Ups and Downs

I have not written for a while...it was not the lack of inspiration...lack of time perhaps or maybe lack of energy.

There is something I learnt recently in a deep way. Cliche as it may seems, life does have its ups and downs and everyone goes through cycles. There are times that people go through a high and also times people go through a low.

There are pastures that one can only see when one is on a high plane and there are valleys that only one can walk when one is low. It is very difficult to make each other understand the joys, perils, feelings and lessons of each other until one comes to it oneself.

I know I have disappointed many over the last few years and made many upset. I know there are habits that I should try harder to make sure I change. If my friends are reading this, you'd probably know as well. For those who believed in me and are still here, I can't tell you how grateful I am.

There are things that one takes with them everytime one goes through a cycle. That to me is one of the reasons why cycles must exist. One would never truly comprehend the joy of a high until one has tasted the bitterness of a low. One will never understand what it is truly like to be in a low till one has gone through it.

I know a friend who is going through some emotional problems which is very similar to some things I experienced some years back. I feel sad for her because I know how painful it is to be in that situation. I also realised how painful it must have been for her or many of my friends to watch me during those years. I don't think I would have comprehended it if I didn't go through it and I think she probably agrees that it is in going through it herself that she realised how it was for me as well.

There are things we cannot pretend to understand. We can empathise but we will never truly understand until one has truly experienced it.

I also learnt that time changes a lot of things. I learnt that while one can always sink to new lows, lows are often the beginnings to highs. Like they say, every beginning is another beginning's end. Perhaps I was delusional, but I waited for the llight at the end of the tunnel even when I was thinking maybe it will never come. To my friends who are not going through the best of times, I can only hope the same for you...to keep looking at the light.

No, I am not in the best of times to warrant myself the right to say the above. What I can only hope to do is to share your time of unhappiness and sorrow from someone who has gone through some sh*t and caused much unhappiness to others over the last few years. There are so many things I need to work on and have so much to go.

I cannot pretend to truly understand because our situations are not EXACTLY the same. I can quite confidently say that I can probably come closer to understanding it and imagining it than someone who hasn't. Maybe I am not too good at showing it, but I am concerned about my dear friends. It is in a Cancerian nature to. There may be times it sounds like I am probing but that's only because I care about what's happening. If you guys ever found it offensive, I apologise.

As mentioned earlier, there are things we take with us when we go through cycles. My little selfish wish is that you may understand a little of the things that drove my failures, the madness of it all and the faults I have committed. My wish for myself is to always remember the lows that will make the highs worth it. My greater wish is that we will all live through our stages of stress and confusion and find even better pastures.

Dear life, you have taught me much and I know there is a lot more to learn...May you be kind and show us all beautiful pastures ahead.