The New and Not-So-New Dating Game

I met up with my Sex and The City bunch the other day and I tell you, our conversations resemble episodes out of the series more and more. We talk about work, men or the lack of it, marriage and gasp, kids. Is it us growing old or what? Coming from the one who always touches the new age band first amongst us, I can tell you: Yes we are growing older.

Having stayed out of the dating game, I got my feeds of the modern dating game from a girlfriend who has had other friends that have been most enthusiastic about setting her up. "Apparently I give people the vibe that I want a boyfriend. People are just setting me up!" She exclaims.

Well, I wonder why when it's really not hard to forget the "I want a boyfriend" statement made about five minutes before that comment *LAUGHS*

We all know that after the first date, one should always make the follow up call a little later. The key is to appear interested, but not overly-interested. Read: interested, not desperate.

Apparently, now there is a socially acceptable timeframe to call someone. It's always been there but this has taken on a new level of scientific refinement. I always just thought it was a rule of thumb but now it has come down to:

Calling immediately: DESPERATE

Calling 3 days after: OK, QUITE INTERESTED. IDEAL.

Calling 1 week after: HMM MAY BE INTERESTED

Calling 2 weeks after or not calling: HE THINKS YOU ARE A COW.

Fill in the in betweens yourself according to the gauge of interest as marked by the milestones. Er, to the person who made this comment, please correct me if I am wrong. We call this THE SOCIAL WINDOW.

My goodness. And you ask me why I can't really be bothered with dating.

The truth is, I would like to meet someone nice but I can't seem to find the energy for the dating game. I can't enjoy it like my girlfriend does. Besides, I am actually pretty grateful for the opportunity to focus on the loves that I have finally found in my life. I guess God also knows I don't really want to date now so he's keeping the right person at bay. Not too bad an idea actually. Just like the 14-year-old violinist who aced 13 subjects AND violin, she wants to focus on her violin which makes her happy. I would like to do the same as I already have a lot of loves that need me.

That being said, I would still like to meet someone nice when the time is right.

I was recently watching an anime and drama and it made me understand a little about why women go for successful men. Material comforts aside, there is something inherently sexy about a man who is capable and focused on his betterment. That gives the woman a man to look up to and trust.

There's a popular saying that behind every successful man is a woman. I think of it as a woman wants a man whose success she can be a part of. She wants to be the one to share his dream and work with him to lift him to achieve those dreams. A man who has those dreams gives the woman a chance to be part of that exciting venture even as she is chasing her own. Like what a girlfriend of mine says, "No matter how strong I am, I want a man I can lean on and be a xiao nu ren at times."

The story in the drama was a about a musical genius whose dream was to be a successful conductor. He meets this girl who is a piano prodigy whose talent has yet to be developed. As I watched her admire him (literally from behind his back) while he was conducting, I felt the moment where a woman can claim her pride of her man.

I am sure the feminists will hang me for this but trust me: Even for someone like myself who believes in being your own woman, there is something about the feeling of "Ah this is my man, not yours." Man have their feeling of conquest for women, so do women. Women are proud of being with a successful man just as men are proud of bagging a beautiful woman.

Of course, the measures of success aren't always material. Like the character in the story, it was the man's talent and passion for what he loves that instills pride within her. Whilst material success is often used as a benchmark for success, gentlemen should always look at your women carefully and see what really moves her. You might be surprised.

There's something else I notice about the dating game as you get older. When you are young, you fall down and you get up easily. Yes, you may wail and all but it just seems so much easier to get up and not to mention that your wounds heal a lot faster. However, as time passes, wounds take longer to heal. I don't mean just the physical ones. Even the emotional ones take a longer time. It almost seems like the rate of recovery for emotional wounds parallel that of the physical ones.

I remember when we were younger, people got together and broke more often and more eaily than they do now. As age grew, we began to think more, consider more and fear more. A child may not be afraid of jumping into a puddle but the adult will think "Ah I will get wet." We grow more wary of putting ourselves where we could be hurt, be it physically or emotionally. When the inevitable of pain arises, we take that much longer to walk out of it. What used to take months now take years. Sometimes, they never quite go away because they take residence as scars that add more to the consideration process for the next one to come. Maybe this is why we grow more picky as we get older. It's not only about knowing more clearly what you want but also what you don't want. As a result, things get "complicated".

Sometimes, it is that little spirit of fearlessness and adventure that I miss. It was just much simpler and easier.