Eve Notebook - Curry Favor

My friends have discovered my new zealousness in taking pictures of my food. Can't help it, the notebook is starving for pictures :P

I have never been good at spicy food so it comes as little surprise that I started liking Japanese curry. To all spice fans out, yes I am an absolute whim in this department. I was absolutely curious about trying a well known Japanese curry joint, Curry Favor.

Anyone who's looking for a traditional looking Japanese restaurant would be pleasantly disappointed. Curry Favor is decorated with deeps hues of purple which lends a quiet, relaxing atmosphere to the otherwise traditional European looking exterior. Handdrawn pictures adorn the walls, creating a casual yet artistic look. Soft jazz playing in the background completes this place as an oasis in busy town area.

We got there for lunch late so that might explain the quiet state of the restaurant. However, I hear it can be packed to the brim for dinner.

In terms of menu selection, what can one expect from a curry restaurant? Curry and more curry of course. What makes this place wonderful is they have many types of curry dishes such as tofu curry, beef stewed curry as opposed to the standard chicken, tempura stuff you find elsewhere.

I had the limited edition Seafood curry. No it's not some special curry sauce hidden in some obscure cupboard. It's considered a chef special as only limited quantities are made everyday. What we found amusing was when they wrote "prawns and scallops included", they really meant what they said as there was only prawn and scallop in the curry.

The rice was yummy. I always loved Japanese rice because it's so soft and chewy. The curry itself was slightly more watery compared to the thick curry my friends had but it was still thick enough for pleasure. In terms of taste, the curry was nice though it lacked excitement. The prawns and scallop were firm yet lacked a certain X factor.

Curry Favor is jointly opened with a western cafe, Moon river Cafe. Noteworthy was the ice blended mango that was thick and smooth.

Prices were higher than average for curry but it would make a comfortable place for casual lunch with friends in busy town area.

Happiness

How would one define happiness? What does being happy mean to oneself?

Some say buying their dream home, some say owning their dream car, some say dream man/woman and the list goes on and on. After all, greed and discontentment is one of the inherent weaknesses of a human being.

I remember writing about the topic of happiness sometime back where we all attach something to happiness. We can only be happy if we have x, own y or have x and y. Can happiness really be summarised into an equation where if you have all the elements, the end potion will be happiness? Can happiness be bottled? I am not talking about stimulants!

I remember reading somewhere that as humans we put too much attachment to happiness such that we actually need to fulfil conditions before happiness comes upon us. Thus, to me, true happiness is happiness that exists in pure form- no conditions, no tag and no equations. Happiness is just what it is. You simply feel happy even with nothing. However, this state of happiness is so nirvana and unattainable, it's almost impossible to find. Almost.

I had a small dose of happiness this morning which came with its own attachment - my first foray into painting again. It's truly satisfying when you get your sketches the way you want it, find a suitable blend of colours and produce the effect you want. I soon found myself humming to the music I was listening to. For those few hours, it just felt like time and space stopped. With no examinations hanging over my head, painting has truly become a happy and relaxing experience.

On a totally irrelevant note, are there times when you feel like you are a totally different person around different people?

Eve Notebook - IlLido

I had one of my most relaxing Sundays in a while yesterday. After spending an entire day swimming, floating, baking in mud and indulging in girly gossip, my gals and me were totally ready for a good dinner.

We decided to try out the new swanky restaurant, IlLido, at Sentosa Golf Club.

IlLido is based on a Italian restaurant, lounge and bar concept. Any restaurant which uses phillipe starck chairs would definitely be considered extravagant. The overall design of the place employed a modern, clean concept with a variation of bright colours contrasted against dark walls, creating a modern, sexy feel.

We had antipasti ranging from aged parma ham, scallops, calamari and soup. The seafood soup was a surprise winner and a favourite amongst the ladies. We had a variation of pastas for main courses along with grilled sea bass. The linguine with lobster in tomato sauce was yummy while my rucola papardelle looked just like a plate of leaves. Dessert was warm chocolate cake, tiramisu, and vanilla creme brulee. The desserts pale by comparison as the chocolate cake could have been more warm and the tiramisu could have been richer. Wine of the day was a 2004 St Hallet Riesling. An extremely light wine that complimented our food quite well without overpowering the tastes of the food.

Overall, food was average but bonus points go to the ambience. We had chose a table outside facing the sea and if one is early enough, one would be able to catch the sunset. The music however, was often erratic and did no justice to the ambience of the place. What was truly relaxing was the occasional sea breeze which gives one the feeling that he or she is not in Singapore but some exotic beach resort.

Overall, a swanky restaurant with a great view and a hefty price tag. Throw in good company (I had good company) and it would be a pretty great experience.

Mr & Mrs Smith

I love this movie. I could watch it over and over and laugh over it so trust my happiness when I got the unrated version of the movie.

My favourite parts of the movie:

The part they absolutely wreck the house, smash everything they've built up and ever known to climax (no pun intended) into fabulous hungry erm procreation? Gives new definition to the morning after.

I have asked a couple of women and they all claim they would like the end result without the smashing bit, too expensive perhaps? I even read about a woman who was so inspired by this scene her boyfriend and her tried to re-create the scene. Well he tore her designer dress, she burst into tears and the rest is well, history. Operation: Failed. The guy ended up sewing her dress for the next few days.

The other part I always found funny was the part where they were escaping from the enemies and Brad Pitt hummed along to "Making Love Out of Nothing At All." Absolutely classic.

On a more serious note, this conversation:

"At least apart, we know what the odds are. Let's just call this what it is and what it isn't."

"All right. So it's a crap marriage. All right, I''m a mess and you're a disaster.We're both liars. But you run, you'll always be running. I say we stay and fight. We finish this thing. Then, if you wanna go, you can go. Oh, thank you. What? "Let's call this what it is"? Jesus Christ."

I thought this was a pretty meaningful conversation. Love the part about if you run, you'll always be running. That's something a lot of us do isn't it?

Experimental

People have different definitions of being "experimental". Some link it to work, some to food, some to love and even sex.

I recently or perhaps not so recently discovered a greater desire to be more experimental in everything.

For example, many friends would know that I have not taken meat for a long time. In my last trip to Bali, I took all kinds of meat. In an age where everyone is getting their driver's license, I am taking my bike license. Instead of staying in the comfort of home, I went to take classes that resulted in broken toenails and bruises on my knees. The list of things I have done for myself have grown and will continue to grow.

Why? Some may ask.

The reasons are many. Some was inspired by another, some was to fulfil a longtime desire and more importantly, it was the discovery of wanting to try all kinds of different things to experience the many facets of life.

