The Look

For someone who believes that one should cherish the body God gave you, I sometimes do wish I had a more approchable face.

If I were to go into default blank expression, I look unapproachable based on feedback over the years. Well, I am sorry I am not born to look like sunshine when I am not looking like anything. So I try to smile. But I am not a celebrity and I cannot smile even when I am dead tired. I really salute them for their everlasting ability to smile for the camera.

Friends often say I "don't look the type'' for a lot of things. I don't look like the type who would wanna put dinner on the table for my husband, I don't look like the type to cook, I don't look like the type who would read manga, I don't look like the type who would want to do humanitarian work blah blah blah.

So I look like hard type career woman who just wants money and reads Fortune in my leisure? I think I look less of that now thoough I probably looked more in the past. Friends who took time to know me will know that while I have my tempers, I can be as cock and feminine as "I don't look the type".

That's the reason why I hate discrimination and biasness. I don't want to treat people the way I wouldn't want to be treated.

The upside is when I want to be left alone, it isn't that difficult and there are times I do. The upside is despite as ordinary looking as I may be, I still have normal features which I feel blessed for. Still, I do wish it would be easier for people to approach me.

I personally think a person's looks reflects the person's inner state of mind or heart. Happiness is a women's best cosmetic. This is why they say a woman is most beautiful when she is in love. I personally feel beauty, more than being flawless, is about this glow that comes from inside- a glow that warms you even if the person had wrinkles, freckles and all. That I believe, comes when a person has found his or her state of balance and calm in life.

I hope to find that one day and meanwhile, I will try to smile more okay? If I look black faced, it may not be me being angry but I am just spacing out. Talk to me okay?

Path To Your Dreams

Yesterday I went to a friend's farewell party. Having pursued dancing all her life, she finally landed herself a place in a dance company - the much dreamed about goal of all dancers.

I must say I am envious...which self-respecting dancer wouldn't?

Instead of wasting energy on something like envy, I would just like to say it's a simple example of how if one has a dream, a goal and relentless perseverance, success would come one day.

Congratulations girl, I am so happy for you.

P.S.: I will publish and be a profitable best selling author one day who writes meaningful things for people. Goal setting right? :P

Kinda Sad, Isn't It?

I am gonna whine a little.

I have always regarded myself as pretty independent but there are times when I do wish for support from those who matter. I know they can't always be there but there are certain times and stages in life where you wish that those who matter are there.

I always look back and regret I wasn't there for my buddy when she first started out in MLM. I wasn't there when she was struggling to make her business a success. I wasn't there when she needed my support the most. I was there to witness her success but I wasn't there to hold her during her climb. This till today, remains a regret.

It's strange really. I don't know why but it seemed that during most times when I really hoped for the support of those who matter, it wasn't there. Sometimes they were, but most of the time, it had to come to a point where I was crying for help. For the times that they were there, I truly am grateful and I feel blessed.

Sad things aside, there are also important things in my life that I hope to share with those who matter because I cannot possibly share my life without it.

Recently, writing has become a very big part part of my life. If one were to ask me to share about my life, writing would definitely be a part of it. Yet, I realised recently that if I were to ever publish in future and if I were to write a page of acknowledgment of thanks to the people who have stood by me all the way, there would be few of the names I hope to see there.

I am guilty of it too. I sometimes forget to be there when I am needed. But the truth is, when that stage passes, there is no way you can share that anymore. The time has passed and so has the opportunity. As time passes, I stop sharing because I don't know how to share it anymore. Just like when I failed to be there, I missed out on a big part of that stage of her life.

If I were to ever look back and write that page of acknowledgment for the people who have stayed with me all the way, I would not be able to write my family or most of my close friends in real life. Instead, it would be filled with nicknames of people whom I don't even know their real names, people from all over the world who have read, commented and encouraged me since day one.

I understand that everybody's busy and my parents can't really read English so I can't really expect people to be there but sometimes it does feel a little sad that it is perfect strangers who understand the love in my life more than the people whom I thought would understand. I really don't blame them because I have learnt to accept it. It simply means I have to learn to be a better storyteller and/or a better friend.

But still, for the times that they were there, I am truly blessed.

The Center of All Creation

The government is always trying to ask people to be creative these days. You can trust the Singapore government to always come up with fancy programmes and even fancier buildings for our intiatives. Please don't misunderstand, our government is right in saying creativity is important but you can't quite force creativity. You can take time to nurture it but It is in writing that I discovered one thing recently.

The center of all creation is love.

I can quite safely say that people who work in artistically related jobs be it in art itself, music, drama and writing do it out of love. Yes there are those who do it for money but anyone knows that behind every person who actually makes a big buck out of this lays many many others who are struggling with survival or working to make ends meet so that they may try to pursue their love. If not for love, who would commit such insanity?

It is not just about artistically related work. Even in science or maths, new inventions, theories and formulas are found based on love and passion. Without that, what would drive people to the state of obsessiveness in the search for a new breakthrough? People called Einstein and Newton insane just like some who say the line between a genius and a madman is thin. Why else would anyone go through thousand tries to find the light bulb?

Yet look at what that little light bulb has done for mankind.

Depending on your faith, you may or may not believe that the world is the creation of a single being. The world is so much more polluted these days but if you look at how the entire natural system is supposed to work, it truly is the greatest invention of all time. The human body which still is a work of mystery to scientists and doctors is but a simple example. How does anyone think of all these? Love, I tell you if you believe in God and that Man is born out of God's love.

Some people are naturally creative but I never think that the process of creation is easy. An idea may come more easily to one who is more open to creation but the whole process of bringing the idea to its birth and full glory is a tedious, and in many situations, a painful one.

