly feel happy for him or her but come on, it hurts, doesn' it?

Time heals all wounds or so they say. Yes it is true. The question is how long? Some take months and some take years. The one who leaves generally takes a shorter time than the one who gets left behind. It will go away someday. Even if you cannot see how it will, trust in it that it will. The reason is this is the key for recovery. You have to help yourself. No one else can do that for you.

Women tend to be self-sacrificing martyrs when it comes to love. Even in your pain, please remember to love yourself and know that you are loved. Imagine you are a third party trying to love you. Truly ask yourself "If I love myself, what will I do?". I have come to learn something and it is surprising to me whom I got this lesson from: You will not know how to love another until you learn to love yourself first.

I am still trying to comprehend and internalise this simple yet difficult lesson. May you find comfort too. Always know I am here ok? *hugs*

@-;--