My life - the next million dollar story? *Laughs*

Ah no long column like post today...maybe still long but today its all about myself..so ego ha :) and to the people who care :)

The other day, I commented to a friend that I wanted to watch "Everlasting Regret". Even the name sounds tragic so I said it must be some tragic love story. He said "Aiyah no need to watch la, I see it daily! Just look at you enough already. Actually it's more stupid." I just smiled. He also suggested I should just write my story into a play or dance show instead since dance is a part of my life. Frankly I found it quite funny and if this were three years ago, I would have never expected this friend to care. And if you ever read this, thank you, I truly appreciate it.

A lot has happened over the last 3 years. Sometimes I still am like few years ago.. my friend joked I am still like a little girl and act like one. Sometimes I am blur like crazy. But there are times when age shows and seriousness sets in. Sometimes I think I get too serious and scare people especially if it comes to work or I had a bad day. To those who have seen this, please don't take offence. I show black face because I don't like to lie to myself but I keep quiet because I don't want to take my anger out on anyone. Just let me be, be happy and I'll let the sun come out over the dark clouds soon. When I am unhappy, I like to see people happy or find happiness because this shows there is hope in the world and it helps me to feel calm. The other day, I read my overseas friend writing in his blog that he found the reason to love. I was happy to read that. If I can't be the actor in the play, then I am happy to be part of the audience, to watch the world from a third party eye.

I don't like to lie to myself. I don't like to lie to others either. So people, if I tell you something, even about how I feel about things, it is often more than not, true..even if it doesn't look the case. Yes sometimes I act very stupid but truth is often I know what is the truth, what is the right thing to do and what's the thing to do, all inside. Thus, if I keep quiet, it's probably because I already know but am not ready to talk. Silence is my way of saying thank you for all your love and concern because I don't want to fight.

But if I do talk, trust that it is probably the truth because if there's a part of me that doesn't concur, I would probably know and tell you as well. Best not to assume that normal necessarily means I have to be cos I think in many things, I have chosen a different path than normal. And to those in the know, I say this again.. It was never never never ever about the girls, but what was the situation. This has been, still is and will always be my stand..from inside. I always knew the reason but guess no one could give me enough faith to believe it..even the most important person who had to but couldn't.

This goes out to a good friend ...there are many times you are with me and times when I know my seemingly stupid behaviour frustrates you to no end. Because we are all deep caring people, I want and hope you find great happiness that not because you had to be someone else to get it but because YOU truly deserve it. There are times I want to say something, things that you will or probably have told me in reverse but again silence is my gift of friendship to you..because I want to believe in your decision and the path you have chosen. Just know that if that path doesn't work, I will not judge and will be there as your friend.

To all the people who care..for all the advice, all the scoldings, all the kind words, and sometimes most importantly, knowing when to give silence..in every area of my life...thank you..truly.