Well bruises aside, I like this feeling of doing the things you always thought of trying but just never got round to. The sense of embarkment and excitement of execution is natural adrenaline. I wanted to experience my travels more, taste, see, touch and feel more than ever.

I enjoy my food more now.I pay more attention to the way it's prepared. I pay more attention to my wines and cigars and learnt more in the process. I could say more of "ah so this is what it's like" than I did in the past.

Isn't life interesting? I love it.

Eve Notebook - Kiss in Paris

Le Baiser de l'Hotel de Ville, Paris, 1950

A Límparfait De Lóbjectif
by Robert Doisneau
6- 29 June 2006
Alliance Francaise

I had first found this photo by chance at a gallery in JB while looking for photos to stick onto my bare walls. I loved it immediately for the sense of romanticism portrayed in a busy city. It was only a few weeks ago that I learnt this was a famous photograph taken by one of France's well loved photographers, Robert Doisneau (1912-1994). He was well known for taking pictures of normal people doing everyday tasks in the city, streets and sidewalks.

I had to go see the original composition when it came to be exhibited at the Alliance Francaise. I love his work for the warmth and simplicity of everyday life captured in his pictures that are taken with a warm black/white/sepia tone with a dosage of humour and humanity. It feels like his pictures are talking to you and you just can't help but smile. There was little glamour or posed beauty. Everything was simple but absolutely heartwarming to look at.

Go have a look if you can still catch it

Eve Notebook - Early Works

I found the few paintings that I actually kept from long ago. My still life painting was and is still terrible *laughs*

All have been painted using acrylics on textured paper...canvas paper I think..can't remember..

Eve Notebook - Italian!

I always thought I would be more Parisian but looks like I am Italian through and through!

Your Inner European is Italian!

Passionate and colorful. You show the world what culture really is.

Who's Your Inner European?

You Belong in Milan

Stylish and sophisticated, you want to enjoy a truly European life - away from tourists! Milan fits you perfectly. Great shopping, high quality food, lots of culture... with very little hype.

What European City Do You Belong In?

Eve Notebook Comes Home

To make things easier, I decided to shift The Eve Notebook here as well so I only need to update one place. Only difference is I will make special notes on the entry names to show there are meant to be in the Notebook collection :)

The First Step

I always loved travelling. I just don't do enough of it. Having a travel journal where I can record pictures, experiences and thoughts of my travels have always been a little dream. Well, this is the first step to realising that dream. Besides travel writing, The Eve Notebook, was created for the loves in my life that I had neglected for a long time. That would be art, music, writing, dance and you get the idea. Yes, all in all, this was created to fulfill the desire of making my little dreams a reality. This is the first step. May there be many more progressive ones to come.

A picture to mark the first step! My leap of faith by sitting out on the great wall at Simatai. I assure you any slip up and I will make good minced meat.

26 Candles

Nope it’s not time yet but the festivities have already started. I have puked the third time of my life…kinda guessed I won’t b able to escape it. I had hoped to write this nearer to the day itself but well like I say, the festivities have started. This must be my longest post in a while.

Ok it’s an annual post after all so I shall be a little more somber. *reader must be thinking “even more than usual????”. Too bad, my royal pre indulgence once a year…maybe there will be a post one. Go read the notebook instead for light things. I will be writing about my last trip soon!

It is during this time I feel the height of love from those who care. I truly appreciate how friends would take time out to celebrate and spend time with me…how they would go out of their way to make me happy…how they would put up with my willful requests...it’s very touching when I think about it.

Let’s talk about birthdays.

Birthdays are days that people look forward to but for me, it’s become a day to receive and yet run away from…an anniversary of sorts. It’s become a period of very extreme mixed feelings for me.

I think ever since my last birthday, it’s become more than ever, a time to reflect how I have progressed from year to year and to remember the important lesson of being truly who I am…to appreciate life for the lessons I receive and yet decide on the path I believe to be me and no one else.

I thank life and a particular friend for giving me a birthday last year that I probably will never forget this lifetime. I thank him for making me understand another side of life and people and how I came to see the importance of making decisions with open eyes and to see all kinds of things to reach an informed decision in the end.

The price of this lesson was the weight that would come along with this day every year.

I believe this weight will decrease over the years. I think some people will think I really liked my birthday last year. The truth is, I appreciate the exposure I received but there are things that make this day a very heavy day for me to remember and receive. If there was an event to mark the climax of the happiness and heartache of last year, that will be it. I love birthdays but a part of me hated this day ever since.

In the past, I would have planned to go crazy during this time. Now, I would simply love simplicity and quiet during this time…to spend time with family and close ones in very simple activities. As the day came nearer, more and more I wanted to experience peace and quiet. I think as we grow older, this feeling grows. You start to really appreciate the people who really matter and the simple things that make you happy.

I had planned to leave the country for this period of time but alas it was not to be done. Thus, I have planned very simple things for myself…simple things that I enjoy.

Above all people, I wanted to spend it with my parents…my mother whom I had spent many years defying and perhaps more importantly my father, of whom I love and care deeply about but would never find the words to express to him so. A couple of friends know that my father, though well and alive, will always be a point of heartache to me. I have friends who lost their fathers and I guess I really should think harder treasuring my father who is still alive.

That brings me to people in your life. There are some people in life that you may care so deeply about and yet have so much difficulty showing it. My father is one such person. You can feel his care and yet he shows it in such a way that makes it hard for you to reciprocate nicely. I think we have fought too much to untangle the knots that have resulted. A lot of things are thus left unspoken. I guess we found a certain balance in the silence. Maybe I am just like him in this sense… we have too much pride.

There are times I would just like to sit down beside him and do nothing but simply be in an atmosphere that I would feel that we do not need to put up a wall between each other. I just want to experience peace between two people that is perhaps hard to find in everyday life.

In my ridiculous state last night, I had a few minutes of extreme sobriety that I experienced this feeling but it was not to be done as well. This was my only most true self moment of the night. I know because I was very clear at that moment. I could still be conscious enough to joke the whole night but this was the time I knew what I truly wanted. More than love, all I wanted was just peace and quiet with no pretense or defense. I wonder how many people understand how precious peace and silence can be. I don’t think we ever got round to that and I don’t think the opportunity will come again where we will both be completely defenseless thus this wish may never be fulfilled.

Let’s talk about love.

I think I vaguely remember someone asking me “Do I __fill in the blanks___?” Inspired by a song I heard last night, my answer is I gave it to the wind so that it will take everything away…slowly but surely. It’s not mine to have anymore and neither does it deserve me anymore unless it mends. I care but I do not wish to bear the weight of it on anyone including myself. In God I trust that when He granted my wish for the capacity to love, He would find me the right people for me to. I can feel it in my bones you may call it. Whatever life brings, it will be. I took a long time to get here. Don’t ask me why it took this long because I have no answer. I have found consolation in my renewed desire to take care of myself and that’s all I would like to think about.

