It Must Have Been Love

The thing about spring cleaning is sometimes you end up finding things from the past, things you have forgotten.

I came across a letter I wrote in 2003 to the one I loved then. I always seem to have a letter for each of the loves I said goodbye to or they said farewell to me. I found this one, still crisp and unsent as the day I wrote it.

With no more of past ghosts to haunt me, I opened the letter and read it. It had been so long that the glue had even turned yellow. Yet, the paper was still fresh and the words still clear. As I read line after line, long forgotten memories came back to mind.

I must have really loved him then.

As human beings, we always ask "What is Love?" It seems like an endless pursuit for human beings to understand this mystery. Just when you thought you found the answer, love seeks to prove you wrong. It runs and yet shows itself for you to seek. When found, it runs again, too shy for you to strip it naked and be understood.

I believe that the journey is a neverending one. It is a journey where the destination does not matter because at every point you would have found an answer and that was all that really mattered.

At every age and in every relationship, we look at, deal with and understand love in a different way. The difference may be slight or vast depending on your own personal history. Yet, I believe that whatever definition of love one had at any point is as true as any other one at any other one time.

Some people look back and say "I didn't know love then."

My question would be "When will you ever know?"

If it felt like love then, like Roxette sings - It must have been love. Don't deny the feeling then if it was true. It would be unfair to yourself and your memory. Embrace and let go.

As we grow up, our views change and so do our visions of love. When I read that letter, I revisited my notion of love then and no doubt understood the folly and the reason why it had to end.

However, at the end, this is what I felt.

I must have really loved him then.