An idea is but an idea. It is in refining that idea that hours are tolled over. It is in the sweat, stress and tears that ideas are completed. Just look at entrepreneurs. The journey of an entrepreneur starts with an idea, goes on to the business plan where the idea is so brutally torn apart sometimes it becomes a different thing altogether. Even when the idea comes to life, it becomes the start of a platform for more ideas, more sweat and more toll.

Sounds tough? Then why do people do it?

Love. Some use the word passion.

It is possible to do it without love. However, if one should actually make money out of what he loves, it eventually comes to a point where one begins to question if he or she can continue without love. Work of creation dies when there isn't enough love to sustain it. Even if the work can still be produced, a certain magic is gone.

That brings me to what people always say about one must love what one does. Yes it possible one doesn't need to, but that passion makes all that difference - the difference between working as a robot and working as a human.

Grand Chef My Food

Haha I cooked at a friend's place the other day and she took some pictures. Made Kimchi Chigae (Kimchi Stew), Pa Jeon (Pancake), Scrambled Eggs with Prawn and Tofu.

White Love Story

Once in a while, the romantic in me wants to listen to a sweet love song so that I may remember how sweet love can be. So there you go, a lovely song with sweet lyrics.

White Love Story
As One
Coffee Prince OST

The Universe Between The Pages

Today, something came to mind as I was reading a book...maybe cos I been reading good books?


"The beauty of a book is in that a story is but a mere chip of the boundless world that resides in the writer's mind; a world where no plane or ship can find its boundaries; a universe where one needs nothing but imagination to sail endless horizons."


Haha does it make sense? I just thought of it when I felt that there are really universes to be found between the pages of a book because every piece of work is a product of a writer's hard work and imagination.

From my readings recently, I have travelled through India, Bali, tasted the best pizza in the world in Italy, walked through the beauty of peaceful Afghanistan, swung a wand and all - all from the comfort of my seat. What would we do without the graces of human imagination and sincere writing?

If anyone actually likes it enough to quote it somewhere else...my pen name is Kismet Eve. Yup if I ever get to publish, this will be my name. (*laughs* give this writer a cookie will you?)

The Definition of Happiness

Last week, I heard of a friend who finally decided to give up him current profession as a doctor to pursue his true love: music.

You may think he's crazy but frankly I envied his guts so I asked him out for coffee to catch up on his leap of faith.

He told me it's not that he didn't like what he's doing or that it was not a noble job. Like many, he had surrendered to the thoughts of not wanting to be frowned upon. Thus, he figured he can do medicine and play music. That would be pretty cool.

Cool he was indeed.

Yet. he always felt he was not being completely honest to himself...that there was something else he had a burning desire to do.

Maybe it's because I hear this so often. Maybe it is because I hear it so often that I intend to write a story on this theme. Or maybe it's because there are questions of my own that I need answering too.

Very often, I hear people telling me that they dreamt of being a singer, artist, writer and everything. Yet, the challenge and reality of these professions have often turned people another way. Thus, I am always intrigued by people who find the courage to do what they want.

He admits it comes with sacrifice. Maybe he won't be rich, famous, won't own a big car, house or much material comfort. However, he decided what he wanted when he literally looked at himself in the mirror one day and told himself "Dude you are not being honest with yourself."

A friend once told me if you don't seek a fancy lifestyle, there are a lot of things you can do. If you can accept not being rich, not owning a house bigger than your neighbour, a car more fancy than your peers, there are a lot more things you can do. Alas, vanity is one sin that is just so difficult for humans to get rid of.

Myself included.

There are many things that people hold dear in their lives. However, I do realise one thing. There is a difference in the way people choose to lead their lives depending on how they view life and what their priorities are. People like this friend have mine will tend to hold happiness with great importance - "The most important thing in life is to be happy."

Now, this will lead us back to the definition of happiness in the first place. Some people associate wealth with happiness, some social acceptance with happiness, some superiority with happiness and so on. With that, people will tend to chart their lives according to the priorities they hold dear. The kind of happiness that my friend in question or those like him are looking for is something that is more closely related to self-actualisation, something a little more intangible. It would not be possible for someone who's very rooted in the practicalities in life to be able to understand his pursuit. Love and great achievement in the arts does call for a little insanity at times.

One of the areas we talked about today was in this area called happiness - a large grey area that everyone wants a piece of and yet no one really knows what it is.

He asked me what I felt happiness was. I told him happiness in pure form is just what it is- a feeling of happiness without the need for something to spring it into existence. No need for pay rise, new car, hot boyfriend and so on to make one feel happy. He says happiness is the result of self management of contentment. In a way, we are talking about the same thing.

He went on to give me an example. If you think about all the times that you were happy, be it as simple as playing your favourite game, it makes you happy because you are in the moment. You ain't thinking about the past or the future. Like some say, why fret over what cannot be changed and worry about what has yet to come? Being in the now gives you the capability to enjoy the moment to its fullest. Enjoying that contentment gives you the room to be happy.

I am sure there are people who will disagree but in a way, I have to agree with him.

Like I said in my last post, there are still less than perfect areas in my life but generally. it doesn't feel that bad and I do feel a certain sense of happiness. Maybe it's because I have learnt to let go of many things like being at peace for being single, learning not to envy or simply loving the present more?

Everybody has different things that make them happy. Not everyone needs such an intangible and seemingly unreachable definition of happiness. However, what I do realise is everyone has a different definition of happiness. I have spent such a long time looking around for what may make me happy instead of looking inside to seek an answer. It is useless to look at someone else's definition and try to seek that as your own if it is not what truly makes you happy.

It is not only important to find happiness; more importantly, it is about finding one that is your own.

The search continues.