However, I learnt there are many things that one can mistake for love but it’s far from it. Sometimes it’s compassion, sometimes it’s attachment and sometimes it’s just plain confusion. I think it is in the greatest depths we know what’s real and what’s not.

Someone said I was a closet ______. I actually hate people to touch me unless they are people I am very close to or comfortable with letting them touch me. There are even close friends that I would prefer them not to touch me. How do you possibly categorize someone like that as a closet ________?

Talk about wishes. I was asked what my birthday wish was. It’s really cliché stuff…the usual more money, better love, better health and greater happiness etc. It was stuff I wish for everyday anyway so it really makes little difference.

I still have 4 years before I reach my first milestone of 30 and may I realize some of my dreams by then and no they do not have anything to do with finding a man. Going forward, some of the questions that have been bugging me have found their answers and I shall come to a decision soon. The picture ahead is showing itself slowly and it will be a beautiful one.

Talk about beautiful pictures…My current song of the moment…I used to hate it but the other day I heard this song and suddenly I saw visions of my wedding… am far from wanting to get married but it was beautiful indeed not to mention expensive to execute *laughs*. How do you know it’s a vision? I didn’t see the groom’s face so no need to expect any invitations from me for now. Maybe it’s a good sign of things to come? *laughs*


Kissing You
Des’ree

I can stand a thousand trials
The strong will never fall
But watching stars without you
My soul cries

Heaving heart is full of pain
Oh, oh the aching

‘Cos I’m kissing you
I’m kissing you oh

Touch me dear
Pure and true
Give to me forever

‘Cos I’m kissing you
I’m kissing you oh

Hanging By A Line

I missed most of the final match! I missed how Italy and France came to a 1-1 standstill that stretched into overtime...oh gosh...but at least I caught overtime and currently, penalty shootout.

It is certainly interesting to see how serious and tense it is for the players in the shootout, particularly the goalkeepers. One can almost see the look that says "This is my moment in history, my entire career rests on this". Isn't it interesting to see how a game for a ball can turn into such an important moment that brings out such sense of significance in grown men?

Oh well Italy wins..personally I was going more for France though I had kinda expected Italy to win. It was a perfect moment to see the height of ecstasy versus the height of disappointment.

After a conversation with a friend today, I became convinced that one will only hear and believe the things they want to. This friend had spoken to some people involved in my life and had come to me to ask for my opinion and side of the story. She asked me questions and possible opinions that these people had and how I looked at it. She began to understand why I did certain things when I took the time to explain.

I do not disagree with some of them. I agree and understand why but I also realised that sometimes you simply cannot enforce personal values on people be it someone trying to win you over to their side or you making them see your point.

I admit, I am not an easy person to understand if you don't really try to. To this, I am trying to reduce the complexity but I am slow in these things because much of my change lasts a long time. I only change for the things I am able to accept. This is something which I think some people in my life need to understand.

I do not believe in bending with the wind. I believe one should hold strongly to their beliefs and preferences unless they come with a strong argument to change. At times, I am willing to try things that are so fundamentally different because I want to try and give myself the chance to make an informed decision. In order to understand this, one will need to understand this: I do not operate by fear of death. I operate by the desire to leave no room for the possibility that I never lived.

This was in a way, a gift from the last relationship reinforced by a recent health scare that set me thinking a little harder about the cliché'question: What would you do if you had one day to live?

"Living" has many definitions. Some people think to smoke, drink and be merry is happiness. I do not disagree. However, in my books, it's only a small part of living. Living to me, was to experience the many things that life has to offer and serve humanity. I had tried new things on my recent trip and am glad I did. This trip, amongst other trips and things, reinforced my desire to try all kinds of things. If you really understand this, you will understand many of the decisions I have made.

Maybe it's a bad habit. I have grown to dislike explaining or should I say to people who cannot be bothered to listen. If you do not look beyond your intitial judgements, you will never see it. Well sorry for being complex, I am working on it. This includes people who may be very close to me. Maybe I am slow but to the people who have bothered to listen, they have almost always gone "Ohhhh..so that's why" and in a particular situation, almost always "So sayang" or "What a waste" or "What was the problem?".

Well, looking at it from another way, if it was something so great that could turn so bad over something so small, it was simply not meant to be at that time, sad as it may be. Everything has its time and place and sometimes you just have to accept bad timing.

I was offered a Matrix situation: Blue pill or red pill?. In other words, it was a significant decision to take. I have not decided. Fear? Perhaps. Maybe someday I will decide. A different coloured pill perhaps? After all, life is full of choices isn't it?

Enlightened Millionaire

Before I say meaningful things...Brandon Routh aka Superman is so gorgeous isn't he? Such nice deep eyes. Truth be told, nothing to do with racism and all, but I am just not attracted to Caucasian men. There's nothing wrong with them, they're just not my type. But Brandon Routh is so gorgeous..I think it's the eyes!

The other day I had a conversation with a friend. We were talking about having so much money we can help friends in need or the needy in society without blinking. I remember Robert Allen saying one should build wealth upon the betterment of others' lives.

My friend (always a source of inspiration for my writing) shared a story with me about Gates foundation. As you know, Warren Buffet donated a staggered US$60 billion to the Gates Foundation. One may think that of all people, why donate the money to possibly the richest man on Earth?? Well a lot of people seem to notice so much of the bad press about Microsoft that they forget Gates Foundation is also one of the most generous charity foundations around.

There was a particular school in the U.S. that was funded by the Gates Foundation. There were no textbooks or exams. Everything was pc and web based and grades were given based on projects. The school produced many Ivy League graduates with great sense of creativity.

I thought it was a smart move. From a business angle, the company trains possible talent for the company in future (intellectual resource is so valuable these days). Resources used are the company's core competencies (pc, web and of course office) thus costs are minimised. This move has achieved good business objectives while contributing to society.

Perhaps this is what Robert meant by enlightened millionairedom. It kinda gave me a greater understanding of the kind of business I would like to have one day and perhaps more importantly, the kind of person I would like to be. I guess life always finds a way to give you an answer just when you need it at a time when you least expect it.

Cheers to living, realising your dreams and that of many others along the way!

Waves

I stole this! *sshhhhh*

I Love Mornings

I never quite used to be a morning person. I was a living owl. Years of notorious nightlife in university had honed me to be one.

But I love mornings now *smile*

Despite the mess at home, somehow very nice light comes into the house in the mornings. All is quiet and peaceful and one can easily settle down to reading and working. Throw in nice perky music from Bistro Blue (inspiration for my dream :P) and ahhhh hello wonderland! All I need is the piping hot breakfast and I am quite set.

