Goodbye Kayem7289

Cancer has taken another young girl's life.

Some of you may remember me writing about a girl who died of cancer sometime back. Now, another girl from soompi has also passed away from cancer.

It's so sudden isn't it?

I didn't know her at all but I have seen her nick so many times on one of the threads I frequent. I remember her nick, her posts and the long farewell she wrote when she decided to leave the forum due to all that was going on in her life.

She's only 18 this year.

I would like to share some excerpts from one of the last posts she wrote and I hope it will give you some perspective from someone who truly was on life's border. If you are her family and wish me to remove this, please let me know. I will gladly do so.

"Last year on August 18, I was diagnosed with Ewing's Sarcoma after going to the hospital for a bruised hip. If you don't know what Ewing's Sarcoma is, it is a form of bone cancer that usually occurs in males more than females. For every five males diagnosed with this illness, one female is affected, and I was that lucky candidate. Which gives me the urge to find the five guys before me and give them a good shaking lol. What happens to the bones is that a chromosome moves out of place and into the wrong...Well, DNA strand. Which is why it's more common in males, when they go through the growth spurt, it forces the bones to adapt and change too rapidly, causing the [already corrupt] chromosomes to go out of whack even more. I grew from 5'2 in freshmen year to 5'8 in junior year, and I also went through a dramatic weight loss, so if there were any contributions to my illness, the blame is all on me and my body. Actually, information about this cancer is still limited so any information I give out, is what I've either been told by a doctor or researched.

The survival rate for bone cancer is usually moderately high, ranging from the 50-70's, UNLESS the cancer metastasizes (spreads), and then your chances of survival dramatically dive...Which is what happened exactly in my case. When I first was diagnosed, I was a stage two patient and the cells were stabilized in my right leg and hip...However, after my last checkup in September, I became a stage four patient (stage five means you are literally on the deathbed waiting for Death's call) because the cells had metastasized into my lungs, pancreas and liver (although I was told that I was getting better). Once you become a stage four patient, there is not much more the doctors or medical staff can do anymore to improve your condition, literally, they can't do anything for you anymore except attempt to perform surgery or intense chemo/radiotherapy (which would still provide just a placebo effect). Like I mentioned above, people diagnosed with bone cancer usually live for years and years because of the high survival rate, until you get to my case...I have approximately six months to live and a 34% of living my life to the fullest.. So right now, I'm in the acceptance stage; I've accepted what is already coming and have fully prepared myself for what is to inevitably come. Now, it's time to fulfill lost dreams and say all that I have left to say so that I can leave peacefully with no regrets. My dad died of cancer when I was nine as well, so I will probably succumb the same way he did. However, I am not angry about dying, in fact, I am looking forward to it [mildly] just because I will be able to be with him again.

I also know that some people must be wondering where I have been for the past week or so, on my so-called trip lol. Well, first and foremost, I apologize about deceiving you all about saying that I was going on a trip when in fact I wasn't. It was actually my first operation, to remove benign tumors from my pancreas and liver, as well as getting a part of my hip replaced. I KNEW it was not going to improve my health at all, but it was for my mom. I knew that undergoing the surgery would at least re-assure her that I was trying harder, so I did it for her. My mom, how I will miss her so much. Her cooking, her crazy stories, her love...I'm just glad that when I pass, such a burden will be lifted off her shoulders and she can live peacefully with my siblings. I am so proud of my mother, having to go through TWO loves of her life dying of cancer and still striving for the best in life. "

"What I've Learned:

Take what you can, and leave what you can't. Seriously, that saying is just...Too true. I've tried as hard as I could to be nice to everyone, as well as being on good terms with whomever I met, but I guess the world just doesn't work that way. You win some, and you lose some. I spent SIX months trying to befriend a member here at Soompi, showering her with replies and compliments, only to discover that she had been talking mini cooper about me all this time. Not only that, to her friends as well. Which brought in new insight: it's THEIR loss, not mine. Why would I want to be friends with someone who talks crap about other people anyway, and without justifiable reasons at that? She knows EXACTLY who she is, so no need to bring up names, but all I know is that I tried, and when someone dislikes you for no apparent reason, then there's nothing else you can do about it...Except, move on. She and her little friends can say crap about me all they want because well, I'm not going to let the comments of such 'high-class' ladies effect me ('monkey-faced', seriously, that's the best you could come up with?). I was pissed at first, but now...I could care less, in fact, I encourage more trash talk, it's entertaining when strangers hate you!

Just be yourself and say whatever the hell you want, well...At least in a tasteful manner. I make no apologies for any of my "essays" because I honestly don't feel like they were offensive enough to have to redeem myself for. In fact, I'd rank them as controversial, but hardly offensive in any way, shape or form. I DO, however, apologize for the times when I deliberately tried to argue with people just so I could gain an ego boost. If you didn't like what I wrote to begin with, why do you bother reading my works anyway? Ever heard of the ignore list or skipping a certain post? Also, I firmly believe I wrote everything as tastefully as possible, so I feel no guilt for what I wrote. Take it or leave it, simple as that.I've also learned that there are more good people out there, than bad. I may have stumbled across a few nasty girls here and there, but overall, people are generally more warm than critical and condescending. It seems the good are usually overlooked because of just a few people, but when you are in my shoes and have no time to analyze what is what, you take what you can and cherish it. If people are going to respect me, I will reciprocate, and if people choose to be negative, then it's better to just move on. It's always better to assume the best in people whether first impressions result in hat judgment or not.

Finally, the last, extremely cliche saying...Live life to the fullest like there is no tomorrow. You don't really fully take that line into consideration until something so drastic forces you to change. I believe we all still take life for granted and don't strive for the best, well...This is KAY speaking from the heart, please do not take your life for granted because it is a precious gift that you should cherish and hold on to for as long as you can. Life, for me, is trying to escape from the world and I am hanging on to it by a thread...I don't know how much longer this thread can hold or support my will to keep living on until I grow old and gray, but I WILL make it work to my best ability...I hope that you will, too, no matter what situation you are in."

May your soul rest in peace, Moon Kyung Min otherwise known as kayem7289.