Jaded

"You feel jaded right?" I was asked with a tone of self-disappointment.

Yes in some way I am. But my salvation is I believe there is always hope in the world. Nothing lasts forever, not even jaded-ness.

Sometimes we expect ourselves to be a certain type of people, hopeful, cheerful, intelligent and so on. Yet, when life strikes and we fall short of the standards we would like to be, we beat ourselves up over it. This is self-disappointment.

Yes I have asked myself, how can I be such a person? I have felt disappointed at myself for allowing myself to get to such a stage. Thus I realised sometimes when we meet with bad things in life, it is the self-disappointment that hit us even more than the event itself.

Then I realised it's because we always get caught up with being what we would like to be that we forget the person we are and have come to be. Yes we must live with goals and standards to reach for. However, when one only lives for the future or in the past, one will never cherish the preciousness of present. Even if present is less than perfect, it is you and part of your life, something that you can never throw away.

Yes we aspire to be the best that we can be but sometimes we need to accept the reality of present. Embrace all that you have become and continue to walk in hope of a better tomorrow. There is little good in beating yourself up over what is and thus lead you to be so upset that you fail to see tomorrow. Then tomorrow will always be the same as today and it will become a vicious cycle.

There are times you may have realised that while you have tried to continue walking down the lane of life, you left your heart somewhere behind. It may be intentional or unintentional. You may not even realise it that out of your many body clocks, one small one stopped somewhere in memory lane.

When you discover it, you will feel shocked and maybe even self-disappointment. You may want to go back and take your heart back but sometimes it's no longer in your control. However, I believe if you keep walking, someday that heart will move, the clock will begin to tick again, no matter how small the move and how long it takes.

Someday it will.

@-;--