Most people think what a drag it is to wake up at 7 am. Well it is if you sleep late. When you do get some sleep the night before, waking at 7am is actually a wonderful feeling. You have more of the day to live, more time to do the things you want and the air is just much nicer. I used to tell my mum I love the air back home in Port Dickson in the morning because it was so so much fresher. It's not as good here but still better than the rest of the day. You simply don't get that kind of air once the world starts moving.

Try waking up earlier and if you already do, try something else instead of complaining and lamenting the hour. Try taking a deep breath of the air outside and feel the beauty of morning :)

The One

"The One".

No I am not talking about another Jet Lee attempt at Hollywood.

I am talking about the favourite word that many men and women use for finding the right partner in life. It is sought so after and yet so elusive and uncertain it is akin to finding the Holy Grail in dating.

When we meet someone, we ask ourselves could he or she be The One? When things don't work out, we comfort ourselves by saying he or she wasn't The One. We believe, when we find The One, all the nasty things and problems we had with the previous ones will disappear. The One is the one we will marry and live happily after with. The One has become our excuse for everything that could be right or wrong and sometimes, the excuse for us to be lazy in our efforts to make something work.

Oh please do not be mistaken. I believe The One exists somewhere out there. Somewhere beneath the rose line and starry skies perhaps? No I am not talking about a dead body. But why do we attach such a halo to The One?

If finding The One was a cure all solution, why are there so many divorce cases? If finding the right person to marry was it, why are there so many failed marriages that are no different from being divorced?

People change. The clothes we wear have changed along with it. The things we like, use, wear, eat, drink and pretty much everything else changes as well. So why is it, we believe in the existence of The One which is like a classic pair of jeans that is supposed to stay right through all seasons of fashion, fad or not?

We often have a mental picture or list of what The One should be like. Yet. many end up with people completely different from what they expected. Sometimes, we may want things different from what we thought we wanted. It's also about chemistry. I may place the person who has everything you want in front of you and you'd not find yourself to love him or her. According to doctors, falling in love is a sickness and indeed it is. It makes us do things we never thought we will or could.

Perhaps it was too much When Harry Met Sally so people got too Sleepless in Seattle thinking where art thou love? In movies, the two main characters have a fateful meeting, go through tumultous times and in the end spend the rest of their lives happily together. What they do not show is the routine that comes after and the grind of daily living that grinds the relationship paper thin. To me, that's when the challenge of love starts as you fight over money, keeping the house clean, laundry habits and not when the world is still a nice pinky hue in your lover's eyes. Love and The One are seriously over glamourised in our imagination. Perhaps that is why we sometimes have unrealistic expectations?

With regards to The One, I like what a friend once told me. He was getting to his girlfriend of six years and he was doing so willingly (Read: Not forced to by some overly emotional outburst of life threats to get married). He told me there were many times they nearly gave up over serious fights but six years later, he is glad she is still in his life. He understood that even if he may meet someone more attractive and perhaps better, she was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. I was thoroughly impressed.

Do I believe in The One? I don't really know how people can stay together happy for the rest of their lives. Those who do, probably work at it. Like a friend said, happiness needs work too. I do however, believe in finding not the perfect person, but the imperfect person who is perfect for you. After that, it's all about responsibility, commitment and of course, above all...love.

The Eve Notebook

Eve is starting another page soon! :)

Today, as I was swimming, very nice feelings came to me of the things I would like to do in this life. I also thought about some of the things that I had loved doing and stopped doing many years ago. I cherish my life a little more these days and would like to do the things I love to do while I am still here.

Many of you might have heard I like to write and travel and would love to have my own travel journal one day. Well I am not waiting anymore. Despite my small amount of travelling, I am going to start writing and all of it will go to the other page, The Eve NoteBook.

Some of you who have known me for a long time should know I took art at one point of my life and was pretty willing to sacrifice all other homework to do it. Well, I am going back to it again for the love of it. I might post some stuff on the notebook site as well if it's not too embarrassing hee.

Well, watch this space...will take a while but the notebook will be up soon :)

Little Ball

What is it about a whole bunch of men chasing after a ball on the field that grips the world and stops it at its pace every four years? If they had it every year, it would disastrous for the economy. Millions of people and the world comes to a standstill every time World Cup comes round.

Trust me, for many years, this was a bewildering question to me.

Some time back, my gal friend asked me to watch a match with her. I went along out of curiousity. It was actually quite interesting! I would love to know more about the rules. So there is something fun about a whole bunch of men running after a little ball.

So this year, I cheered when England scored (though it was actually an own goal from Paraguay). I ooohed when England came so close to scoring so many times. I aaahhed for the excellent display of skills for Paraguay goalkeeper that basically kept England's attacks in check.

So perhaps next time, I do not have to feel frustrated if my man chooses football over me or try to seduce him away from the television? Instead, I will be there cheering with you honey, and God bless we are not supporting opposing teams :P

P.S.: It's currently 3.17 am and Argentina has not scored a single goal against Ivory Coast 18 minutes into the game...

A Little Story

Alaska asked her good friend, Jo, "When was the last time you saw me happy?"

Jo hesitated. Then he replied "As much as I hate to say this, though we all knew Michael was leading you on, you really seemed happy then. That was the last time I saw you happy."

"That was 3 years ago." Alaska whispered.

"Yes."

When she heard Jo's reply, she couldn't help but feel a sense of irony. What had started the chain of painful days to come was the last thing that made her felt happy. In Alaska's mind, there was a more recent memory but it was not of importance to remember now because it was similar. It was a sense of bittersweet approval that Jo gave to Michael.

Jo knew. There was nothing further that needed to be said because Jo knew Alaska knew all the things she had to know.

Alaska looked into the mirror. She had aged. Life had taken its toll on her. What didn't show in the mirror was carved deeply inside her. She found that often living itself required so much of her that she sometimes suspected a part of subconscious self didn't want to continue anymore.

Alaska fought for the will to live. Hope for a better tomorrow had been her salvation all this time yet that tomorrow seemed far away. Everytime life gave Alaska a small gift of salvation, it took it away from her with greater intensity. Alaska always knew about picking herself up. It was what she always knew, always will and always had to do. She knew she had much to thank for and yet sometimes she wonders why she had to keep picking herself and go. Why can't she just go? Telling herself to live for a better tomorrow was slowly becoming a weary cause.

The phone rang. When Alaska put it down, she went quiet.

Joseph asked "What happened?"

"Like I told you, it's like a curse. Everytime I make something, I lose a part of it. Nothing really stays. It's like a roller coaster ride."

