The Definition of Happiness

Last week, I heard of a friend who finally decided to give up him current profession as a doctor to pursue his true love: music.

You may think he's crazy but frankly I envied his guts so I asked him out for coffee to catch up on his leap of faith.

He told me it's not that he didn't like what he's doing or that it was not a noble job. Like many, he had surrendered to the thoughts of not wanting to be frowned upon. Thus, he figured he can do medicine and play music. That would be pretty cool.

Cool he was indeed.

Yet. he always felt he was not being completely honest to himself...that there was something else he had a burning desire to do.

Maybe it's because I hear this so often. Maybe it is because I hear it so often that I intend to write a story on this theme. Or maybe it's because there are questions of my own that I need answering too.

Very often, I hear people telling me that they dreamt of being a singer, artist, writer and everything. Yet, the challenge and reality of these professions have often turned people another way. Thus, I am always intrigued by people who find the courage to do what they want.

He admits it comes with sacrifice. Maybe he won't be rich, famous, won't own a big car, house or much material comfort. However, he decided what he wanted when he literally looked at himself in the mirror one day and told himself "Dude you are not being honest with yourself."

A friend once told me if you don't seek a fancy lifestyle, there are a lot of things you can do. If you can accept not being rich, not owning a house bigger than your neighbour, a car more fancy than your peers, there are a lot more things you can do. Alas, vanity is one sin that is just so difficult for humans to get rid of.

Myself included.

There are many things that people hold dear in their lives. However, I do realise one thing. There is a difference in the way people choose to lead their lives depending on how they view life and what their priorities are. People like this friend have mine will tend to hold happiness with great importance - "The most important thing in life is to be happy."

Now, this will lead us back to the definition of happiness in the first place. Some people associate wealth with happiness, some social acceptance with happiness, some superiority with happiness and so on. With that, people will tend to chart their lives according to the priorities they hold dear. The kind of happiness that my friend in question or those like him are looking for is something that is more closely related to self-actualisation, something a little more intangible. It would not be possible for someone who's very rooted in the practicalities in life to be able to understand his pursuit. Love and great achievement in the arts does call for a little insanity at times.

One of the areas we talked about today was in this area called happiness - a large grey area that everyone wants a piece of and yet no one really knows what it is.

He asked me what I felt happiness was. I told him happiness in pure form is just what it is- a feeling of happiness without the need for something to spring it into existence. No need for pay rise, new car, hot boyfriend and so on to make one feel happy. He says happiness is the result of self management of contentment. In a way, we are talking about the same thing.

He went on to give me an example. If you think about all the times that you were happy, be it as simple as playing your favourite game, it makes you happy because you are in the moment. You ain't thinking about the past or the future. Like some say, why fret over what cannot be changed and worry about what has yet to come? Being in the now gives you the capability to enjoy the moment to its fullest. Enjoying that contentment gives you the room to be happy.

I am sure there are people who will disagree but in a way, I have to agree with him.

Like I said in my last post, there are still less than perfect areas in my life but generally. it doesn't feel that bad and I do feel a certain sense of happiness. Maybe it's because I have learnt to let go of many things like being at peace for being single, learning not to envy or simply loving the present more?

Everybody has different things that make them happy. Not everyone needs such an intangible and seemingly unreachable definition of happiness. However, what I do realise is everyone has a different definition of happiness. I have spent such a long time looking around for what may make me happy instead of looking inside to seek an answer. It is useless to look at someone else's definition and try to seek that as your own if it is not what truly makes you happy.

It is not only important to find happiness; more importantly, it is about finding one that is your own.

The search continues.