Self-everything

Eve has to apologise. She has been spending so much of her writing brain cells on fiction writing that she has not written that many thoughtful entries here.

Recently Eve talked to a couple of friends and found a few things recurring.

Eve has always felt people don't love themselves as much as they should. Perhaps it is due to the fact that we are bred in a culture which respects humility. Self-love may thus be mistaken for an ego trip.

Of course there are such ego trips. Yet, sometimes Eve wonders if we have forgotten to draw the line?

Eve knows many very wonderful women who subject themselves to lousy relationships all in the name of martyrdom for love. Yes it is all very noble. But happy? It is almost like we wear our scars as badges of honor. Why do we think it is okay to be in a relationship that hurts or will hurt? Why do we allow ourselves to live in situations of less than what we may truly deserve? Why do we allow ourselves to accept anything less than what should make us happy?

In Korea, plastic surgery is widely accepted. Eve cannot totally comprehend this. Yes we all love to look good but except in extreme cases, Eve believes in cherishing what God has given you.

Unrelated? Eve begs to differ.

Eve believes it all comes down to a matter of self-perception, self esteem and self-love.

A woman who finds it hard to leave a harmful relationship may have a few reasons. Amongst them is the common "Will I find someone like him again?" even if she is not happy. Yet, if you look deep enough, you will likely find a voice that says "I don't think I can do better. This is as good as what I deserve to get."

Hard to believe? Think again.

Let's turn the tables around. Assume there is someone you really love in this world, be it a sibling, a friend or a partner. Would you want the best for that person? Probably yes. If you saw that person in a nasty situation, would you want him or her to get out of it? Probably yes.

If that is the case, why is it so hard to do so for ourselves? Do we not deserve anything more than true love for ourselves too? And how can one claim to love another or even know what love is if one cannot even learn to love oneself?

We live in a culture where we are made to believe that beauty is equivalent to porcelain skin, an impossibly slim figure, perfect hair and so on. Why do we (including Eve herself) continue to spend so much money on physical enhancements? Social etiquette aside, Eve sees this as an instance where insecurity is at work. The root of such behavior goes deep into an underlying insecurity and fear of not being accepted, not being enough. Eve finds it hard to embrace a culture where people focus so much on achieving perfection that people forget to work on growing the person within.

Talk about perfection.

From young, I am sure everyone has an ideal image of what we hope ourselves to be. As we grow up, that becomes the road map that guides us. Yet all too often, Eve realises that life often has plans of its own, choosing to take the person in another path. That path may well contradict what the person had originally planned. In fact, he or she may find that he or she had changed into the person he or she despised. The result? We blame ourselves and bash ourselves up thinking "Why did I do that?", "What kind of a person have I become?" and "I hate myself."

Eve is not saying we should not keep ourselves in check. We should!

However, there are times whereby one has to realise there may be a difference between what one wants and what one is able to have. The same goes for the person we wanna be versus the person we really are. Sometimes, maybe all we need is to accept that person and life will open its doors in miraculous ways that would not have happened if one had not allowed it to happen.

All we need is love...not for just other people, but ourselves too.