A tear fell.

"I'm tired, Jo. I really am. If God is there, why isn't He listening? I always believe He's there but sometimes I really just wanna ask why even if Iknow I shouldn't. When will this ever end?"

Alaska sobbed.

"I'm tired Jo"

"I know Alaska, I know."

Game vs Sincerity

I like this quote so much I will dedicate one entry to it.

"A game is what you play to win; Sincerity holds a whole different court - you don't play to win, you just feel compelled to put your best foot forward."

To me sincerity can also be flawed, hidden and even forgotten but still a very thoughtful quote nonetheless.

@-;--

Hello Stranger

Hello Stranger
Have I met you before?
Have I seen that smile somewhere?
It looks like a smile I've loved so long ago

Hello Stranger
Have I met those eyes somewhere?
The glitter in your window
That no longer lights for me

Hello Stranger
I seemed to have known you for a lifetime
I seem to know you so well
The someone I do not know at all

Hello Stranger
You walk right past me
You look right through me
Like you never knew but you always know

Hello Stranger
We are but an arm's apart
We share the same air the same time
Yet our space is worlds apart

Hello Stranger
I know you so well
I always did and yet never will
The stranger I know so well

Adapted from one of my favourite songs :) Sudden burst of inspiration :)

@-;--

Ge Ge

For those of you who had been reading, you might be able to remember a previous entry about my father. Today, I would like to write about my brothers.

One of the best books I ever read about love and relationships was introduced to me by someone I held dearly. It's called "The Five Languages of Love" by Gary Chapman. I have recommended this book to many and actually helped saved a relationship in the process :P

In the book, it says we all have different ways of receiving and giving love. I realise this was not only characteristic of the romantic love between two persons but also between family and friends. Today, the focus is on family thus family it is.

My family has always been quite traditional. We do not talk about our problems or show our emotions very much. When I was young, I used to think maybe my brothers don't care about me. It was many years later that I realised their way of showing love was not by words of assurance or physical affection but by acts of service instead. They showed me by seeing me through university, sending me home quietly and reprimanding me when needed.

Today I felt a great warmth and happiness. I had shared with my eldest brother something that happened recently. At first, he did not show much reaction. However, later in the day, he contacted me a few times to ask how I was and showed concern. Turns out he has asked around for people who could advise us on what to do and he offered financial help if I needed any. The part that really touched me was when he showed concern for me in the small details and asked me to take care.

People, this may not sound much to you, but to me, it was a first.

My family has never been the perfect picture of family harmony and togetherness. Over the years, the siblings have learnt to grow closer. With this little episode today, it was the first time in my life I truly felt happy to have my family even if it was not picture perfect. In a way, it was the first time that I truly experienced the feeling of family.

It's a nice feeling :)

@-;--
I am worried about you too...

Morning lesson

I would like to share something I realised this morning.

No matter what religion you may believe in.

No matter how many lives you believe you may go through.

This one, and just THIS ONE, you will only live through it ONCE.

You will never come by another one exactly the same.

You will never remember when it's gone.

THIS ONE life, you live it only ONCE.

Purpose

Some time back, two guys asked me over teh "What is your purpose in life?"

Wow big question for teh late at night or more like early in the morning.

Strangely, my answer was "Never thought about it."

Well, the truth was a little further. It was not that I never thought about it. I thought a lot about it. I just never quite found the answer.

I think the answer had presented itself to me often. I just wasn't sure. I learnt that everyone had a purpose here. I often told my friends that one day I believe I will spend my life serving humanity for a humanitarian or religious reason. I do think my purpose has to do with servitude. I do not know the exact details. Thus, in that quick moment, I guess it came out as "never thought about it."

A friend told me yesterday that when you find your purpose in life, your path will unfold itself in line with your purpose. The path may change along the way but the destination remains the same.

Let me share a short story here. I had borrowed the book called "The Alchemist" by Paul Coelho from my friend long time ago. I love his books. Somehow, I never made it past the first few pages. Thus the book sat on my shelf for a long time.

I had been taking a rest for the past few days and with my laptop down, I didn't have much opportunity to do work. Therefore I had some time to do the things I had put aside for a while like sleep, organise my stuff and read.

I am one who has come to realise that in life, there are no coincidences. Everything happens at a particular time and place for a particular reason. Once one began to see that, one would find that the world was often so accurate in timing it is amazing. I picked up the book this morning and it talked exactly about this topic that had come to mind. It talked about purpose, journey and recognising the signs that the universe gives you to bring you there. I have had this happening a lot of times where sometimes a book, a passage, a song or even a person comes along just at the right time. Talk about signs. The problem is we just don't know how to or decide not to read them.

I have been in a crossroad for a while. Everytime I step out of it,I find myself in a bigger one. Maybe I never got out of it. Maybe that is what life is. After all, life is full of choices. I learnt some time back that sometimes one has to let life bring them to the places they are supposed to be where trying to lead it.

Dear life, may you bring me to beautiful places that will lead to a purposeful destination.

An irrelevant quote: "Give me a man who is man enough to give himself just to the woman who is worth him. If that woman were me, I would love him alone and forever." - from "Bernardo Guardi", Casanova.

@-;--

Life

It's been a number of days since my last entry. Well I prefer to write when there's something to write, share, mull or think about :)

An incident happened yesterday and it was kinda uncanny how things happened. I think God was trying to send me a not so gentle reminder :P

I realised how fragile humans can be. I realised how sometimes things can hit you so suddenly and you won't even have time or ability to react. I realised the importance of looking out for your health and the importance of insurance! Not professional hazard people..it really is. I realised if any small factor had changed, the outcome might have been totally different.

More than ever, I believe everyone has a certain timing in life. I kinda felt at some point that it was not death that was fearful but the absence of a meaningful and purposeful life that was truly scary.

I believe everyone has a purpose in life. A job, role or whatever you call it for his or her existence in the world. Some seem greater than the others but I always felt everyone's role and contribution was important in some way, no matter how small it seemed. Without everyone's part, there will be no world.

Sometimes I think when life comes to an end, it simply means one has finished the task that he or she was supposed to do. If the job was not finished, it means it was time for someone else to take over.

Many of us put away the things we want to do because we think it may involve certain risks. I have no doubt at all we should cherish ourselves and protect ourselves from risk. A certain part of me believes, if it's your time, it doesn't matter whether you were jumping off a plane or just sitting down at home. When it's time, it's time.

Kinda philosophical huh? :P

Spiral

I remember one scene from Mr & Mrs Smith or was it another movie in which one party said.."We are separated by the world of things we do not say to each other." (something along those lines)

How do things get worse between people? Because things that should have been said and done were not and those that were should not have been said or done, were committed instead?

There were times why I wondered why and how things got so bad. There were also times I was asked why and how it got so bad. I never had it got this bad. I have heard stories where things never got this bad. Sometimes I am envious. In a way I could claim some responsibility but most of the time, I do not really have the answers myself. I hate to be the only one wondering so I accepted it as it was.

It's said that one should communicate. Sometimes it hurts us the most when you see the people you care about the most lose their souls. What if the thing you wish to communicate is so hard to say? What if you knew the thing you wanted to say would not be heard? What if you knew the thing you wanted to say will hurt? Will you still want to communicate?

Anyway, a simple, moving song...

Always On Your Side
- Sheryl Crow & Sting

My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side

Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
But your demons and your angels reappeared
Leavin' all the traces of the man you thought you'd be
Leavin' me with no place left to go from here
Leavin' me so many questions all these years

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No it isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear,
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I'm always on your side

Chance Encounter

Ah I have not written for a number of days.

I met someone last night. Someone I never thought I'd see again. Someone I have wondered for a long time how he was. Frankly it's a chance encounter that almost never happened.

He has changed a lot. Certainly not as before but hey so have I changed.

I realised how much I have changed over the years. I used to be so young and wanted different things. The essence remained but I realised the package that I used to want in a man has definitely changed.

I realised how the men in my life the last few years have introduced new passions (no pun intended) in my life which frankly makes it hard for me to date a normal Singaporean man. Yet I don't dig foreigners. It's a dilemma really.

I realised I like my men to have a tinge of difference about them. Something that makes them so different from the normal Singaporean man. It didn't help that my ex (if you can call him one) was strong in this department because he was well read and had a hunger for the world. It kinda sets a certain erm should I call it, standard? This tinge of difference has become a certain source of passion and maybe grief. Even my friends agree on this matter. The typical man on the street is not really my type.

I have also realised how non-chalant I have become with regards to these matters. I am frankly, not very motivated to take action. I prefer to let things come as they are. Passive? Perhaps.

I realised its true...fate works that if you truly meant to meet, you will, no matter how long it takes. What may not work today may work few years down the road. It may never work of course but that's fate.

The girl has grown up for sure.


On a not so grown up note..

Julio & Dino Twin brothers Julio and Dino Acconci (Soler) were born and raised in Macau. They both speak and sing in 7 languages, including: English, Cantonese, Mandarin, Italian, Spanish, Portugese and French. To sum up Soler in a word it would be "live." First communicators, then musicians. Their music is direct, coming straight from the soul. Drawing on influences ranging from soul music to rock, they have evolved into a sound best described as pop rock with a
touch of soul. They are signed to Hummingbird Music Ltd

My gal friend says they make her melt. No darling I don't feel no stirring in my loins and they say I have a thing for bad boys. Just look at my guys..most of them are geeky even the most so called bad boy looking one. But it is quite incredible that these Latino lookin men have a CANTONESE rock album. SEVEN languages is a mean feat indeed! Maybe I need to MEET them *hint hint* Or perhaps serenade me with a Spanish or French song and THAT will make me melt :D *puddle*

Anger Management

I must admit while I can be amazingly patient at times, my temper is usually shorter than what I'd like it to be. As humans, we tend to be affected by other people's insults, criticisms and so on. I read a short story that I'd like to share here. I found it to be simple yet interesting food for thought.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once there was a Brahmin, a person of high rank and authority. This Brahmin had a habit of getting angry, even for no reason. He quarrelled with everyone. If someone else was wronged and did not get angry, the Brahmin would get angry at that person for not being angry.

The Brahmin had heard that the Buddha never got angry. One day he went to the Buddha and abused him with insults. The Buddha listened compassionately and patiently. Then he asked the Brahmin, "Do you have any family or friends or relatives?"

"Yes, I have many relatives and friends", the Brahmin replied.

"Do you visit them periodically?" the Buddha asked.

"Of course. I visit them often. "

"Do you carry gifts for them when you visit them?"

"Surely. I never go to see them without a gift," said the Brahmin.

The Buddha asked, "When you give gifts to them, suppose they do not accept them. What would you do with these gifts?"

"I would take them hone and enjoy them with my family." answered the Brahmin.

Then the Buddha said,"Similarly, friend, you gave me a gift. I do not accept it. It is all yours. Take it home and enjoy it with your family."

The man was deeply embarrased. He understood and admired the Buddha's compassionate advice.

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Maybe I was reading too fast but it took me a few seconds to absorb the story. I think it's a nice way of dealing with anger and mindless negativity. Hope this is useful to you too :)

@-;--

Jaded

"You feel jaded right?" I was asked with a tone of self-disappointment.

Yes in some way I am. But my salvation is I believe there is always hope in the world. Nothing lasts forever, not even jaded-ness.

Sometimes we expect ourselves to be a certain type of people, hopeful, cheerful, intelligent and so on. Yet, when life strikes and we fall short of the standards we would like to be, we beat ourselves up over it. This is self-disappointment.

Yes I have asked myself, how can I be such a person? I have felt disappointed at myself for allowing myself to get to such a stage. Thus I realised sometimes when we meet with bad things in life, it is the self-disappointment that hit us even more than the event itself.

Then I realised it's because we always get caught up with being what we would like to be that we forget the person we are and have come to be. Yes we must live with goals and standards to reach for. However, when one only lives for the future or in the past, one will never cherish the preciousness of present. Even if present is less than perfect, it is you and part of your life, something that you can never throw away.

Yes we aspire to be the best that we can be but sometimes we need to accept the reality of present. Embrace all that you have become and continue to walk in hope of a better tomorrow. There is little good in beating yourself up over what is and thus lead you to be so upset that you fail to see tomorrow. Then tomorrow will always be the same as today and it will become a vicious cycle.

There are times you may have realised that while you have tried to continue walking down the lane of life, you left your heart somewhere behind. It may be intentional or unintentional. You may not even realise it that out of your many body clocks, one small one stopped somewhere in memory lane.

When you discover it, you will feel shocked and maybe even self-disappointment. You may want to go back and take your heart back but sometimes it's no longer in your control. However, I believe if you keep walking, someday that heart will move, the clock will begin to tick again, no matter how small the move and how long it takes.

Someday it will.

@-;--

Someone Else

How do you deal with the pain when you discover the person you love with all your heart, has someone else in his heart?

It feels excruciating and even more so because it is a situation of which you are "nearly" helpless about.

I remember I wrote about this briefly a few entries back and again I was inspired to write about this again. It may be difficult for some of you to read this but this is from a friend who understands and cares. There is nothing but words of truth, reality and hopefully some comfort eventually here. If you are not ready for it, come back another day.

It is practically of no use for you to hear that "You will find someone else", "You deserve better". People, it really isn't much comfort to be told this and there is no use to pay lip service even if we know it's true. The reason is when you walk away and in your solitude, you will still think "But I want to be with him/her". You may say no but please don't lie, not to yourself.

Why do I call it a nearly helpless situation? You cannot force love to happen. You cannot make the other party love you. You cannot reverse time and hope to do better. You cannot run away from the reality and even if you try to, it haunts you in your solitude at night. You can run anywhere but it will still be there. You can try to ignore it but somehow the tears don't know how to.

I cannot offer much golden words of advice. After all, though I am the one who believes that love exists and will happen someday, has lost much faith. However, there is never true hopelessness in the world. That is something I still believe in. That's why is it still a "nearly" hopeless situation.

You may pray about it and yes sometimes miracles do happen. I have seen it happen before. The person you love may turn around. However, such drama unfortunately, happens to few. Wating for it will bring you nowhere. What is worse than seeing that he or she has moved on to a happy life and you are still stuck in misery? Yes you can say if you love someone, you should be happy for his or her happiness. Yes you may truly feel happy for him or her but come on, it hurts, doesn' it?

Time heals all wounds or so they say. Yes it is true. The question is how long? Some take months and some take years. The one who leaves generally takes a shorter time than the one who gets left behind. It will go away someday. Even if you cannot see how it will, trust in it that it will. The reason is this is the key for recovery. You have to help yourself. No one else can do that for you.

Women tend to be self-sacrificing martyrs when it comes to love. Even in your pain, please remember to love yourself and know that you are loved. Imagine you are a third party trying to love you. Truly ask yourself "If I love myself, what will I do?". I have come to learn something and it is surprising to me whom I got this lesson from: You will not know how to love another until you learn to love yourself first.

I am still trying to comprehend and internalise this simple yet difficult lesson. May you find comfort too. Always know I am here ok? *hugs*

@-;--

Change of Boxes

Ahhh another recurring topic so I decided to write about it.

The other day, while a couple of us were having supper, someone commented at our variety of interests. We can be smoking cigars, drinking wine and yet end the night with say dim sum and teh tarik. We should be eurasians, part arab, part european, part asian etc.

Confused? Well travelled? Flexible?

This morning I had a conversation with another friend. I was sending her some nice French music. I told her I was a partial audiophile who can be particular about music and sound quality to some extent. She asked me if I was auditory type. Frankly, I always had difficulty answering that question.
I think a lot in pictures so that makes me visual. I am moved my music and sound so that makes me auditory. I am not averse to human touch so I am kinesthetic?

I guess if I really have to isolate it, I am more visual. To that she said it was unusual for a self proclaimed introvert.

That brought me to think. Do we have to live in type A, type B box defined by books?

I realised sometimes we set too many boundaries for ourselves. If book says x+y+z= type a personality, we define ourselves as that. If something seems out of the box, it's strange.

Yes I do agree about statistics that these generalisations are for general public. As people start to travel more and get exposed to different things, isn't it possible for people to like vastly different things and be influenced by different things as well?

I could never fit into these boxes nicely. I always sat on the borderline. I never quite belonged to the extreme in anything. Remember a few entries ago where I mentioned that I was an introvert perhaps even more than an extrovert? People told me after that they were the same. If that is the case, why define yourself according to what is introvert or extrovert? Confused? Adaptable? I prefer to think of it as adaptable. After all, isn't it better to think positive of who you are then trying to squeeze into a box that does not fit you?

So what if I like pop music as much as I like jazz and french and spanish music? So what if I like to sit down at that old coffeeshop for porridge as much as I like to sit in that cool lounge for wine? So what if I like to be alone and need to connect with people too? Maybe people can say it is confusion that leads to nowhere. However, if there is so much in the world, why limit yourself to just those few possibilities?

I can't say this will stay the same for years to come. Maybe somewhere down the road I will start to swing to certain aspects more. That is a possibility too. There are so many possibilities. After all, the only thing that is constant is change isn't it?

Quiz

Got this off a buddy's blog for fun :P

1) Grab the book nearest to you and turn to pg 18, line 4.

Er...for what ah?

2) Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.

OK I touched my pillow...next!

3) What was the last thing you watched on TV?

Travel & Living on cable...on great country inns...man your mouth would water at watching them prepare the food! Country style holiday....mmmmmmm

4) Without looking, guess what the time is.

Time to crawl out of bed ??

5) Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?

YEP , time to crawl out of bed!

6) With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?

Kissing a Fool by George Michael.

7) When did you last step outside?

Erm the toilet a few minutes ago? Or salsa last night?

8) Before you started this survey, what did you look at?

Angela's blog :P

9) What are you wearing?

Darling I don't think I should bring it up for public decency *chuckles*

10) Did you dream last night?

Yes I did...strange dream...I was leaving a place and when I came back to take something..people has become emancipated, dancing in a surreal vision and sucking each other's blood...soon the whole place was in flames...really surreal..

11) When did you last laugh?
Er.. minutes ago.

12) What is on the walls of the room you are in?

Photos...cool pic of Domino poster..Mr & Mrs Smith..people kissing heh

13) Seen anything weird lately?

Define weird? The horrible picture I look at in the mirror in the morning doesn't count right?

14) What do you think of this quiz?

Ha bo liao fun :P

15) What is the last film you saw?

Erm....movie? tv? If movie Take The Lead..show me the T-A-N-G-O baby!

16) If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?

Woah this is opening pandora's box..I'll never finish writing... farm, apartment overlooking a city, balinese style villa, mansion facing the sea, a convertible hmm maybe a boxster, wines, cigars, clothes, shoes, Honda NSR, a tour round the world..rail, fly, hot-air balloon, you name it...the list goes on and on and on...

17) Tell me something about you I don't know.

I am an alien from Venus. I have a 36-24-36 figure. All Venusians have perfect bodies and skin. My spaceship has been zapped into a size of a earring that I wear frequently. I fly around sometimes for entertainment. Really.

18) If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?

Less mindless wars.

19) Do you like to dance?

It seems anything anyone remembers about me is I'm a dancer so I suppose that's a yes?

20) George W. Bush...

I reserve my comments. They say Big Brother is everywhere *looks around*

21) Imagine your first child is a girl. What would you call her?

Something more exotic and princessy-like... like Anastasia I think..or something Greek..I'll ask my hubby..IF i get one.

22) Imagine your first child is a boy. What would you call him?

I used to like the name Nicholas....hmmm maybe that.

23) Would you ever consider living abroad?

I wanna have many homes around the world and stay in each of them for intervals...does that count?

24) What would you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?

"I offset your sins enough to give you a marginal entry..Well I am glad you made it anyway!"

25) 4 people who must do this in their blogs.

Chin Fee, Song Fee,Junyu, Edmund.

OK that's for bo liao fun today :)

050506

Hello...you are here again.

I remember it was rainy but my mood was sunny.

I remember running to the bus stop while the rain threatened to pour in.

I remember a long pause.

I remember a single sentence.

The answer that was also a question.

This is a personal entry which I believe will make little sense to anyone. So if you don't get it, no worries..you are normal :)

@-;--

Legacy

Have you ever thought what you would like to leave behind when you have passed on in life?

A friend of mine shared recently that while he has achieved much in life, he hopes to leave something behind to the people close to him by sharing the knowledge he has learned. This morning I had a chat with a friend who shared that his dream as an architecture student when he was in school was to leave behind signs of his existence even when he has passed on from this world. He shared with my a little scene from a movie where the lead was asked why she got married.

Her reply was "Because there will be a witness to your life".

While it may seem a little strange to hear that but to someone who may have no other kin in this world, it may not seem such a strange notion. Just imagine, what if you had no contact with the outside world, will there be anyone to remember you? Will there be anyone or anything to remember that you once existed, breathed and lived?

Many past greats have had the notion of leaving their mark in history. Some call it ambition. This drove great inventions, achievements and even wars. Even the normal man on the street will hope to be remembered after his death. We all hope to have made a little difference to the world we live in. After all, our existence here should have a purpose isn't it?

To me, a person is not only measured by the things that he has achieved in life but more so the things he leaves behind when he is not longer in this world. There are times when I have heard seemingly low profile people having a huge turnout at his or her funeral. Death does something to people. It makes us realise true good and bad and cherish the things that we may have taken for granted. There is little that we can take with us when we die. We leave this world as we have arrived - alone.

Someone once told me a good way to look at what you hope to achieve in life is to think of the three things you hope to be written on your tombstone when you die. The strange thing is when I thought if it, none of the three things I thought of had anything to do with material achievements. This really makes you think of the things that really drive and move your soul. Try it :)

Cracks

I read in a book today that as humans we feel upset when we don't have something and also feel upset when we do get it. Take love for example. You will feel sad when you do not have the love of the one you love yet when you are finally together, you live in fear he or she will love someone else. Sure this may be a case of mistrust and unnecessary fear, but it is very real for many people isn't it?

Trust is something that has to be earned. It is something that once broken will be hard to mend. Even if one can mend it, cracks remain. They say love conquers all but sadly, love sometimes fails to conquer fear. I would like to share a simple story. A story that you and I may have experienced through a friend or first hand.

You are in love with someone. Everything goes well till time wears out the relationship. You thought you didn't love that person anymore. You do something wrong. You want out. The other person is hearbroken. The other person tries his or her best to salvage the relationship. You agree to stay on.

Time goes by. You realise you didn't love him or her any less than you thought and you very much like to be with him or her. However, you notice something is wrong with the other person. You can feel he or she still cares yet there is something very foreign and distant. One day, the other person tells him he or she cannot continue anymore. The broken trust has a crack that cannot be mended.

We all make mistakes. We all hope to be forgiven when we do. I know I have. Sometimes in a spur of moment, impulse or passion, we step outside a line we know, thinking it is the line we wish to cross. Sometimes we realise much later what was the thing that was really important.

To all of you out there who may be contemplating or are already in a compromising situation, please think a little deeper about the things you throw away when you do step out. I am not saying it is always wrong. Sometimes we do need to cast away some things. The only thing is knowing that you are ready to lose the things you stand to lose and that you will have no regrets. Should there be regrets, may you find it in your heart to find peace. To me, sadly, regret is one of the hardest things to get over. Regret haunts people. It does.

May angels guide your every step and decision.

@-;--

The Interview With God

I truly love this and once in a while I will go watch this presentation again to remind myself of the things that are truly important. I wanted to paste the text here but I really think it will be best to watch it yourself, regardless of what religion you may believe in. Please view presentation at www.theinterviewwithgod.com .

The pictures and music are lovely...not to mention the wonderful messages :)

Old Symbol

Today I saw something on an old poster that brought back a very old and sweet memory. I saw a symbol that I had seen over a decade ago that my first guy had drawn for me. It was like a secret code between us. Its a square with a cross in the centre and a "V" over it. It means "I Love You". Sweet huh?

I always hear teenagers declaring their oaths of eternal love over radio dedications. Like I tell my friends, even 16 year olds have their idea of "forever". When we were in our teens, it was so simple to like someone and be together. Even my buddy agrees...You like me, I like you, we go "steady". Now it's "I don't know where it'll lead..is he or she for real? what if this? what if that?" We have grown up along with our walls. In exchange for adulthood and adult freedom of financial independence, we have given up our freedom in other ways. The world is fair...something comes...something goes.

Do You Know Me?

Some of you may have known me for years and may have known me in a particular manner especially the last few years. I am often remembered as the "girl who's a dancer". Frankly I think there are far more talented dancers out there. I wonder why this is often the thing associated with me.

Well do you know the other sides of me?

Do you know...

I like installation art and abstract art over still life?

I like black and white artistic photography?

I love to listen to classical music when I used to paint?

I wanted to be a designer when I was young?

I was trained in acrylic painting as well as design?

I want to learn bike and muay thai as much as I want to learn how to cook and do the tango?

I used to be a hardcore perfectionist?

I enoy staying home to watch dvds and chill out more than going out to meet people?

I am actually introverted by nature and extroverted by creation and necessity?

I would enjoy staying home to a home-cooked meal and doing simple things with a loved one more than an expensive date?

I enjoy cheap teh and teochew porridge as much as I appreciate the finer points of wine and cigars?

I like to read girly manga as much as I like to read books about business and self improvement?

I like to watch anime and feel-good movies as much as I like deep provoking works?

I like peace and serenity often more than noise and buzz?

Money, business and dance is not what my life is just about?

I believe everyone has a side that many people do not know. We often live by the perceptions that we see and there is nothing wrong with that. I simply love to discover things about people that are often not known. Call that my natural sense of curiousity. Sometimes I think I get too caught up with living that I forget to do the little things that satisfy this nature...like read, watch discovery channel *laughs*.

Remember that entry I wrote sometime back about a person's true essense? The other day I had a simple conversation. Ahhh you may not understand what can be so special about a conversation. It was a conversation that I had not had in a long time. It didn't matter that the subject matters were so plain. What was comforting was the conversation actually occurred and for a brief period of time, I experienced a little bit of the other party's true essence...something I had not seen in a long time. That brought a little humane warmth...not love or care... but warmth :)